There has been so much drama in this season of Seven Year Switch I’m not sure how much more emotion I can handle. And yet, when told tonight’s episode was the infamous “dinner date” I could barely contain my excitement.
Would Sarge bust out some sort of camo formal wear? How long before Mark excuses himself from the table to cry in the bathroom? And finally, will Kaitlyn bring her vibrator to dinner as a conversation starter? Only one way to find out.
Before dinner we’re told that Sarge is now convinced Stacey Louise and Johnny are having sex. He explains his thoughts to Trace over some ice water feat. lemons.
Not only am I parched, but I’m positive they’re cheating on us. Thirsty?
After this brief Sarge interlude it’s time for dinner. We’re treated to the boys dinner first and Mark is typically nervous, this will be a long night for him.
I’ll skip entree, thanks.
Over at #GirlsNight, the ladies are sitting down for their own dinner. Kaitlyn and Stacey Louise are first to arrive and they have a solid five minute chat about whether or not Stacey Louise has a hyphen in her name. It’s gripping stuff.
Stacey has a hyphen headache.
Felicity is next to arrive. It’s the first time she’s seen Kaitlyn since verbally destroying her on national TV. It takes about 30 seconds for the bed issue to come up again.
Felicity and Tracey (both non-bed sharers) take on Kaitlyn and Stacey Louise. Felicity is basically bed shaming everyone and then she drops this classic line: “Our kids will see what you’ve done one day.”
Not one to be bullied for her lack of offspring, Stacey Louise counters with, “You’re the one that chose to come on this show.” YES GURL.
CALL ME SLAY-CEY LOUISE.
Time to head back to Testosterone HQ with the lads. Sarge explains he isn’t cool with Johnny ‘pitching a tent’ while his girlfriend is in the bed. He repeats the phrase about ten times and I can never go camping again. You could say it’s Getting In-Tents.
The argument ends with Sarge declaring that “most men can’t keep it in their pants” which is both offensive to most men and an interesting insight into the type of friends Sarge keeps. Mark goes to pipe up but everyone groans and suddenly we’re at an ad break. Sorry, Mark.
Back with the laydeeeez and Kaitlyn decides to take the heat off Stacey Louise by talking about how weird Mark is. Finally, a subject we can all get involved in. She brings up the irony in the fact that he’s upset she’s sharing a bed yet he’s always pushing for threesomes with their friends. I gotta say, Kaitlyn is killing it tonight.
Then she ruins it by saying, “His first couple girlfriends were ugly and fat.”
Speaking of Mark, he and Michael are having another feisty chat. Michael starts alluding to Mark’s fondness for (potential) threesomes and you can just see the panic set in. Mark is begging Michael with his eyes not to bring it up. Obv, Michael brings it up.
Hello darkness my old friend.
Looking to lighten the mood, Sarge returns to his favourite subject. How much he hates the G String that Stacey Louise bought as a ‘surprise’ for him. Honestly I can’t believe we’re still talking about it.
I want a PRESENT.
And baaaaaack with the girls. Trace wants to know if Stacey Louise told Johnny about the whole “tell him I love him, actually nah, don’t tell him” situation. Stacey confirms she did in fact tell Johnny. While the dust settles on this bombshell, Kaitlyn tells Felicity about Michael tossing her engagement ring into the ocean.
Felicity uses this opportunity to remind us she has kids. We know, that’s great, but you can’t use it as an excuse for being a massive punish.
“As a mum…”
The hate between Felicity and Kaitlyn is so real. As we come to the end of another cracking Seven Year Switch episode you can’t help but feel there’s another chapter to be written in their fiery feud…
