Hello there Seven Year Switch fans. Should we call ourselves fans? I feel more like a victim, I’ve got Seven Year Switch Stockholm Syndrome – every time I feel like walking away I get sucked back, lured by the promise of what Sarge might say next.
Anyway, this is episode eight of twelve which means things are guaranteed to kick off as producers realise they haven’t got long left to ruin these people’s lives forever.
As predicted, the voice over woman tells us “Tonight is the BIGGEST night of Seven Year Switch ever!” What did I tell you?
To kick things off Kaitlyn decides to try on wedding dresses even though Mark would rather amputate his own arm than get married.
Look, it’s a mirage.
This prompts Jo Lamble to visit Mark and see what’s up – why does he refuse to marry Kaitlyn?
Mark basically says – in so many words – that he’s embarrassed of Kaitlyn and thinks she is highly inappropriate. No one disagrees because, well, I mean, he’s kind of hit the nail on the head there.
Speaking of things that are highly inappropriate, it seems the experts have decided that tonight is the perfect night to show the couple’s pictures of what their partners have been getting up to.
These snaps will be completely free of that annoying thing called ‘context’ so they’re sure to be incredibly damning. Nice Job, reality TV!
First up, Mark and Felicity see snaps of Kaitlyn and Michael. Mark flips out when he sees that Kaitlyn and Michael have been sharing a bed.
I’m feeling things and it’s weird.
Felicity is actually not that bothered, she just seems more annoyed that she has to deal with Mark’s tantrum.
In fact, Felicity is quickly becoming the most emotionless person on this show.
Things are less intense over at Stacey Louise’s joint, her and Johnny are just going for a casual skateboard session. Stacey is super angry about it because it requires leaving the house.
More like hateboarding.
It’s not long before we head to Kaitlyn and Michael’s place as they’ve just received their own batch of incriminating photos of Mark and Felicity.
The only problem is that Felicity hasn’t been within ten metres of Mark, so I’m curious to see how they’re going to make this seem suspicious…
Turns out they don’t even bother, all we see if a series of photos showing how much Felicity and Mark have failed to click.
Meanwhile Kaitlyn is (smartly) freaking out because she knows just how bad her photos with Michael will look in comparison.
Sarge and Tracey are the next couple to get sent some happy snaps. I was sure that Sarge would storm out, but he actually handles it all pretty well.
To be fair, the pictures aren’t really that bad, so neither he nor Tracey are that upset.
Last but not least, Stacey Louise and Johnny get snaps of Sarge and Trace. Stacey doesn’t like the way Sarge looks at Trace and promptly points that out.
Point to your enemy.
Now things are about to really kick off as we’re told that some of the partners are going to meet up for the very first time.
Michael and Mark will sit down for a pow wow, while Kaitlyn and Felicity will also catch up. #FriendsForever
The girls are first to meet and the first thing I notice is that there’s no one at the cafe. Hmm, no witnesses…
It’s pretty awkward straight off the bat, Felicity isn’t exactly helping things, she’s kinda like that second best friend you have in high school who just amps up the drama so she feels included.
You just know she’s the type of person who says, “No offence but…”
“You’ve totally ruined everything” – Felicity, 2017
Felicity tells Kaitlyn she has broken up a family and that she won’t be taking Michael back.
I think we can all agree Felicity has totally cooked this meeting and is slowly unravelling in real time. She then hands back the ring Michael gave her and tells Kaitlyn that it’s over for good.
Good chat.
Unfortunately we don’t get to see Michael and Mark’s catch up tonight but we did get a little teaser into what goes down and it seems Mark descends into full meltdown mode.
Zomg.
