Dear Danielle,
I was really into talking dirty in the bedroom when I was younger and it was something that always turned me on.
I married a man who is pretty quiet in bed. He never commented if I let fly with blue talk in early years, but because he never reciprocated it just slowly slipped out of my bedroom repertoire.
Recently I tried to turn it on again and I was mortified to discover that I was really stuck in my content matter and couldn’t come up with anything interesting. It made me feel very awkward so I stopped.
I feel like I want to add that kind of spice to our sex life, even if he never reciprocates, so how do I tap back into that smutty side of myself?
From, Secretly Blue
Dear Secretly Blue,
Whenever we bust out a little somethin’-somethin’ new in the bedroom or express new desires it opens us up and makes us feel vulnerable. Your awkwardness was probably because you hadn’t done it in a while and your dirty talk is just a bit rusty!
If you want to flex your filthy-talk muscles you could have a read of some erotic literature to get your mind back in the blue arena. You can find some good sites online if you don’t want to buy an erotic book from your local bookstore.
Alternatively, if you’re on the more creative side, why not try writing a sexy scene or two (this way you can skip the fluff and go straight to the juicy bits) and really stretch your brain’s erotic side.
If your writing hits the tone you’re looking for then, you’ll probably find yourself right in the zone and you’ll be ready to unleash your bedroom smut goddess on your partner.
I hope he’s ready!
Happy smutting.
Dear Danielle
I’m a forty two year old woman and I am very lonely.
I’m single and my kids are late teens with have lives of their own, and I don’t have many friends.
The friends I do have are very busy all of the time, and I understand that everyone else’s lives are very full, but I feel like mine has a big hole in it.
I want to make new friends but it’s not the same as when I was younger and met new people all of the time. I don’t go out that much, and I rarely get invited places.
I just don’t know how to make friends now.
From, Lonely
Dear Lonely,
It can seem to get harder to make friends as we get older but it is possible to make heart connections if you’re willing to get out amongst it.
My strongest advice to you is to get out of the house. Your new circle of friends is not going to knock on your door while you’re sitting on the couch.
Take a short course of something you’re interested in, you may meet someone like minded there, and you may learn something on the way.
Join an exercise group or a book club where you have a common activity that can help you start a conversation.
There are also friend finding apps if you’re keen to try that, just do a little research to ensure you’re not on a dating app, because an accidental Tinder hook up may be a little more excitement than you’re looking for!
Meetup is one such app which is broadly used in Australia. You can find single sex or mixed groups to do everything from lunch, walking, canoeing (if that floats your boat), sketching or just meeting for coffee.
Breaking the ice can be daunting, but being brave and getting out of your comfort zone will feel great once you start…and who knows, you may meet your new BFF.
Good luck!
Danielle is not a qualified counselor and all advice is opinion based only, to be followed at the responsibility of the recipient.
Do you have a dilemma or conundrum you would like to ask Danielle?
Drop her a line at askdanielle@bauer-media.com.au and she will endeavour to help you sort your life out.
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