It heats up super quickly when you are in the mood.
It never gets hot for anyone but you.
It gets turned on even when you’re in your old pyjamas and bedsocks.
It exists purely for your pleasure and seeks nothing for itself (except power, which is kind of attractive).
It doesn’t complain that its legs have fallen asleep when you lie on it.
You are its first. The warranty says so.
When you need a break it will sit on the shelf and wait for you indefinitely.
It will never get you pregnant.
It gives you exactly what you need when you are sick or cranky.
It is adjustable.
It is only very rarely combustible.
It will keep performing for you until it dies.
This story originally appeared on Life and Other Crises.
