There are times in all our lives when we experience grief. We all feel it to different degrees, and some cope better than others. So what exactly is grief, and how can we best survive it? Melbourne-based psychologist Chris Hall is the Director of the Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement and is an expert on the subject.
“Grief, quite simply, is our response to loss or change,” he explains. “Someone once described grief as the price we pay for love. And it’s true … if you don’t love, you won’t grieve.
“We make attachments and bonds to people, places and beliefs, and if that attachment is ruptured, it produces the pain of grief.”
Chris adds that while many people respond to grief with great resilience, approximately 10-15 percent of bereaved people will develop complications that may become disabling.
“These people will often benefit from assistance such as support groups and counselling,” he says. “The thing that often protects us most is the loving support of family and friends.”
the death of a child (even if the child is 45 and the parent is 75)
the death of a young child
a sudden or unexpected death
traumatic or violent causes of death, or when a body is not recovered
“After the initial shock, comes the period when you have to realise that the world is a different place now and you’re a different person — changed by this event.
“This can be a really difficult time, especially if you’re really having trouble with practical things like knowing how to pay bills … or even how to fill the car with petrol.
“Fundamentally we never recover. Feelings change over time — and your relationship to the deceased changes too — but the grief will always be there to a degree.”
“Men’s grief is less visible and far more private. They’re often focussed on their thoughts rather than feelings of loss. They might put their own grief ‘on hold’ to be the strong one and the shoulder to cry on for their partner.
“So guys are in a bind, because on the one hand they’re supposed to show and share their emotions; but they still feel they need to be ‘the rock’.”
you are experiencing grief that’s so disabling and intrusive that it’s preventing you from re-entering into life.
your sleep is disturbed — insomnia is a strong marker that someone’s struggling.
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