In case you’ve missed every single promo for My Kitchen Rules in the past month, Josh is basically the most evil man on Australian TV.
Sorry Anthony from MAFS, but until you use a highly offensive term at a dinner party then you’re simply stuck in second place.
The self-confessed “seafood king” Josh has managed to offend everyone on MKR.
Even his wife, Amy, seems a bit done and dusted with Josh’s schtick.
Every time he makes some snide comment and flashes his toothy grin she grimaces and you can tell she’s thinking about the guy she was with before Josh.
“Whatever happened to [insert ex-boyfriends name],” she whispers to herself silently as Josh tells everyone how juicy his scallops are.
Anyway we’re back to Broome tonight for the final round of ultimate instant restaurants – whatever that means. Whoever has the lowest score after tonight will be sent home.
Josh and Amy are doing a lot of seafood on their menu and they duck off to the shops. Amy takes the chance to use her convenient Coles app – definitely out of her own choosing – and not out of any kind of #ContractualObligation.
“Let me just download, I mean USE this Coles App. Like I always do.”
After getting all their necessary produce, it’s back home to set up their restaurant. They’ve called it “Longshore Drift,” so they can represent their beachy background.
I would’ve gone with “Stuck In A Rip” to represent how Amy feels.
They start their prep and Josh has crabs. I mean, Josh is in charge of the blue swimmer crab.
He’s pouring a lot of wine into the marinade and Amy looks concerned. Presumably she was saving that for later.
Josh then uses all the coriander despite Amy telling him not to. I feel like this will be a problem later on.
We’re getting lots of dramatic cutaway shots to the coriander which is always a red flag. Watch this space guys.
The guests arrive and they all talk about how far away Broome is.
“This is nowhere near Brunswick,” cries Courtney.
Talks turns to nerves with Ros and Karen on the bottom of the leader board. Bar a major kitchen meltdown from Josh and Amy, it could be the end for the midwives.
At the same time everyone agrees a meltdown is very possible. Pete and Manu arrive and we’re treated to a bizarre yet brief slo-mo sequence of their arrival.
It’s very odd. The look like they’re about to host a new renovation show helping rural people turn their lives around.
Meet the hosts of Broome for Improvement.
Josh talks us through the menu and then tells the table he wants to score 86 and everyone agrees he absolutely won’t get that score.
There’s some conjecture over one dish – The Cook Sisters Meet Don Pedro. No one knows what that is but Karen and Ros speculate that it may refer to a threesome. SEND EVERYONE ELSE HOME THEY WIN.
“We’re crazier than you’ll ever be.”
Amy and Josh head into the kitchen and it takes around five seconds for Josh to get annoying.
“The chowder is too lumpy,” he screams at no one in particular. Amy busies herself with anything else in order to avoid eye contact.
Back at the table people are really struggling to acclimatise to the crippling heat in Broome. I mean it’s almost as if these people have never sat at a table, under production lights, for seven hours, waiting for food to be cooked.
Footy friends featuring fans.
As Josh and Amy plate their entrée he threatens her with divorce – how charming – then he compliments Amy’s great entrée and calls her babe. So many mixed messages.
There are no mixed messages from Pete and Manu though. Both entrees are poorly received – Manu calls Josh out on whether or not he really is the seafood king.
To be fair it’s the question on everyone’s lips. Josh says he doesn’t care what anyone thinks and slinks back to the kitchen.
Seems legit.
Back in the kitchen, guess what? Amy CAN’T FIND ANY CORIANDER – WHAT DID I TELL YOU!
Man I’m good. I knew this plot point was coming. You can’t trick a trickster. Josh doesn’t seem too phased, Amy is totally over it.
They serve up the mains and Josh owns up to his coriander catastrophe – you can almost hear the points coming off them.
Pete isn’t impressed by the pork belly but it’s Manu who really comes into his own when he takes Josh to town over the crab.
“If you were sitting here tonight you would take this apart.” Harsh but fair and that’s why I love you, Manu.
This whole ordeal kicks off a pretty intense moment between Josh and Amy – they go outside to gather their bearings. After a quick chat they decide to push on and just get dessert done.
Amy says what we’re all thinking.
Dessert is served and at this point the only way is up, surely. Pete and Manu try their respective desserts and…well it’s a disaster.
The rest of the evening is clearly just a formality; everyone knows that the seafood king and queen are about the hit rock bottom.
In the least surprising news of 2017, Josh and Amy are sent packing with a total score of 31.
THNKS FOR THE MMRZ.
