Don't let things fester

Don’t let things fester

Don’t let things fester

Sticks and stones can break your bones, but harsh words can hurt even more. Research shows that arguing with your nearest and dearest makes you more vulnerable to a range of viral infections and lowers your immune system. Most pointedly, women showed more damage than men, presumably because they are also very good at stashing resentments and worries away to brood about later. So, when a major problem looms, take steps to handle it then and there:

Know the right time to talk about it: People tend to talk about their problems with money, their sex life, their children and their future when they’re in a bad mood – which can make everything seem far worse than it is. If you plan to talk when you’re feeling calm and well, however, the problem can look quite different.
Get emotional If you think you’ve got due cause, allow yourself to get good and angry first of all. Repress your feelings, and you’re just heading for more difficulties.
Take time to cool off: Your first reaction might be, “I’m fed up with you – I’m leaving”. But, before you say anything you might regret, you need to work out if the relationship is worth saving.
Listen: You need to hear from the other person their perspective about what led to the problem – then you can plan what to do, hopefully together.
Don’t forgive too easily: The other person must prove they want things to change, too, otherwise you’re setting yourself up as a doormat.
Move on: Work out what went wrong, lay the past to rest, and start again.