Women often talk about their desire to have a little girl and some go to extreme lengths to make it happen. Jolanda Waskito was the opposite; she wanted a boy. When she set out to understand why she felt this way, the answer was surprising.
I was 34 when my husband and I decided it was the right time to have a child. I also decided I wanted a boy.
Boys are easier to take care of, I thought, no worrying about teenage pregnancy or grilling every boy who wants to date your daughter and imagining what could happen.
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Boys are simple, I thought, as my husband sat in front of the TV watching footy and holding a beer.
I’m also not a girly-girl. As a child, I was a tomboy. I had an older brother and we grew up playing full-contact football with the neighbourhood kids, mostly boys.
We built forts, swung on ropes tied to tree branches, got into almost-fights with other kids, played street tennis till it was dark and each had our own impressive collection of Hot Wheels cars.
My mum, a seamstress by trade, made me dresses. Lots of dresses. Which I didn’t like wearing. In Year 1, because I reckoned I was a big girl, I told mum I would wear dresses no more.
So when I became pregnant, I definitely wanted a boy. I elected to find out the sex. It was a girl. I felt a bit numb. The word “girl” appeared in my mind, but I felt nothing. Not warmth or joy, just “OK then”. But I don’t think I really accepted it.
At the time, I had a pretty stressful job and had read enough books about pregnancy to know that whatever you eat, hear, feel, think — the baby is also going to absorb it.
I didn’t want the baby to come out all stressed, anxious and colicky, so on the recommendation of a friend, I took myself to an acupuncturist specialising in dealing with emotion. I used the sessions as a way to de-stress and relax. What I received was way more than that.
During one of the sessions, some raw emotions came to the surface. Unexpected. I started crying and when I tried to verbalise what I was feeling, what came out was a revelation: the reason I wanted a boy was based on my mother’s belief that being a girl in a male-dominated world was a bad life. But that was her belief and her experience. Not mine.
From that moment on, I accepted my baby girl completely and fully with love.
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My daughter is four years old now and, wouldn’t you know it, she’s a girly-girl. Her favourite colour is pink, she loves wearing fairy costumes, she treats her dolls and stuffed animals as her babies, she loves the Disney Princesses and prefers to wear dresses.
She’s a happy, giggly, silly, affectionate child. She’s definitely not very interested in Hot Wheels and I very definitely embrace who she is.
Your say: Were you hoping for a boy or a girl when you were pregnant? Why do you think you felt that way?
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