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26 month old: How to navigate tricky toddler behaviours while keeping your cool

Understanding the triggers for toddler tantrums and anger outbursts.
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Toddlers of this age are experts at testing your limits and making their own feelings known, in no uncertain terms.

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But itโ€™s also important for you to find consistent ways to let them know that negative or hurtful behaviours are not OK, without fearing youโ€™ll squelch their spirit.

โ€œNoโ€ is actually a necessary and important word in your parenting toolkit, but itโ€™s most effective when used selectively, firmly and calmly to clarify no-go boundaries โ€“ hurting others, tantrums, self-endangerment etc.

Aggression

Kicking and biting hurt. All they know is that it makes them feel better when theyโ€™re angry or frustrated! Before you despair that you are raising a bully, realise that the aggression is almost never malicious but typical of a stage that combines primitive language with self-centredness and limited impulse control. Wham!

Tactics to deal with toddler aggression include:

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  • Respond quickly and briefly remove them from the situation so they connect the behaviour with a consequence.

  • Model appropriate responses to anger so even when youโ€™re angered by their behaviour, avoid hitting, yelling or telling them theyโ€™re bad. Showing you can control your temper will help them learn to do the same.

  • Remind yourself to reward good behaviour and positive play.

  • If you canโ€™t predict their obnoxious behaviour or it continues, try actively supporting them in play situations before the behaviour occurs. Some kids resort to pushing etc because they simply donโ€™t know how to engage another child in play. Put down your coffee cup and get in there with the kids, encouraging turn-taking games and sharing.

Toddler meltdowns are often due to a lack of language skills. Image: Getty.

Tantrums

Does your two-year-old like to pitch a fit? One minute all is calm, the next a mini storm is raging on your kitchen floor. Take heart: youโ€™re not raising a manipulative tyrant, itโ€™s more likely at this age that meltdowns are due to a lack of language skills โ€“ inability to articulate feelings and needs โ€“ and the frustration this can cause.

Some child experts say tantrums are due to shifting chemicals in toddlersโ€™ brains.

WATCH: Tips for getting ready with a toddler. Continues after video โ€ฆ

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Tantrum tactics include:

  • Keep your cool โ€“ donโ€™t add to the emotion with your own and donโ€™t stomp out of the room as your child is dealing with a storm of emotion that is no doubt frightening to them โ€“ they need to know youโ€™re nearby.

  • Donโ€™t give in, youโ€™re the adult. Try to remember when itโ€™s a public event, every other parent knows what youโ€™re going through and you may need to be prepared to pick them up and take them to a safer place if they are endangering themselves or others.

  • Learn their triggers and prepare accordingly โ€“ are tantrums often connected to hunger, lack of choice, nap time, or transitions like leaving or arriving? Remember, divert and distract!

  • Get a medical opinion if your toddler is still having three or four tantrums a day, and unable to follow routines like getting dressed, by the time they are three.

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