Ahhh Easter, aka the holy grail of holidays for Chocoholics. It’s not enough us addicts spend 364 days of the year secretly pigging out on the sweet stuff – we also get a bonus day where it’s perfectly acceptable to do so. To practise for this momentous annual choccie event, anyone who is a true chocolate fiend will no doubt relate to doing the following, regularly:
1. You spend $13 on chocolate and think: justified but then spend $13 on vegies and think: what is the world coming to?!
2. You find a chocolate bar melted at the bottom of your handbag and hold an impromptu moment’s silence for what could have been.
3. But then you just stick it in the fridge to reform, and don’t even care that it’s turned white and tastes a bit funky. You’d never throw it out.
4. Every day is a scavenger hunt at your place because you’ve hidden so much chocolate from the kids and hubby, yet are constantly forgetting where it all is (until it resurfaces months later by falling on your head when you clean out that cupboard).
5. You buy after-dinner mints but have no plans to eat them after dinner at a dinner party (or share them for that matter).
6. It’s pouring with rain but you have a major craving so end up rummaging through the pantry and feel immense joy when you find a rogue packet of hot chocolate, eating the powder straight – despite it making you cough. No shame, no regrets.
7. You crack open a packet of chocolate at work and offer it around with the hope your workmates will refuse (getting miffed when they don’t).
8. And you secretly harbour rage when a colleague comes over to snag the very last one. Right, they’re on your hit list.
9. You live for the days after Easter because it means all the eggs will be on sale and you can stock up your supply without subtle judgement from the cashier.
10. Main meals are often sacrificed as you’re too full from all that pre-dinner chocolate.
11. You buy a family block but then a member of your family takes a piece and you immediately mentally disown them.
12. You’re drifting off to sleep but the thought of chocolate suddenly pops into your head but you have none in the house and so there goes any chance you had at a restful night.
13. Going into a supermarket/chocolate shop/deli/anywhere that sells chocolate and leaving without a bar, even if you don’t feel like it, is something which would never happen. Ever.
14. You hate to think how much of your money has gone towards chocolate but you’re pretty sure without this addiction you’d be able to afford property in Sydney by now.
15. At parties, you conveniently linger around the snack table so no-one hogs all the chocolate, that’s what you’re there for.
16. You find a chocolate shard on your shirt and lick it off, enjoying every moment of the surprise choccie encore.
17. You’re chocolate standards are high so when you’re low on cash and need to resort to cheapo supermarket chocolate instead of an overpriced fancy packet from the chocolatier, you actually feel like you’re compromising on your morals.
18. You put yourself on a chocolate ban only to then reward yourself with chocolate for getting through the day without chocolate. Chocoholics’ logic.
19. You desk drawer at work resembles a vending machine, and frequently offers more chocolate options.
20. And finally… Easter is basically your second birthday and you have zero problems tucking into a few eggs from your kids’ choccie loot. After all, you’re helping them stay healthy, right?
