From The Australian Women’s Weekly Health Series Stress: How to Cope with Pressure. Click Here to buy to the book!
Gender thinking
For whatever reason – whether by nature or conditioning – men and women tend to think in very different ways.
These differences can generate enormous tension and stress. This may be reduced if you can gain some insight into the pattern of your partner’s thinking, and try to accept the differences.
Here are some common features of gender thinking which tend to promote misunderstanding. For example, when two members of the same sex get together, the content of the discussion may fit these forms:
How women look at things
Issues are 75 per cent personal and 25 per cent business. Women tend to be concerned with the quality of friendship and connection and feelings generally. Speech tends to be wide-ranging and detailed. Women prefer discussing the nature and consequences of a problem, in order to gain reassurance and confidence about themselves.
Women may frequently ask questions such as “What should be done?” and “Can I do it?”
How men look at things
Issues are 75 per cent business and 25 per cent personal. Men tend to be competitive, concerned with who’s bigger, tougher, stronger, better, and who has the most “toys”. Their speech tends to be direct and precise.
Men will try to solve problems where possible, in a effort to do something concrete. This role is powerful. “Knowing what to do” is important.
The most effective thing a man can do when talking to a woman is to check with her that he has grasped her meaning. She will greatly appreciate this effort!
When it’s just too hard
Despite the positive suggestions in this chapter, there are still relationships where abuse and violence affect both partners and children.
Often there is a major underlying problem such as past sexual abuse, current alcohol abuse (or other addictions) or depression and chronic unhappiness for all.
If you consider that you, or your family, need help with such issues talk with your doctor or trained people who can support you to change. Professional help is essential if you wish to change these family patterns in the future.
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