After his stellar performance last year, comedian Sam Pang was rebooked to host the 64th TV WEEK Logie Awards,
The presenter is known for his comedy chops on Have You Been Paying Attention? – which has, of course, been nominated for the best comedy entertainment program.
Sam’s hosting debut in 2023 left the audience in stitches. He opened his first monologue by quipping that he wasn’t Seven’s first choice to host.
“Hamish Blake said no. Thank you, Hamish, I really appreciate it,” he joked. “Julia Morris said no. Tom Gleeson said no. Kitty Flanagan said no. Mick Molloy said yes. And Chen Channel 7 lawyers said no. Shaun Micallef said no. Celia Pacquola said no.
“Shane Jacobson said yes before knowing what the question was. Karl Stefanovic said yes, as long the show was held in a park in Noosa. Dave Hughes said no, Sonia Kruger said no and eventually it came down to two, and then Rolf Harris died so here I am.”
It was a tough act to follow, but he was certainly up to the challenge this year! Here is his speech in full.
Sam Pang’s 2024 TV WEEK Logies monologue
Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Australian television’s night of nights, the 64th annual TV Week Logie Awards. I would like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation, the traditional custodians of this land and pay my respect to elders both past and present. And I extend that to all first nations people here today.
So I’m back and it’s an honour to return as your guide for the evening. I’m not actually officially hosting for the second time – last year’s ceremony just hadn’t finished.
And there’s no guarantee that I would return, especially after some of the reviews last year. The Sydney Morning Herald said I delivered a stellar performance. The Herald Sun said I had a sensational monologue and charmed a nation. And Sky News said stop immigration – Asians are taking our jobs!
But we’re here tonight to celebrate the Australian television industry and it’s fair to say that the major networks have all found themselves in the news this year. Firstly, Channel 7, well, I’m just letting you all know I’m going to say whatever I want tonight. I stand before you safe in the knowledge that whatever I say, this network will defend me in court.
And with their impeccable record in defamation cases over the last 12 months, I reckon I’ll be fine. Full disclosure – I’m not getting paid by Channel Seven tonight. Instead, for the next 12 months, they’re paying my rent. Which is handy as they’ll know what address to send the Thai masseuse to.
It’s been a tough 12 months for Channel Ten, although they did bring back Deal Or No Deal – a show where contestants get to open a briefcase and try to guess how much money the network is losing each week. When it comes to Channel 9… all good, no notes. Carry on.
Now, for the viewers at home, this room is jam-packed with the biggest stars in Australian television, none bigger than Gold Logie winner and legend of Australian TV, Ray Meagher, who I’d like to point out celebrated his 80th birthday this year, ladies and gentlemen. I love you, mate. Big night for you, Ray, just sitting there nervously, waiting to see if you’re included in the In Memoriam package. Just keep your fluids up, mate, for the next couple of hours.
I’d also like to pay tribute to the first lady of comedy in this country, the star of Mother And Son, the amazing Denise Scott. She’s here tonight. Scotty, you were so funny on that show, you know I love you and I know that the last 12 months have been particularly tough. Having to work with Matt Okine. But good luck.
Tonight we celebrate the best of Australian television and what an outstanding year it’s been. Boy Swallows Universe, a record 10 nominations. Deadloch, The Newsreader, Fisk, Utopia, The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart, Bay Of Fires, Strife and Bluey, what a year it has been everyone.
A big congratulations to Nine Network who’ve just brought us two spectacular weeks of Olympic sport from Paris. And I’d like to acknowledge our youngest-ever gold medallist, 14-year-old skateboarder Arisa Trew. Now, as a reward, her parents promised her a pet duck. Meanwhile, Raygun’s parents have promised to get her breakdancing lessons.
Reality shows continue to thrive. One of the biggest shows sees contestants thrown together, isolated and willingly eating testicles and sometimes anus. That’s right, Married At First Sight continues to go from strength to strength. The Voice is nominated for Best Entertainment Program and they’re changing it up this season. Joining Guy Sebastian are two new superstar coaches – Adam Lambert, who you’d know from Queen, and LeAnn Rimes, who you’d know from Googling, “Who is LeAnn Rimes?”
Hopefully you all saw Hot Potato: The Story of the Wiggles, which is nominated for Best Documentary. An honest, unflinching and no holds barred look into the writing process of such lyrics as “toot toot, chugga, chugga, big red car”, filled with stories and scandal, we learned a lot. We found out how Jeff slept his way to the top and we discovered how The Wiggles broke down barriers by showing the world that not all Asians are hard working and industrious.
Now, in terms of star power, have a listen to these nominees. Bryan Brown, Rachel Griffiths, Hugo Weaving, Guy Pearce, Simon Baker and Sigourney Weaver – all nominated tonight. All nominated in the category, “Oh look, there’s a Hollywood Writes Strike on.” The incredible Sigourney Weaver nominated for The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart. Now, unfortunately, Sigourney is not here tonight. She’s in hospital after running into Peter Costello at the airport.
Now, the big prize of the night is the Gold Logie and you may recall last year the Gold Logie was presented by Australian television royalty Daryl Somers who playfully attempted to auction off the Gold statue to the 7 nominees. Now, we won’t be doing that again this year, simply because last year it started as a live auction but it finished as a silent auction.
But here are the big seven of Australian television this year. The incomparable Asher Keddie. Wonderful in The Lost Flowers Of Alice Hart and Strife Of course, Sonia Kruger, last year’s winner and nominated again this year. Sonia, if you win tonight, we’re all looking forward to your speech. I’m not going to lie, things aren’t great between me and Sonia. Earlier this year I had to get the lawyers involved. Two words for you – “baby Reindeer”. I’m not sure why you’re allowed to sit this close to me, Sonia.
Now, Tony Armstrong, host of three shows on the ABC. If he wins tonight, Tony would become the second person of colour to win Gold. I would like to point out if Robert Irwin wins tonight, he would become the first person in khaki to win Gold. That one was just for me. People are saying, by the way, that if Tony won tonight, it would be a Cinderella story. And it would be. He’s a charming, talented heart-throb who played professional football. Good luck tonight Tony. By the way, this is what an audience looks like.
Julia Morris is nominated again. This funny, talented woman has been nominated several times for the Gold. That’s worded quite nicely. I must remember to use that again next Logies. Andy Lee is nominated for Gold for the first time since 2012! This man truly has everything. Host of The Hundred on Channel 9, best-selling author, podcast host, renovating his dream home, he’s funny, handsome and, cards on the table, he’s a good friend of mine. I was so happy when I saw Andy’s name was on the nominations. But at the same time I was a little bit sad because I knew that Hamish had died.
Larry Emdur is nominated for Gold, and it’s about time! It would be a fitting reward for over 30 years in television. As host of The Chase and The Morning Show, Larry has an incredible connection with hospital waiting rooms and the viewers trapped in nursing homes. They’re your people, Larry! Finally, Robert Irwin is nominated tonight. A win for Robert would be a fitting reward for his long, hard, eight months in the industry. This year, Robert replaced Dr Chris Brown as co-host of I’m A Celebrity. I’d like to point out they’re very different people. For starter’s, Robert tries to save animals.
Now… ..before we get to the first award of the evening, I’d like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank everyone here at the Seven Network for having me back and for making everyone here feel so welcome. Although, I will point out to security that Dr Chris Brown has just climbed that roof there with a rifle.
We’re going to have a fantastic night tonight! Are you ready?!?
