There’s no doubt that alcohol consumption is ingrained in Australian culture. Whether it’s one or two an evening, or a weekend binge, it can be hard to know when it’s time to seek help. An addiction specialist reveals what to look for and how to have a conversation with a loved one about their alcohol consumption.
It can start out innocently enough. You notice your loved one reaching for a glass or two of wine at night. And then the drinking becomes more frequent until… bam, enjoying a tipple has transformed into something more concerning.
In fact, a fifth of Australians have been drinking more during the pandemic, according to the Australian National University. More than ever, alcohol became an escape from stress, anxiety, and even boredom at a time when lockdowns robbed us of vital support networks.
“Because alcohol is socially acceptable, people don’t tend to think of it as a drug – but it is,” says Diane Young, Addiction Specialist at South Pacific Private. “They think, I’m just having wine with dinner, or I’m having a few beers with mates. There’s an extent of acceptability.”
She warns that if people don’t address their dependence on alcohol, it could easily become an addiction.
So how can you tell if someone you love has developed a problematic relationship with alcohol? It’s less about the volume an individual drinks and more about how they respond to the alcohol, Diane says. One key question is: Does alcohol cause the user’s personality to change?
“The personality change is often indicative of someone who is going to run into problems if they’re not able to accept that they’re drinking too much,” Diane says.
“They’ll find they’re feeling more anxiety and depression. Their sense of purpose may diminish. Intimacy with a partner may also suffer. They may have blackouts.”
It’s important to monitor whether alcohol consumption is having flow-on effects that are beginning to impact your loved one’s relationships, health and work.
“Is the person you’re concerned about unable to participate in life activities like they used to as a result of drinking? Are they becoming unmotivated? Are they experiencing low mood and a sense of hopelessness. Has the previous connection they held with their family and friends been impacted?”
If your answer is yes to any of these questions, it would be wise to reach out to a drug and alcohol counsellor, attend a 12-step meeting (anyone can do this, even as a person who is supporting someone in addiction), or the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline.
“When people are starting to really use alcohol to medicate they’ll want to withdraw because they’re ashamed. They probably can’t even say that out aloud,” says Diane.
If it rings true for a loved one’s situation, it could be time to ‘chat’. But Diane advises “approaching the subject with caution”.
“It’s wise to say, can I talk to you about something that’s troubling me? This is difficult for me; would you allow me to talk for a moment before you respond? When you top and tail it in that way, they usually say yes. Don’t immediately bring up the alcohol.”
She advises using “I” phrases. For example: “I’ve been concerned about how things are. I’ve also noticed that we’re both drinking more than usual, and I’m a bit concerned about that.”
“Put it in a context of, I’m in this with you. I’m prepared to do this with you.”
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection.
If your loved one is not yet willing to accept help, consider seeking support for yourself so that you don’t become isolated by your partner’s alcohol dependence.
“As a partner, friend or family member of someone who is struggling with their alcohol consumption, don’t delay seeking some professional help for yourself,” Diane says. “Often people think they can do this alone, that they need to do this alone, but it’s so important to take care of yourself too. It’s the ‘old, put your own mask on first in the airplane’ saying.”
Brought to you by South Pacific Private Hospital.
*Visit South Pacific Private Hospital website to take an online self-assessment, or call for a free, confidential and professional phone assessment on 1800 063 332 to see if the treatment programs are right for your loved one.
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