Smarter problem-solving

Are you a “fixer”? That’s a person who feels they have to change other people’s behaviours, alter situations, make things better and do it all within a certain time-frame.

Focusing on a problem that has to be fixed, even when it is beyond your control, is a shortcut to stress. Next time you find yourself fretting, try one — or all — of these seven ideas instead.

Acknowledge that it’s not what you wanted. Saying out loud, “Well, I didn’t expect that to happen” is a simple way to defuse the problem’s initial impact. It liberates you from the idea that you should have somehow anticipated every possible scenario, which is, of course, impossible. The only reason a problem is a problem is because you hadn’t planned for it. It’s just a different outcome.

Take time out. Instead of reacting immediately, sit back, shut your eyes and wait, even if it’s just for a minute. Say to yourself, “I can…” as you inhale and “…solve this” as you exhale. Open your eyes. Chances are you’ll do and say something much smarter.

Roll with the punches. You are more likely to solve a problem if you adopt a flexible attitude. Train yourself to see that whatever is happening, good or bad, is just information; life is not a static experience and so it follows that this information will constantly change. If one plan isn’t working, switch to another rather than trying to force the original idea through.

Think ‘white’ thoughts. Problems tend to trigger “red thoughts” that inflame your emotions and angry thoughts, such as “I’ll get him for creating this mess for me to clean up”. Practise “white” alternatives, such as, “I will find another way to help him see things as I do.”

See it happen. Athletes are trained to envisage their goals, to actually see themselves touching the pool wall first, or scoring a goal. Before you tackle a problem, visualise yourself achieving a successful outcome; hold the feeling as you start working towards a solution.

Listen to your inner voice. As you process the problem, different options will come to mind. Let your intuition guide you towards the one that feels right. If it’s a surprising choice, so much the better; the logical answer is not always the best one.

Write it down. “Face your mind’s demons and they become nothing but shadows,” is a traditional samurai proverb. There’s something about committing problems to paper or to a computer file that makes them more manageable, rather than malevolent “demons”. Writing it all down in a journal or diary is also a fluid, evolving approach: if you don’t solve a problem right away, it doesn’t matter. Simply getting it out of your head is progress and helps you to feel calmer. Your journal is a safe place, one where you can scream and complain and gather the strength you need in order to go back out into the world again tomorrow.