Imagine the scene: The lights are low, there’s soft music on the stereo, your partner is looking at you with those “sexy eyes”, leaning in to kiss you when, all of a sudden, there’s an ear-splitting scream from the next room … The mood is broken, the feeling has gone, the baby is awake.
It’s an all too common scenario for new parents, trying to balance the baby’s needs with their own, and get their sex life back to normal. But here’s the thing, “normal” has changed and, once you’re ready to get back into it you’re going to have to figure out new ways to get the spice and sex back in to your life while juggling new routines, parenthood and, of course, life in general.
Sex is healthy and normal and vital for keeping a good relationship going so it is very important not to let it be pushed aside to “get to later” like you do with that enormous pile of washing on the couch. Yes, it will be different, and yes you probably won’t have those lazy Saturdays spent in bed or those all-night sex sessions anymore, but you don’t have to give it up all together.
When it comes to having sex with a baby in the house spontaneity is the key; grabbing moments when you can and making the best of them, like if a grandparent or other babysitter offers to take them for a few hours, or when the baby has gone down for their morning or afternoon nap or even when they’re happily playing in their cot in the morning and you or your partner is in the shower. Jump in! A morning quickie can be just what you need to put a spring in your step for the rest of the day.
Keeping the mood alive can be tricky too. Your brain is preoccupied with so many other things (nappies, bottles, washing, baby, baby, baby) you feel like you have no time to think about anything else, but there are some simple things you can do to keep the heat going. Sexy texts during the day can be fun or you can take it even further.
A friend of mine and her husband regularly indulge in lunchtime phone sex. When the baby has gone down for his nap she calls him at work and he sneaks off to his car and, although they’re not physically touching, they both manage to satisfy each other’s needs and desires and keep their love life in check.
One thing new parents need to learn quickly is the funny side of sex, because let’s face it, when you get interrupted mid-coitus by a screaming, hungry child, or accidentally spray your partner in the face with breast milk while you’re doing a slow, sexy, on-top position, or even get busted by a wandering toddler, it can be pretty funny. And if you don’t laugh it off the other emotional options can be anger and depression, and that’s no good for anyone!
