Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen doesn’t mince his words when giving feedback on House Rules. Here are 10 of his best lines.
1. On a painting in the entry of Fiona and Nicole’s place, chosen by Andrew and Jono: “Here we are in a very remote foresty location, which I would imagine is probably quite spooky at night. So what do you put on the wall in the hall? The scene of a mass murder.”
2. On the bike and ladder strung from the ceiling by Troy and Bec at Fiona and Nicole’s house: “It’s spelled ‘sculptural object’. It’s actually pronounced ‘rubbish’.”
3. On the ensuite in Fiona and Nicole’s house, designed by Harry and Kate: “This is a really ugly, ugly room. There’s no glamour, no Hollywood. The only Hollywood in that is it looks like a Bruce Willis disaster movie.”
4. On the cluttered couch in Kate and Harry’s living room, styled by Fiona and Nicole: “There is stuff of such satanic hideousness.”
5. On the study nook created by Sean and Ella at Kate and Harry’s house: “This has obviously been conceived for a manic depressive. You are just staring into the depressing infinity of a black corner with a skull and a couple of ‘I’ve had a good idea’ bulbs.”
6. On Xavier’s room in Kate and Harry’s house, designed by Troy and Bec: “There is an eye for design being used by the team but it is like a cross-eyed eye. It’s just not looking in the right direction.”
7. On the feature wall, chosen by Sean and Ella, in Andrew and Jono’s dining room: “I wonder if Jono and Andrew are going to be able to open their heart and their mind to something that looks quite so much like a pair of Granny’s knickers?”
8. On the entry to Troy and Bec’s house, designed by Kate and Harry: “It really just looks like an out-of-town car dealership. All you need is the blow-up man. Come buy cheap cars!”
9. On Brooklyn’s room at Aaron and Daniella’s house, designed by Fiona and Nicole: “It looks like the back-end storeroom of a baby emporium where they put all the stuff that didn’t sell because it was so dull.”
10. On the bathroom designed by Andrew and Jono in Aaron and Daniella’s house: “I feel as if I’ve been mauled by a beige sheep.”
