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How to create a love insurance policy for your relationship

Make this the season for strengthening connections.
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Two people meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. We all grew up reading this story in fairytales, but in real life some of us find the โ€œever afterโ€ part might not play out as expected. 

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About one in three Aussie marriages end in divorce, with the median length being 8.5 years before separation.

Thatโ€™s the bad news, but hereโ€™s the good: there are lots of science-backed ways you can reduce the chances of your long-term relationship coming unstuck.

In other words, โ€˜happily ever afterโ€™ doesnโ€™t come down to magic but rather time and effort.

According to Sydney-based psychologist Gemma Cribb, who specialises in relationships, one of the main reasons relationships fail is when the partnership is neglected over time. 

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a happy couple sitting in a window
Happily ever after takes time and effort. (Credit: Getty)

TENDING THE FIRE

โ€œCouples can de-prioritise their partner, resulting in loss of connection and intimacy,โ€ she says. 

โ€œThey can begin to take each other for granted and stop expressing fondness and admiration for each other. 

โ€œBad communication habits can also develop, particularly in situations of conflict, which can erode the sense of emotional safety and trust in the relationship.โ€

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Itโ€™s easy to assume that love is enough to help you and your partner weather all of lifeโ€™s storms, but Gemma says partnerships require ongoing effort to keep them strong and healthy. 

a couple sitting with their child
Happy relationships take ongoing effort. (Credit: Getty)

โ€œLove is a feeling and like all feelings, love can fluctuate,โ€ she explains. โ€œYou might be having a bad day, or you might have work stress, or you and your partner might have had an argument and you might not feel love during these times even though thereโ€™s nothing fundamentally wrong with the relationship. 

โ€œInstead, focusing on loving actions by regularly investing time, attention and energy into the relationship with your partner consistently has been shown to produce the best long-term outcomes for romantic relationships.โ€ 

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Weโ€™ve compiled a list of proven ways to keep relationships going over the long term. You might like to think of it as a sort of love insurance policy. 

a couple hugging
A love insurance policy is a checklist to keep your relationship in check (Credit: Getty)

THE LOVE INSURANCE POLICY

Touch regularly 

Research shows that couples who initiated and received touch (think: holding hands, cuddling, etc.) felt closer to their partners and experienced a stronger relationship overall. 

Connect often 

Gemma highly recommends having โ€œrituals of connectionโ€, which means, โ€œMaking time in your day to spend time together, focused on each other, which can help you keep in touch with each otherโ€™s thoughts and feelings.โ€

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Have conflict-negotiation strategies 

โ€œWork out which ongoing disputes you have are resolvable and which disputes occur because you are different people who come from different backgrounds and have different priorities,โ€ she says. 

โ€œWhere possible, accept each otherโ€™s differences rather than trying to change your partner.โ€

Pick your battles and your timing 

โ€œHaving a โ€˜state of the unionโ€™ meeting where you agree on a time to bring up the things that have been bugging you can help you air your grievances in the most constructive way possible and when both partners are most prepared and ready to have these conversations,โ€ she says. 


The Road Trip is now streaming on Paramount+.

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