My husband and I had a sweet, calm four years before our son came along.
We rarely fought, and made-up quickly, spent lots of time together doing new activities and often went to the movies or on romantic picnics.
But after our son was born, the sleep deprivation, isolation and demands of looking after our newborn made me snappy and impatient. My husband was left wondering where his once amiable wife had disappeared to!
Luckily, three years later, we have a better handle on our “couple time” but it required work on both our parts.
If you’re feeling the strain of parenthood on your relationship, you’re not alone.
The good news is, things do settle down after a while. You can find new ways to enjoy time together without wanting to bite each others’ heads off!
Here are some easy ways to stay connected now you’re parents:
Movie nights
Remember the nights of watching movies at the cinema, the hand-holding and buckets of popcorn? You don’t?
Well, it’s time to bring movie nights back.
If watching movies at home is more your thing, then dim the lights and snuggle on the couch in your best PJs.
Rhonda Chapman, a mum of one says, “We often watch a movie together at home after my son has gone to bed”.
While in the Tate household, movie night is a family affair. Carolyn Tate says, “We have date night every Saturday where the kids watch a movie, and we hang out together.”
Early bedtime
Put the kids early to bed in order to enjoy some quality time together unwinding after a long day.
You can enjoy a meal together and have a chance to catch-up without distractions.
Having an uninterrupted meal and conversation is a real luxury when you have small children.
Try and resist switching on the TV or checking your phone.
Sharing babysitting hours
Having an arrangement with another couple who are happy to share/pay for babysitting hours can work well if you need couple time.
Heather Smith says, “We swap babysitting hours with other people in similar situation, so we have time out.”
You could also ask the in-laws to watch the kids once a month or send your kids for a sleepover during holidays.
Eva Lewis says this works well for her marriage, “Once a month our son goes to one of our parents’ place and we have dinner or lunch or simply relax at home.”
Switch off for a few hours
Get uninterrupted time on a date night by switching off from screen time for a few hours. Avoid the temptation to check Facebook or text friends.
Take the time to focus on one another, hug or even give each other body or foot massages.
Talk during chores
While completing chores may not exactly be on the list of romantic activities, it does get both of you talking!
Why not tackle that overgrown lawn or garden together?
Rhonda Chapman often finds herself doing chores with her other half. “Often we have to spend time doing other ‘creative’ things like mow the lawn together, fold the laundry and cook dinner together so we can chat,” she says.
Show gratitude
Sometimes the quickest way to feel loved and connected with each other is to say thanks for all the things your partner does for you.
Notice one thing each day that you do for each other and say thanks through a thoughtful text, love note or with a quick hug.
There’s something about being appreciated that gives that warm, fuzzy feeling in your heart!
