We all know the stereotype; girls are emotional and kind-hearted, and boys are unemotional and insensitive.
But we also know that this is just a sterotype, right? We can’t generalise children’s or adults’ personalities based on their gender.
Anecdotately we might share stories of our children being more sensitive or empathetic than their siblings. Personally, I do find that my daughter is very considerate and aware of her family’s feelings, whereas my son appears to be almost oblivious to his family’s emotions. My daughter is much better able to articulate her feelings also.
But I’d never put these differences down to their gender. It’s more a blend of their temperament, personalities and genetic make-up.
However, new research out of the UK suggests that my parenting could have a lot to do with my children’s emotional differences.
Researchers from the University of Surrey found that mothers use more emotional words than fathers, which unconsciously reinforces gender stereotypes to their children.
The study found that conversations mothers have with their daughters tend to contain more emotional words and content, than the conversations that mothers have with their sons.
The study’s lead author, Dr Harriet Tenenbaum explains this further, “Our study suggests that parent-child conversations are gendered, with mothers talking more expressively to their daughters than their sons.”
The researchers have suggested that these findings could explain why women tend to be more emotionally intelligent than men. “This inevitably leads to girls growing up more attuned to their emotions than boys.”
Emotional intelligence has an important role in affecting the quality of our personal and professional lives. It can be defined as, “The ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.”
With this new research finding that mothers are impacting upon their sons’ emotional intelligence, I can’t help but re-think the way I’m talking to my kids.
