Welcome to the final cook-off for group two and tonight it’s “ambitious newlyweds” Alyse and Matt.
I think we can all agree it’s been a pretty controversial group. In between Courtney crying and Matt’s awkward feminist comment, it’s felt like one long bout of indigestion. Luckily, it’s all over tonight.
Matt and Alyse head to the gym for a quick party pump – as you do – before telling us they’re used to winning, because they go to the races all the time. In case you forgot, they’re really into horse racing and ‘fashions on the field’. Matt’s also really into the gym which is clear considering his shirt is always screaming.
MATT’S SHIRT: PLEASE HELP!
While Alyse and Matt prepare their menu, all the other contestants give their thoughts on the couple. It’s clear they’re not overly popular.
They’ve named their instant restaurant “Birdcage” – presumably they’re both big fans of the camp 1996 comedy starring Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. Oh wait, my mistake, it’s a racing reference – OF COURSE! Hands up if you hope Alyse and Matt get scratched.
While that’s happening, Matt takes the opportunity to discuss their dessert pana cotta. He tells us a good pana cotta is creamy and wobbly like a breast. Errrrmmmm, ok.
I THINK I CAN SEE A PANNA COTTA
The guests arrive and we’re off and racing. They all seem to enjoy the Birdcage theme, except Josh, who hates it, “It’s a bit tacky and fake, a bit like Alyse.”
Alyse and Matt have gone to the trouble of making a form guide based on how everyone has fared so far. It provides a cute way for them to offend the entire table. Needless to say, Josh HATES it. “I hate it,” he scowls.
Back in the kitchen, Matt and Alyse prep the entrée – san choy bau – before serving it up to the judges. Pete thinks it is great, san choy WOW. Manu isn’t impressed, san choy boo!
Opinion around the table is split. Della and Tully enjoy the dish, as do Albert and Dave. No prizes for guessing who didn’t like it. Josh: “This is not high-end food.”
Ambitious newlyweds are struggling in the kitchen with the coconut rice looking not so nice. Alyse “isn’t used to losing” so she begins a second batch of the rice. Meanwhile, Matt starts the sauce, using his giant muscles to open a lot of jars. Well done Matt! Alyse gets involved too and tells us they won’t be making their curry paste from scratch as it takes too long. OH COME ON ALYSE PUT SOME EFFORT IN. Pete arrives and he too judges them for their laziness. Could this cost the ambitious newlyweds?
The mains come out – beef satay with NOT HOMEMADE sauce feat coconut rice – and the vibe isn’t good.
Manu says it’s not even a satay. Alyse says, “Well, we don’t like satay.” SO DON’T COOK IT! Then Pete sends them back to the kitchen to get their jar of sauce. He’s sauce shaming them. #SAUCESHAME
How quickly eating turns to cheating.
JOSH DOING HIS BEST TO HIDE HIS OVERWHELMING JOY.
ALYSE SEARCHING FOR A HUMAN TEAR.
While the Ambitious Newlyweds work on dessert, the table debates whether or not ‘jar-gate’ is cheating. Josh thinks it’s worthy of a disqualification (obviously), while Della isn’t so sure. Talk then turns to wobbly pana cotta and Albert mentions he loves it when it’s super wobbly. I need to shower.
Dessert is served and….once again Manu and Alyse disagree. He says they need to crisp the biscotti, she says that’s not how they do it. Of course. But Manu doesn’t mind it and neither does Pete. Maybe their dessert will be a saving grace.
Done and dusted, Alyse thanks Matt for being her ‘wingman.’ I don’t think she quite knows what that means. Scoring time and chances are it won’t be pretty. After a slew of scores – I couldn’t keep up, what am I rain man? – they end up getting a total of 52.
That puts them second last on the leader board just above – you guessed it – Josh and Amy. In the least surprising news of all time, they’ll go head to head and only one will survive!
