Tonight on The Bachelorette Australia a CRIME WAS COMMITTED. I’m not talking about Sophie Monk calling herself a ‘performer’ (oi but srsly Soph, let’s go with personality, not performer).
I am of course talking about Jarrod Woodgate’s pot plant. After gifting Sophie a plant and promising to grow the seeds of love, Jarrod was proper red faced after realising his plant wasn’t flourishing. Sophie’s plant was going gangbusters, basically tickling the ceiling with its growth.
Meanwhile Jarrod’s plant looked like me after another night watching this show – flat and lifeless.
“You guys are taking this too far!” yelled Jarrod through tears. (I presume)
Accusing this guys of going too far is a bit rich – POT CALLING THE KETTLE SLACK, JARROD LOL – but legit, it’s time to find out who the pot perpetrator is. Read on for an in depth analysis into the suspects.
.jpg?resize=380%2C285)
THE WEATHER
As we see from the below screenshot Sydney was putting on quite the show in tonight’s episode. #SydneySoGood #SydneySunsets #SydneyYouMinx #SydneyStunner #WhatWinter #sydney #friends #likeforlike #instagood #instadaily
Sunny with a chance of BIFFO
So inclimate weather can’t be to blamed for Jarrod’s love plant failing to flower.
VERDICT: NOT GUILTY.
THE NEW GUYS
Sometimes the best way to get noticed is to make waves early, so it could be possible that the new men decided to make a statement by peeing in Jarrod’s plant. I certainly wouldn’t put it past Guy because he seems like the kinda Guy who hates plants, ferns and flowers in general.
However, Matt Moran, Stu The Winner and Guy haven’t really had long enough on the show to learn just how intense Jarrod is. It makes me question their MOTIVE (a word you hear a lot in police shows). And if there’s no motive, there’s no (plant) MURDER!
Just the three of us
VERDICT: Prob NOT GUILTY
THE MONK
Let’s be honest, when Jarrod gave (burdened) the pot plant to Sophie, you could almost see her pocket dialling the police.
“HELLO POLICE I’M IN A MANSION AND HE HAS A PLANT”
Also she’s been keeping Jarrod at arms length ever since the plant exchange. She knows that he takes everything to heart – if Jarrod believes his plant isn’t growing, he might believe they have no chance at love. So maybe by sabotaging his love fern she’s trying to force Jarrod out of the game. You’re smart Monk, a little too smart.
VERDICT: Possibly GUILTY
JARROD… OOH
The idea that Jarrod would self sabotage his own pot plant in order to win sympathy from Sophie sounds crazy. The kinda crazy that just might work…
Honestly, if Jarrod thought amputating his own arm, 127 Hours style, might boost his chances of getting a hug from Sophie he’d lop that bad boy off in a heartbeat.
Looking red pal
VERDICT: GUILTY AS SIN
OSHER
Osher spends all day waiting around on set, texting his mum and googling “Osher + Gunsberg + News” – basically he’s bored. So taking a whizz in a plant is probably a solid way of getting his kicks. I don’t blame him either, you do you Osher.
“Yeah I did it and I’d do it again.”
VERDICT: POSSIBLY GUILTY
THAT CRAZY KIWI GUY (RYAN)
In what must be the least surprising news of all time, Ryan and his incredibly obvious baggage, were shown the door tonight. Sophie realised that life with him would mean lots of silent nights in front of the TV wondering when you’d work up the courage to leave. So, she let him go early and he was NOT HAPPY.
Further evidence (another cop word) shows that Ryan walked passed a lot of greenery on his way out. Perhaps planting the seed (lol) for the perfect crime.
I’m not leaving here without making my mark.
VERDICT: NOT GUILTY only because he was prob escorted all the way back to Syd by security.
BLAKE
SportsBet has Blake at short odds to be the phantom pisser, mostly because every facial expression he makes screams “I PISSED IN THE PLANT.”
That post-pee grin
Honestly every time he was on screen and the plant crime was mentioned he couldn’t STOP grinning. Like at least be a little subtle m8.
Jarrod went up to Blake and used his big boy voice to confront him, accusing him of peeing in the plant. Blake denied the accusation ( they ALWAYS do) and told Jarrod he was DEFINITELY not to blame.
Who, me? I’ve just been sitting here with Luke while he has a stroke.
VERDICT: HE’S OUR MAN. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY
SUMMARY
While we have no confirmation, sources close to the plant tell me Blake is our man. Unfortunately without solid evidence that he soiled the soil, Blake gets off scot free.
All that we have left is Jarrod’s broken heart and a sad pot full of mystery urine.
PS – Creepy Guy was also sent home.
Official Crime Scene Photo
