You might have been given countless pieces of parenting advice from well-meaning mums before you gave birth, but dealing with how to return to work after maternity leave probably wasn’t one of them.
We bet no one mentioned the confidence hit you’d take after months away from the workforce, or told you how strongly FOMO (fear of missing out) on your baby’s milestones could affect you as you sat anxiously at your desk.
But these problems are among a plethora of very real mental, physical and emotional issues for mothers returning to work, says Kate Sykes, co-author of Career Mums. So how do you overcome them?
Finding jobs and flexibility at work
The most immediate questions to focus on when re-entering the workforce are the practical ones, like how to negotiate a flexible job, says Sykes. A good start is to visit www.fairwork.gov.au to review the right to request flexible work arrangements employment law.
“Ask your employer for a copy of the company’s Flexible Work Policy,” says Sykes. “If you are applying for a new role, ask upfront if they will consider flexible work options. If the role is reasonably senior and demanding, two days per week probably won’t cut it. Be reasonable, practical and sensible.”
If you’re seeking a new role, Sykes suggests a young hot-shot recruiter may not necessarily understand your situation, so seek out a few and remember that thorough preparation is key.
“Work on your resume, know what roles you are after, your flexibility requirements, and how much you are worth,” she recommends. “Make sure you are armed with a new suit, hairstyle and make-up, and leave the ‘kid-talk’ at home.
“If you are sensing that they are wasting your time, ask if they have any intention of helping you, then move on if need be.”
Confidence issues
We could all use more of it, but many new mums take a confidence hit after time away from their career.
“Parenthood presents a whole heap of opportunities that can leave us feeling empowered or defeated,” says Emma Walsh, Founder and Director of Mums@Work. “Where some parents gain confidence in their newfound (little) people managing abilities, others get stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk.”
If this has happened to you, Sykes suggest you should “admit to yourself that your self-confidence has taken a hit and start re-building it.” If you have a job to return to, visiting your work colleagues, asking your manager if you can do some light project work before coming back, and attending some team meetings might help ease the transition.
“If you are not currently employed, hang out with your friends who are working and starting talking ‘work-speak’ again,” Sykes says. “Remember, it is your confidence that has taken a hit, not your skills. Anyone who has returned to work will tell you that after a few days, they felt like they had never left — and they also commonly feel like they have come back to work stronger and better than ever.”
Childcare: guilt and affordability
For Katrina Dight Martin of Sydney, making the decision to put her eight-month-old daughter in childcare when she returned to work was the most difficult. “Questions such as: Am I doing the right thing? Is my child going to cope being away from me? Am I going to cope being away from my child? And the big one — what if something terrible happens? filled my head,” she says. But with limited financial resources and a small network of family and friends to support her and her working husband, there was no other option.
Conquering parental separation guilt and anxiety can be challenging, but luckily, there is no shortage of books or articles on the topic that can help you cope.
“The truth of the matter is, children often cope very well with day care. Mothers, not so well, initially anyway,” Dight Martin says.
Inevitably, the cost of childcare is one of the biggest challenges.
“It’s no secret that childcare is an expensive cost for Australian families and it seems to be getting more expensive,” says Walsh. “The Annual Child Care & Workforce Participation Survey 2014 from CareforKids found that 30 percent of employed parents feel working is financially unviable for them. The proposed Budget 2014 changes to Family Tax A and B will also have significant impact on families and the rate of childcare they can afford.”
The best bet is to avoid this by planning ahead, says Walsh. “As early as you can, write down what you want from childcare … and contact The Family Assistance Office (FAO) to understand benefits available to you and register for the CCB and the CCTR.
“Think about what kind of care you would like — centre-based care, a family member or nanny,” says Walsh. “If you can afford childcare, put your name on the waitlists as soon as possible, as well as back up options. If childcare is not financially viable and you don’t have family support, investigate sharing a nanny or sharing care with another mum or your partner, where you alternate work and care days.”
Managing expectations
Ultimately, after returning to work, maintaining a viable work/life balance may be the toughest problem to face. How do you juggle family with work without feeling like you’re only half committing to both? There is no easy answer, but a change in mindset is the best start.
“Managing your expectations will go a long way to alleviating guilt or other uncomfortable emotions that inevitably arise in the return to work transition,” Walsh says. “Remember, no one’s perfect, but believing they can be is what gets many women into trouble. Shifting your perceptions of what’s realistic can also help take the pressure off yourself.”
Sykes adds that every family is different.
“There is no magic pill. Don’t compare your family to other families. Work on a happy medium for all. And above all, share the domestic duties with your partner, your kids or your ex.”
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