While the entire nation passes the mourning of Luke McLeod’s shot at love, back in Bachelorette land things are just kicking on as normal. As if nothing ever happened. As if you never went on that beach date and had fun surfing. As if Luke never wore all those weird hats from General Pants that 100% didn’t suit him but he did it anyway.
LUKE IS GONE AND HE’S NEVER COMING BACK.
Anyway, Sophie knows the best way to make people forget is by spending some solo yolo time with Apollo Jackson. Apollo is the first person to receive a second single date and this has all the boys on edge. Especially Blake because he’s yet to even get a single date. Maybe it’s because he’s from Perth or maybe it’s his bad attitude – who knows.
Sophie sees Apollo gliding along and it’s clear Luke is a distant memory.
LOL bye Luke
And then, in what seems like a date made in meme-heaven, Sophie tells Apollo they’ll be playing with puppies on their date.
And if you listen closely, you’ll hear ovaries exploding around the country
Apollo and Sophie then do a little DOGA (that’s doggy yoga) and once again I’m led to believe that Network Ten has slashed the date budget.
They seem to be having fun doing the yoga thing and Sophie is obviously attracted to Apollo. Perhaps we should Na-ma-stay tuned to see what happens between these two.
Back at Heartbreak HQ, AJ is desperately trying to cop a high five from Jarrod.
Pls just a quick one.
Oh ok.
We then find out it’s group date time and the guys are going… SAILING. Just when you thought The Bachelorette couldn’t get any whiter.
Anddddddddd back with Apollo and Sophie and he’s talking about the tough life of being a magician. It’s a pretty weird chat TBH because I mostly imagine Apollo at children’s parties doing “pick a card, any card” gear.
“And they never pick a card, it sucks Sophie.”
It seems to do the trick (Apollo knows tricks am I right?) and they have a kiss.
TIME TO GET NAUTICAL
In the least surprising news of all time, financial advisor James reveals he grew up sailing. This will bode well for the big boat day.
Meanwhile Blake decides that rather than concentrate on sailing he might just massage Sophie. Again I’m terrified at how sensible Blake’s decision seems to me – a worrying sign.
Sydney to WOAH-BART
A bunch of other sailing stuff happens. There’s lots of pulling and pushing, something something starboard. At the end of the day both teams won one race each so Sophie can choose time with whoever she wants.
Blake is desperate to get some alone time and prove to Sophie there’s less than meets the eye and she obliges. As the sun sets Blake #opensup about his past and I can’t help but feel he’s not as creepy as he seems. That being said, there’s definitely still a real “would sell you a pyramid scheme” vibe to him. It’s a confusing one. He doesn’t get a kiss and I think Sophie is a bit suss on old m8 Blake.
Obviously a glutton for punishment, Sophie decides to spend her next date with Sam, finally fulfilling the obligations of her double delight rose. While they’re catching up, Sam encourages Sophie to get back into music. WHY SAM WHY, WE’RE FINALLY IN THE CLEAR!
Do we really want more of this?
Sophie reckons Sam is in it to get famous/land a few more thousand Instagram followers and she’s not into it. So she challenges him and he panics, brushes a few errant strands of hair back into his hat and them mumbles some words about being there for the right reasons. It’s a fail. No rose for Sam and it’s back to Bachie HQ.
Sophie is on the way to the cocktail party and Jarrod, sensing her smell, immediately removes his jacket in preparation.
“I took this off hours ago”
Just when you thought you’d NEVER hear about the pot plant again, Jarrod brings it over. It’s sprouting and showing signs of life and WHO CARES MAN.
While Jarrod explains the ins and outs of horticulture to Sophie, Blake and Sam are having a baffling chat about how they’re both the best guys ever and they def deserve to come first and second. There’s lots of hand gesturing and it’s all a bit confusing.
YES
DOUBLE YES
ROSE CEREMONY
It’s time to clean house with producers/Osher declaring that two BachelorBros going home tonight. Apollo is in the clear thanks to his date and things get intense when Sophie gifts roses to Jarrod, James and Stu.
The bottom three, AJ, Sam and Blake….ooh…
Sophie then asks the guys who do have roses to leave the rose ceremony room but we’re not sure why. Maybe she’s going to treat the remaining guys to an acoustic performance of her greatest hit.
Sophie then tells AJ to take a hike and he seems pretty relieved especially given he hasn’t said a word in 4 episodes.
And then there were two… Blake and Sam. Sam and Blake. BLAM. SAKE.
I’ll never forget you
It’s time to go… SAM.
Blake gets the final rose, Sam is sent back to Bondi where he can inevitably make a beeline for Ravesi’s and scream “I WAS ON THE BACHELORETTE” at the top of his lungs.
We’ll miss your hair, Sam.
