Sailing through the season happily is not only about getting your look right and conquering your nerves in public. It’s also about having the confidence to stand your ground when it comes to managing the finer details. For example, are you tired of being the one upon whose shoulders all the organisational responsibility seems to fall, but don’t know how to say enough is enough? Sick of spending the equivalent of the gross domestic product of a developing nation on gifts every year, but unsure about how to turn the tide? Wish you had the courage to say no to your children at least occasionally? Here are some timely tips:
- If your family resembles the Brady Bunch gone wrong, don’t be afraid to break from traditions that have outlived their time. To avoid one large gathering full of tension and tight lips, suggest organising one place (such as Grandma’s house), where relatives can drop in at their leisure during Christmas Day. “This means relatives who don’t get on can try not to be present at the same time, it lessens tension when ex-partners arrive to drop off or pick up children, and prevents the stress of the sit-down lunch where Aunt Clara doesn’t want to talk to Uncle Fred, or the kids just refuse to sit still,” says Anne Hollonds, chief executive officer of Relationships Australia, NSW branch.
- Don’t travel out of guilt. “With so many families geographically distant, there’s a lot to be said for the notion of celebrating the 12 days of Christmas, so that the socialising is more spread out and less taxing,” says Anne. “Explain to your family well in advance that this is what you plan to do this year, to ensure you enjoy quality time with everybody and don’t run yourself ragged.”
- If the thought of being the one who does all the cooking, cleaning and chasing leaves you cold, why not book a restaurant for Christmas lunch this year? Anyone who wants to come can and those who don’t can please themselves. Making the decision to do something different can be extremely liberating.
- If you’re afraid of blowing out your budget again this year overspending on gifts, be the one with the confidence to suggest alternatives. It will not only make things easier for you, but win you kudos from others who wish they’d thought of it first. For instance, designate each family member one relative to buy for – that way, everyone gets a present, but nobody is left with an enormous credit card debt. Set a low-cost limit per gift and insist everyone sticks to it. Or make pacts to buy only for children. Of course, any gift that you put time or effort into will immediately be special because it is more personal. For example, you could give a friend homemade babysitting vouchers, which mean you will babysit for them five times during the year. Or make a photo collage, covering all the years you have known each other.
- Don’t allow yourself to be blackmailed by children who want everything they see. Talk to your children well before Christmas about realistic expectations. If other relatives tend to shower your kids with a million different presents that they can’t appreciate, request that they put the brakes on, or at least save some of the gifts for opening at a later time so small kids in particular are not overwhelmed by receiving too many presents at once.
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