If I said that I loved my body I would be lying.
I’ve had two children and I’m reminded of this every time I glimpse my naked reflection in the mirror. I try to dodge these moments, but sometimes they’re unavoidable.
I wince as I see my sagging breasts, soft belly, and protuding belly button – it never went back in after it ‘popped’ during my first pregnancy.
I grimace and shake my head as I poke the fat around my child-bearing hips and thighs.
“Gross,” I say to that sad reflection staring back at me.
It’s not a proud moment when you realise that you hate your body. This is my body. I wear it with me everyday of my life. It gives me life, it created, carried and nurtured two children for me, and yet I loathe it.
I work in the centre of Sydney. I’m surrounded by young, thin, beautiful women everyday. The comparisons I make on a daily basis between their bodies and my own is further detrimental to my body image.
Just yesterday morning as I stepped into the lift to arrive in my office I was joined by a young women in her early 20’s. I immediately noticed an absence of fat around her waist and her figure-hugging, size eight pencil skirt.
I subconsciously lowered my head, slumped my shoulders and angled my body away from the lift’s mirrors. I wanted to disappear, or at the very least I wanted to shrink.
This reaction and my feeling towards my body is exhausting and depressing.
Rationally I understand that my body does amazing things to sustain my life every single day. I know that I’m extremely lucky to have a healthy body and the way it looks really doesn’t matter.
I know this. I do. But still this feeling of loathing remains.
And I can live with this – to an extent. But what I can’t live with is the fact that I have a six-year-old daughter who learns everything about the world and her place in it from me.
I think her body is perfect and beautiful and the idea that one day she will loathe her body like I do mine breaks my heart.
Body loathing is an unnecessary waste of emotion and energy and I certainly don’t want to pass this hatred onto my beautiful, impressionable little girl.
So it was quite serendipitous when I stepped out of the lift yesterday to find this book sitting on my desk for review.
“Embrace. My story from body loather to body lover.”
You might remember the book’s author, Taryn Brumfitt from when her photos and video went viral on social media last year.
The mum-of-three from Adelaide shared her ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos to help fund her Kickstarter video campaign to produce a body image documentary.
Her campaign was supported by celebrities including Ashton Kutcher, Rosie O’Donnell, Ricki Lake and Zooey Deschanel, and she was interviewed by media from across the world.
Taryn’s viral ‘before’ and ‘after’ image
Taryn discussed her body loathing in her viral video. “‘You are fat, and you are ugly, and you are disgusting.’ That’s what I used to say to myself when I looked in the mirror.”
But Taryn shared how pursuing a lean, toned and scultpured body as a bodybuilder didn’t make her any happier. “I did have the perfect body – or near enough – but you know what? Nothing changed.”
I spoke to Taryn today about her passion for positive body image, and how she has learned to love her body – curves and all.
One thing Taryn said really struck a chord with me. She told me how she has spoken with thousands of women through her Body Image Movement from many different countries and asked them all the same question.
She asked them what they would be thinking about in their final days on Earth, and not a single woman answered that she would be thinking about her stretchmarks, her wobbly tummy or her cellulite. Because the way our bodies look are insignificant in the scheme of our life’s joys and achievements.
Taryn reminds women to look within themselves to help change their perception of their body.
“They don’t need to look outward for a lotion, a potion, or a pill to do it. They’ve got everything they need. It’s just a shift in perception.” she said.
But Taryn was quick to reassure mums that body love isn’t a quick journey, “It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s like a muscle that you build over time. You start by not being awful to yourself and giving yourself a hard time, and eventually you work up to saying some really positive things about yourself,” she explained.
And for mums struggling to come to terms with their post-baby body, Taryn has this message:
“My breasts have provided more than 4000 meals to my three children. Of course they look different! And my belly has grown three, and housed three babies. I have so much respect for my body. It’s my vehicle that I walk through life with.”
Taryn’s memoir is published by New Holland Publishers and is available for $26.99 via her Body Image Movement website.
