PSA: we refuse to let 2017 be dictated by politicians like Barnaby Joyce telling us where we can and can’t afford to live, not to mention, the devastatingly questionable decisions President Trump seems to drop on the world at random each day.
Rather, this is a year to truly celebrate the more pleasurable (and less politically horrifying) things in life…
Namely, our sex lives.
According to the stars, in 2017, each sign is set to sexually prosper, with success and abundance astrologer Eloise Meskanen pin-pointing the exact sex position that will get you there (and the best suited cosmic partner to match).
Aries: Woman on top
The bold Aries is one sign who likes to (literally) come first, making this red-hot position perfect for Rams who want to take the lead in the bedroom.
When it comes to an Aries love match, look no further than a Sagittarian; both Aries and Sagittarian types are firecracker signs, and their chemistry is sizzling.
Taurus: Naked sushi platter
If you didn’t know then, you do know now: the sensual Taurus loves all pleasures of the flesh, making this tasty position most satisfying for Bulls.
Cancerians are excellent bed buddies for Taurus types as both Taurus and Cancer are typically sentimental, sensitive signs.
Gemini: Threesome
A flexible sexual scenario like a threesome is one of the most stimulating positions for the curious Gemini.
Need to pick a playmate? Aquarians and Geminis, both up-for-fun, experimental air signs, make for a sexually electric team.
Cancer: The Spoon
Unbeknown to some, the sensitive Cancerian can’t get enough of emotional intimacy, which explains why this soft, cosy position is a bedroom favourite for those who fall into the Cancer sign.
Considering Taurus is one astrologically touch-feely sign, just like Cancer, you can see how this could make for one blissful, between-the-sheets partnership.
Leo: In front of the mirror
Charismatic and a proud exhibitionist, this show-off position is perfect for pleasure-seeking Leos.
As told by the stars, Leos and Librans are glamorous, sexy signs and naturally gravitate towards each other.
Virgo: The Washing Machine (yes, on top of the machine during a wash cycle)
Practical and organised, this in-the-heat-of-the-moment position is a must-do for all Virgos come laundry day.
As a fellow earth sign, Capricorns are up for a bit of organised, tangible, Virgo-style fun.
Libra: Missionary
The charming Libran is all about balance, meaning that this classic position is an old favourite for Scales in the bedroom.
When a Libran type is feeling frisky, call on a Leo; both Librans and Leos are elegant signs, and their connection is magnetic.
Scorpio: Handcuffed to the bed
The intense Scorpio is all about power and control between the sheets, so it makes sense that this kinky position is a turn-on for Scorps.
In terms of a passion partner, a Pisces type is a Scorpio’s go-to as each sign is erotic and mysterious. Just be mindful, Scorps; a Piscean will want to swap roles with you!
Sagittarius: Against the wall
The adventurous Sagittarius is all about spontaneity, making this made-for-the-impatient position an ol’ faithful for them when the mood strikes.
Sagittarian, here’s a hot (sex) tip: you’ll have explosive chemistry with an Aries type; trust us, their libido fires up as fast as yours!
Capricorns: The Secretary (bent over the desk)
The ambitious Capricon loves to give and take orders, making this position the best for Goats in the bedroom (or boardroom).
Sometimes-bossy Capricorns are best paired with ever-organised Virgos as they are both practical, made-for-each-other signs.
Aquarius: Crystal Pleasure Wand
The eccentric Aquarian is into all new-age ideas, making this spiritual sex toy a must-have for Water-bearers in bed.
Just like an Aquarian, Gemini is a freedom-loving sign that’s up for an adventure – and, in this case, of the sexual kind.
Pisces: Shower Sex
There’s no doubt about it: the dreamy Piscean loves to get wet and slippery, so a steamy position, just like this one, is perfect for Fish in the mood.
Pisceans and Scorpios are each watery signs, with both of them up for the occasional sexual splash-about.
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