Life is full of magic moments that are guaranteed to stay with you forever: falling in love, getting married, your child’s first steps.
Also on that list: the finale of Seven Year Switch.
Over the past what seems like 52 weeks, we have battled through this show hoping that at some point it would all be worth it.
Has it been? No-one can be sure. But one thing that is for certain is that tonight’s the last time we’ll ever see Sarge on TV! That, I can promise.
Saving the best for last, tonight we learn if love is possible outside the crippling confines of reality TV. Will sparks fly? Will Mark cry?
Has Sarge planned a military style coup? All great questions and there’s only one way to find out…
We catch up with all the couples to see how they’ve been going. Mark and Kaitlyn are shopping to replace all the weird man-child stuff he has in the house.
100% buy it, definitely a great call.
Despite buying hilarious pillows together, it’s not all smiles for Mark and Kaitlyn.
He’s still not sure if he can forgive her for sleeping top-to-toe with Michael. Seems like maybe he’ll be waking up awesome alone.
More Importantly: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH SARGE? Last time we checked he didn’t want to be alone with Stacey Louise.
The pair meet up and have a really stilted conversation in the doorway with the kind of dialogue that seems straight outta Home And Away.
Hi nice to see you, how are you? I’m good, how are you, are you also good? Ok, good.
Sarge and Stacey Louise take a seat and Sarge drops a bombshell, “I’ve been planning my future without you,” he says.
Stacey doesn’t seem that surprised and let’s be honest, it’s hardly coming out of left field.
Despite wanting to break up, Sarge still can’t get over the fact Stacey and Johnny shared a bed.
He even uses the opportunity to use his favourite erection analogy: “He was pitching a tent, Stacey, pitching a goddamn tent.”
Sarge says he’ll make his final decision later. Stacey is kind of like, “OK, cool.”
Back at Mark and Kaitlyn’s place, and they’re arguing because Mark says he’s not sure about the future of their relationship.
Kaitlyn tells him to follow his heart, which is kind of like telling a cat to use its wings – It’s anatomically impossible.
Kaitlyn bails on this chat and heads to her room to do what most girls would do in this situation: call their mum and bitch about their hopeless boyfriend.
“He even bought a pillow saying he’s awesome, but he’s not.”
And we’re bacccck with Stacey and Sarge.
Psychologists Jo Lamble and Pete Charleston – where have they been for the past five eps btw? – decide to visit the troublesome couple.
Jo and Peter look pretty relaxed/tanned…Sneaky trip away, guys?
We have definitely not been in Bora Bora.
I’m not really sure what the point is behind this sit down.
Sarge maintains that he’s pretty much done with Stacey Louise, but agrees to “take some time to think”.
Then he leaves and goes back to his hotel, presumably to watch MASH or something.
Suddenly we’re back with Mark and Kaitlyn. We’re told they’re at dinner, but it seems very light in the restaurant.
They argue – AGAIN! – about how Kaitlyn is so fun and carefree. Finally, she takes the opportunity to say what we’re all thinking: “You know you’re punching above your weight.”
Mark responds by tucking into his dinner, so Kaitlyn up and leaves. Go, Gurl!
The Last Supper.
From one dinner to another… Johnny and Tracey head out for a bite to eat.
Johnny is doing his best to impress, but I can’t shake the feeling that Tracey isn’t fully invested.
It’s a different story with Michael and Felicity, though – they’re head over heels in love.
Over lunch they each take responsibility for their shortcomings before hitting the dancefloor. There’s not much of a vibe on the DF, but it’s very sweet.
“Shhhh, everyone’s watching…”
HERE WE GO…
Trace and Johnny: After a little bit of back and forth, these two cuties decide that life is better together and they’re going to give their love another chance.
Hooray! Despite some ups and downs, I’ve developed a fondness for Trace and Johnny.
They’re a bit bogan, but a bit cute. Well done, guys.
Johnny and Tracey are giving it another go.
Mark and Kaitlyn: Kaitlyn tells Mark that she has learnt she doesn’t need to “tone down her personality”. Mark looks scared.
All this talk of emotions must be his worst nightmare. Mark eventually says he wants to remain together.
Kaitlyn, this is your SHOT – leave! Unfortunately, she does the predictable thing and stays. Boo.
But then we find out that three months after filming Kaitlyn moved out and they’re “working through their issues”.
Will Mark and Kaitlyn’s issues prove to be too much?
Felicity and Michael: In the least surprising news of the season, Felicity and Michael decide to stay together.
They admit there have been some issues since their reunion, but they now know how to work it out as adults. Go team!
Couple Michael and Felicity are making it work.
Last but not least…
Sarge and Stacey Louise: As soon as they sit down, Sarge tells Stacey Louise that love isn’t enough.
This is in stark contrast to the 1967 Beatles hit, “All You Need Is Love.”
Stacey Louise says it IS enough.
Sarge disagrees (again) and despite agreeing to give it another chance initially, we learn that three months after filming they split up. #SadSarge
Say goodbye to Sarge everyone.
Well, that’s it guys.
Enjoy finding other ways to kill time every Monday/Tuesday… until the next season.
