When Shanon, 26, first watched a porn flick with her boyfriend, it was super awkward.
“I laughed” she says. “It was like watching Funniest Home Videos, and not a turn-on at all.”
Shanon’s experience is common, with women often finding sexy movies intimidating, boring or plain worthy. But there are pros to porn – especially when watching it with your partner.
All together now
In Australia, about 80 per cent of men and 66 per cent of women watch porn; it’s a great way of getting in the mood. A person’s porn preferences offer an insight into their sexual fantasies, but because it’s so revealing (and at times embarrassing) you might worry about introducing it into a relationship.
In fact, porn can actually be good for your relationship. It doesn’t have to ruin your self confidence or your sex life. Do it right, and it’ll improve both.
Despite this, some women feel uncomfortable about watching porn with a partner, thinking, “does he wish I looked like her?” or, “does he want me to do that?” Men are visual creatures they get turned on by what they see. It doesn’t mean he’s not massively into you he just has an active mind. And by watching porn with your guy, you can get to know his turn-ons, find ideas for new positions and techniques, and mix up your sexual routine.
Sydney sex therapist Amanda Joy-Robb believes couples can benefit from popping their porn cherry.
“Porn provides a platform to talk about sex and each person’s likes and dislikes,” she explains.
“It invites excitement and exploration, and supports them both to disclose if they’d like to take what’s on the screen into the bedroom.”
However, she warns that it’s not a cure all.
“If you think porn will ‘fix’ your sexual relationship, I’d encourage you to think again. But if it’s to add experimentation to an already healthy and trusting relationship, you’ll likely get a more positive response.”
Go on, just ask
So, how do you take that first step and suggest a couple’s viewing sesh?
“Pick your timing, keep it light, and make sure your reasons behind the idea are clear,” advises Joy-Robb.
Don’t interrogate your boyfriend about his previous porn-watching; take a relaxed approach and go with something like, “Do you want to watch porn together sometime? I’ve never done that before, and I’m kind of curious.”
Be prepared for any response: he might be ecstatic, grossed out or totally unfazed. Whatever his reaction, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about your sex life in general, ask what he wants to try, and explore possibilities.
He’s in now what?
Scroll through categories on popular sites together (such as pornotube.com, redtube.com and youporn.com). There is a gigantic range to suit any taste. If you’re nervous, start with something that’s not too full on. For entry-level porn-watchers, refine your search with keywords such as “amateur”, “couples”, “female-friendly”, and “softcore”.
Scroll through categories on popular sites together (such as pornotube.com, redtube.com and youporn.com). There is a gigantic range to suit any taste. If you’re nervous, start with something that’s not too full-on. For entry level porn watchers, refine your search with keywords such as “amateur”, “couples”, “female-friendly”, and “softcore”.
Once Cassie, 21, had decided on a category with her partner and got over the initial giggles, she found she really enjoyed herself. “It wasn’t awkward, it was fun. It’s great to be turned on in a different way.” Emily, 24, also regularly includes porn in her bedroom activities. “My partner and I like watching porn alongside sex. Sometimes we’ll watch the scripted movies for a laugh, tool”
It’s not for us
Of course it’s fine to laugh when you’re watching porn if only at the terrible acting. It’s meant to be fun, so try not to take it too seriously.
But if you find you’re laughing because you’re uncomfortable, then get yourself out of there. You can let your partner know you’re not enjoying it, or just direct his attention elsewhere with something like, “Why don’t we switch this off so we can focus on each other?” Realise that porn is not for everyone, and especially so when you’re trying to match two sexual desires.
Melissa, 25, found that porn was something best enjoyed alone. “I don’t want to intrude on my partner’s private fantasies, any more that I want him to intrude on mine,” she says. For others, like Steph, 26, it’s tricky to sync with their partner’s preferences. “Apparently I watch ‘ladies’ porn’, and he wanted to watch a really specific type of massage called nuru – which just isn’t my thing at all,” she admits.
Luckily, porn isn’t a requirement for great sex. If you’re not completely loving it, simple switch it off.
