We’re back again and there’s no messing around this time as Matty invites Cobie for a bit of horseplay. Matty looks out wistfully – in the pouring rain – and reveals that he used to go to pony club. He doesn’t smile at all, even though I think this story is hilarious.
Anyway blah blah blah he bangs on about horses for a bit and then explains they’ll be going for a ride. Shame for Cobie that she doesn’t get to go on a boat but you win some you lose some. Matty comes trotting in looking every inch the Eastern Suburbs polo player.
Hey Matty You’re So Fine, You’re So Fine On That Equine, Hey Matty.
Cobie admits she’s never been on a horse ride and Matty seems annoyed. This will NOT go down well at Pony Club.
To make matters worse/more awkward/hilarious, the horse decides that now is the best time to go to the toilet and proceeds to pee for a super long time. It’s amazing and we see that the horse is packing some serious heat. Matty feels emasculated.
“I never normally do this on a first date.” – Horse.
Cobie isn’t having much fun on the horse and to be fair, it’s probably a bad idea for a first date. Why not just go to dinner? Oh because it’s The Bachelor and every date must involve animals/boats/Osher.
Once the tame trot is over they decide to wash the horses, which is the perfect platform for a water fight! Woooooo! Never mind the fact it looks freezing and Matty is wearing a Drizabone. It’s not very sexy and even the horse looks uncomfortable.
“There’s no chemistry guys.” – Horse
Matty and Cobie retreat to somewhere inside to sit and chat. It seems there’s no aphrodisiac like hypothermia as the pair edge closer. Cobie has written a poem for Matty (RED FLAG) and now she wants to read it (RED FLAG) because it’s the best way to express how she’s feeling (REDDEST OF FLAGS).
“It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up Magazine…”
Post poem there’s some serious vibes. We see a spot of hand holding and some slow stroking. It’s going to happen, the music is getting louder, I can feel it….Cobie gets a rose.
Cobie then asks for a kiss and Matty – never one to let a lady down – obliges. That’s kiss number TWO for the series ladies and gents.
Back at Heartbreak HQ the ladies are slowly starting to lose the plot, to keep them from going postal the producers organise a group date.
It’s a Bachelor Board Game!
Cobie wins another chance to kiss Matty during the game but bails because she’s genuinely scared what Leah will do. She opts to NOT kiss him… ooooh controversial.
There’s a lot going on but I miss most of it because I can’t stop staring at THIS moment.
The eyes have it.
Series villain Jen cops a cream pie to the pace and she valiantly tries to make it as sexy as possible.
Things live forever on the internet, Jen.
Eventually Michelle wins the game which is cool because COPS ARE TOPS. Side note – Elora was missing from this game, weird.
Onto the cocktail party and Florence decides to up her game and take Matty away for a little game. It’s meant to be a lesson in how to speak Dutch but it’s looking very much like the set of an adult video.
“Welcome to Dutch Detention.”
Simone sneaks some one on one time with Matty but is interrupted by Cobie. It’s a bold move considering she ALREADY has a rose and it doesn’t take long for the girls to turn on her.
This leads to a solid 10-15 minute discussion about whether or not Cobie is in fact the devil. Leah and Jen are convinced she’s evil to the core, while Laura and Tara think perhaps they’re blowing things out of proportion. All this goes on for far too long and it’s a clear signal that things are TENSE.
Time for Matty to do what he does best – break hearts and hand out flowers. He makes his way through the bevy of women until only two remain. Belinda and Elyse.
And it’s curtains for….Belinda.
To be fair we barely knew ye Belinda and when Matty says goodbye you can almost hear him struggling to remember her name.
Goodbye…Bianca?
Honestly, based on the series so far I reckon you’ve dodged a bullet Belinda, sweet dreams.
