Yes, choose! We have little control over many stressful events and the bigger the event, the smaller we may feel by comparison.
For example, when we hear about famine in Africa, we may feel overwhelmed by the sheer scale of the problem. Very few of us, however, would refuse to give food to a hungry person, if asked.
By maintaining this attitude, we may decide to do what we can, however small our action may seem. We choose our action by standing for hope. We can reserve the right to be optimistic, and to think positively about solutions to problems, including our own. I call this learned optimism “thinking well”. Thinking well about difficulties is:
constructive
flexible
impartial
curious
balanced
tolerant
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By contrast, thinking “badly” (by reacting to difficulties with knee-jerk negativity and pessimism) is:
destructive
rigid
cynical
frustrating
resentful
sarcastic
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Take the example of Eliza, a young woman who is jilted and feeling unloved. She might despair and conclude that she is worthless and useless, but this type of thinking is corrosive and negative. An optimistic alternative would be to try to consider the best possible outcome – accomplishing a happy relationship despite the difficulties. Eliza’s thoughts might run like this:
I have love to give.
I need to find the right partner.
I did my best in the relationship but that wasn’t enough.
It won’t help to blame anyone.
I’m a worthwhile person even if that relationship isn’t.
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