Do you spend your nights clinging to the edge of the bed while your toddler sprawls across the middle? Then follow our plan and they’ll be two, not three of you in the bed by the end of the weekend. Follow our 15 steps for guaranteed success.
Saturday day
Step 1
Explain to your toddler that he’ll be sleeping in his own bed tonight. Make sure you’re as positive as possible it’s difficult for your toddler to learn new sleeping habits so he needs your encouragement. Meet any protests with a humorous and resolute response, for example, ‘Oh yes you are, you cheeky thing.’
Step 2
Explain to older siblings and any close neighbours that there may be some disruption for a couple of nights.
Step 3
Make a star chart for your toddler. Go out together and buy stickers. Explain that each time he stays in his own bed all night, he’ll get a sticker. Alternatively, buy some luminous ceiling stars that shine once the light’s been turned out.
Step 4
Engage your child in some role-play. Put his toys to bed and give them (yes, the toys) lots of praise for staying there.
Step 5
Limit his naps to an hour, and don’t allow your child to sleep after 2.30pm in the afternoon (for a 7pm to 8pm settling time). If at all possible, have a daytime rest yourself. You’ll need lots of energy for tonight.
It’s absolutely vital that your child settles to sleep for the night in his own bed, alone. If you’re with him as he falls asleep, it’s only natural that he’ll need to find you when he wakes up later. To make settling alone easier for him, follow these steps to help him feel safe, secure and loved.
Saturday evening
Step 6
Develop a consistent bedtime routine that incorporates a clear sequence of sleep clues. For example: bath, clean teeth and favourite story. Turn the TV, radio and video off. Your home doesn’t have to be silent but stimulation from electrical appliances can be irritating.
Step 7
During bath time, encourage him to splash, play, and use up any reserves of energy. Show him you love him and make sure he feels secure. Then remind him that he’ll be sleeping in his own bed tonight but say it in a positive and encouraging way.
Step 8
After bath time and milk (if he still has it), go directly to your toddler’s bedroom. Keep the lights low. Share a couple of stories, and until he knows how to fall asleep on his own, always keep the final story the same.
Try not to get into any negotiations with your toddler about the position of his teddies. Now is the time for you to take control be kind, calm and resolute. Say goodnight, put him in to bed, have a goodnight cuddle, and remind him about earning a star for his chart. Then go.
Step 9
If your child calls or cries, go back to him and spend 30 seconds (at the most) with him. If he seems frightened, stay calm and reassuring, but don’t reinforce his fears by hanging around. If he gets very distressed, sit quietly by the bed, but keep eye contact and physical contact to a minimum.
When he’s settled again, say goodnight and leave the room. Tell him that you’re going to the bathroom and you’ll be back in five minutes. Make sure you keep your promise.
If he’s still awake when you come back, praise him for staying in bed, leave again, and then keep returning to him until he eventually gives in to sleep. Try not to be in the room when he drops off.
Step 10
If he gets out of bed, put him back as many times as it takes, until he falls asleep. This may go on for some time, so be patient. You may find a stair gate at the bedroom door is useful, to prevent him coming in to the living area (unless he can climb over it of course). Don’t close or lock the bedroom door you don’t want your child to feel excluded or punished.
Step 11
Go to bed early you’ll probably be up in the night. If he wakes and calls or comes to your bed, put him back in his own bed, just as you did when you were settling him. Don’t give in and allow him into your bed as this will ruin the learning process.
Children who regularly move into their parents’ bed during the night come to see their own bed as a temporary space. This actually prevents them from settling and sleeping well. Your child needs to recognise his own bed as a safe and permanent space.
Sunday
Well done, you’re halfway there. Chances are your routine has already started to stick in your child’s mind and repeating the process will help to reinforce it.
Step 12
When he wakes in the morning, open the curtains giving him a clear message that it’s daytime. Even if you’re exhausted, be welcoming. Praise him enthusiastically and don’t forget to give him a sticker or star.
Step 13
Be especially loving towards your toddler. Tell him what a big boy he is now he can sleep on his own.
Step 14
Repeat the exact same settling process as last night, from Step 6. Don’t be disheartened if you still have to put him back to bed several times. This technique will work, but only if you’re consistent.
Step 15
No matter how tough the process seems, when you’re on the verge of giving up, remember, it takes just two nights to solve the majority of sleep problems for this age group (provided you’re committed). By the end of this second night, your child will have learned new sleeping habits.
Monday
You’ve done it. From now on bedtime will be much easier. Carry on with the routine and maintain your loving, resolute manner. It’s very important to reinforce what your child has learned. By next weekend your only task will be to put the champagne on ice to celebrate!”
