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It goes something like this: “I was nominated to post 5 pictures that make me happy to be a mother. I’m tagging 5 people that I think are great mothers to post 5 pictures for the Motherhood Challenge!”
It is the latest Facebook meme to go viral and it is attracting criticism from all corners of the internet. So far the “challenge” has been called offensive, smug and even judgemental. But does it really deserve such condemnation?
Writing for the Guardian, Flic Everett notes that the most offensive aspect of the meme is that it is being described as a challenge. “A challenge is coping with grief when you wish you were dead, or pushing your mind and body to the limit in a feat of superhuman endurance. It’s not posting a few snaps of your toddler and waiting for your friends to type “aw gorgeous hun xxx” underneath,” she says.
I agree, posting a collection of ‘happy snaps’ is not an endurance test or a battle of mind over matter. But for many of us motherhood is the biggest
challenge of our lives. It is relentless, exhausting and life changing. The challenge isn’t posting pictures on Facebook, the challenge is being a mum.
When I took part in the meme I posted five pictures that reflected different stages of motherhood. The wide eyed new mum holding a tiny baby, my toddler meeting her newborn sister for the first time, my girls having fun and the three of us together, sitting on the doorstep.
There is nothing smug here. I am not boasting. These are not pictures of perfect children (mine are anything but) or my shiny happy life (LOL) – they are just simple moments that make me smile – times in my life when I was genuinely happy to be a mother.
As Everett notes, there are lots of mums that feel inadequate. She is quite right – I am one of those mums. Lately motherhood has become a constant juggling act, most of the time I am treading water. Sometimes I am drowning.
But rather than Facebook’s motherhood challenge exacerbating my inadequacy, for me it was the antidote. Taking some time to scroll through my photos and find a collection of pictures was a timely reminder that parenting is a joy as well as a slog.
Critics of the meme have also said that the challenge is insensitive to women who wanted children but didn’t or couldn’t have them. “I’m finding it as bad as Mother’s Day for making me feel crap,” says one Mumsnet member.
I posted my five pictures in spite of this fact and not because of a lack of empathy. But because I believe what I post on my Facebook page is primarily for me (just as your facebook page is primarily for you). Life is full of things that might upset others, but we can’t always tiptoe around that.
A few years ago I interviewed Sheree McLeod, an Australian woman with terminal breast cancer. Sheree was using Facebook to document her battle with cancer along with her thoughts and feelings about her journey. Sheree told me that one of her hopes was that in years to come her children will read through her Facebook posts and get to know their mother.
Sheree passed away in 2014, but her words stayed with me. Maybe there will be a time (hopefully in the very distant future) when my children scroll my time line to remember me and relive their childhoods. I think the motherhood challenge will make them smile and remind them that I was happy to be their mum.
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