Christmas is a magical time.
It’s filled with family and food and laughter and love.
Unless it’s not.
Unless it’s emotionally charged and fraught with stress or anxiety; loneliness or sadness.
Sometimes there are financial burdens to think about or pressure to put on an unforgettable event. At times there are unpleasant family dynamics to contend with, or grief at spending the first Christmas without a loved one.
So what can we do? How can we survive the festive season without resorting to channelling The Grinch?
During this busy time it’s very important to both ask for help from those who are able to give it, and take time out to charge your batteries, says psychologist Gemma Cribb.
“You’re likely to be organising and preparing things on top of an already busy schedule. But remember the fun of decorating the tree and leaving Santa cookies when you were a kid? Being assertive and asking for help may just give your family a similar pleasure if it is done in the spirit of fun and playfulness.
“But if you’re not coping, then not only do you have a bad time, but your stress can turn into irritability. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, and that can only be achieved through good self-care that prioritises taking time to unwind.”
Sometimes, though, even prioritising time for yourself can’t make up for the fact that your family just isn’t gelling. Maybe you’ve had a difficult year with your siblings or parents, or perhaps your partner’s family is determined to make your life a living hell.
If you feel like things are getting a little too tense around the Christmas ham, Cribb suggests changing the subject, cracking a joke, telling people you’re feeling uncomfortable or simply excusing yourself and taking some time out – don’t feel guilty for needing a little respite.
“Also limit alcohol if your family is prone to arguments,” suggests Cribb. “And if possible, make sure you have your own transport so you can leave if things get really tough.”
If your distress at Christmas is a result of an emotional trauma or loss of loved one, take the opportunity to be extra kind to yourself.
“You might want to commemorate them at some point during festivities,” says Cribb. “Say a prayer, light a candle, cook their favourite dish or share memories of the Christmases you shared with them in years gone by.
“If you can, try and use Christmas as a time to connect with and appreciate your remaining loved ones”
And if all else fails? Remember this, too, shall pass. The festivities will soon be over, your in-laws will fly home, and the Christmas tree will be packed away.
Cue big sigh of relief.
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