One Sydney mother has a simple message: think before you speak. Tired of people commenting on her son’s looks, Anila Azhar wants others to consider the impact their words have on nervous new mums.
Every day for the past 10 months Sydney mother Anila Azhar has had strangers comment on her baby son’s appearance. On one level, it’s no wonder: he’s striking looking, a small pink bundle of bright blue eyes and platinum blonde hair.
However, the real reason strangers are commenting is not because of Jaavi’s sweet, chubby face, but because he has a different skin colour to his mum.
“Every day I have someone stop me. Every day,” says Anila. “It was novel at first,” she says, “but frankly, I’m sick of the attention.”
While most new mums would relish in their baby being ogled over, comments to Jaavi and his mum are not always polite.
“I have dark skin, dark brown hair and eyes. I’m a first generation Australian, with Indian and Pakistani heritage,” she reveals. “Based on his colour alone, Jaavi doesn’t resemble me at first glance.”
What worries Anila is not people taking an innocent curiosity in her son, but the thoughtless comments that fall out of their mouth. In one particularly galling example, Anila and her son were approached by a woman in a shopping centre who wanted to have a closer look at Jaavi in his pram.
“I obliged, and the woman exclaimed that she would never have guessed that I was his mother [and] then asked if he really was mine.
“I was mortified. As a new mother you’re so self-conscious anyway that having someone question your parentage is just awful,” says Anila.
The new mum is sharing her story to remind people to be more sensitive to mothers and their new babies, particularly without knowing their back-story. “Another woman asked me if I was aware about the stats around baby mix-ups at hospitals, implying that my son belonged to someone else,” Anila reveals.
“Others have congratulated me on his colour – like it’s a medal of honour for a darker woman to give birth to a white boy.
“These women making comments to me – and have all been women – don’t know my family or me. While people may not realise it, their comments are implicitly racist: they are noticing colour above everything else.”
Anila admits that her feelings are influenced by the importance that whiter skin colour plays in subcontinent culture.
“The colour of your eyes and skin are very relevant in my culture, essentially the paler your skin, the higher your worth. It disturbs me that I would be congratulated on producing a white child, when chances are if Jaavi has a sibling he/she will look quite different.
“Generally I am forgiving of the comments, but there are days when I literally want to hide my baby away from the world because I can’t be bothered with the questions,” Anila admits.
“I just want people to think before they speak. If they see a tired, vulnerable new mother – say something positive and encouraging, or perhaps don’t say anything at all.”
