Women tend to feel the emotional pain associated with a breakup more acutely than men, but men take longer to “get over” their former lover, according to scientific researchers.
Researchers from Binghamptom University in the United States and University College, London, combined to ask nearly 6000 participants in 96 countries to rate the emotional and physical pain of a romantic break up on a scale of one, representing nothing, to 10, representing unbearable.
They found that women experience breakups more negatively, reported significantly higher levels of both emotional and physical pain.
Women averaged 6.84 in emotional anguish versus 6.58 for men. And in terms of physical pain – that old term heart ache is actually a reality – women averaged 4.21 versus men at 3.75
Yet while breakups hit women the hardest, they tend to recover more fully and use the experience to evolve into an emotionally stronger person. Men never fully recover. They tend to carry a little of their pain around with them for the rest of their lives, even though they are able to move on and have other relationships that are equally involving.
Put simply, says Craig Morris, researcher at Binghamton University, it all boils down to differences in male and female biology.
“Women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man,” he says. “ In the ancient past a brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for a woman while the man may have left the scene entirely with no further biological investment.
“It is this ‘risk’ of higher biological investment that, over evolutionary time, has made women choosier in selecting a high quality mate. Hence, the loss of a relationship with a mate who is perceived as high quality ‘hurts’ more for a woman.”
On the other side, men have evolved to compete for the romantic attention of women meaning that the loss of a romantic partner might not ‘hurt’ as much.
“The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long time as it sinks in that he must start competing again to replace that person in his life,” says Craig. “He may also come to the realisation that person is irreplaceable even if he is able to find another partner.”
The study also found that the average adult will experience three significant breakups by the time they are 30 with at least one that impairs our quality of life substantially for either weeks or months.
