No matter how much you read and how many classes you attend, nothing can prepare you for the birth of your first child. Zoe Arnold offers some wise words for the world’s most famous mother-to-be Kate.
Dearest Duchess,
It’s probably not decorous for one of your subjects to be offering advice, but I thought I’d write a few lines to you as you wait for your little Royal Sproglet to arrive.
Some tips, from one Mum to another:
1. Puuuuuuush!
There’s no sugar coating it … labour is just that: hard, hard work. How to survive it? Do whatever you want. If you want to go drug-free, good for you. If you want every painkiller in the Commonwealth, I’m sure they’ll be available. Don’t worry about being patient with Wills, it’s highly likely he won’t be able to say the right thing, and you need to focus on you and the heir.
2. Be ugly.
You always look so immaculate, like a perfectly polished English rose. Aside from your obligatory photo in front of oh, a million cameras from around the world … go home, slip on your trackies and just stop caring. We all know you’ll look fab in no time at all: take this time for the baby, and forget about keeping up appearances.
3. Breast is best …
… but bloody hard work! If you’re going down this path, be prepared for it to be a challenge. For many Mums, getting their baby to suckle is like taming a beast: I’m talking cracked and leaky nipples, enormous boobs, and random milk flow. It can take a couple of months for your supply to be regular — so be patient, and make sure Wills, Pippa and your Ma are supporting your choice.
4. Waaaaah!
Get someone to show you how to swaddle the Royal Infant correctly. It’s a must. And be prepared to let HRH scream. The order of events should be something like this: boob, burp, bed. Sounds simple? It will be one day …
5. Have a cry.
Like the billions of women who have birthed before you, your hormones are going to be totally freaking crazy. Simple gestures, like the delivery of flowers to your door, will set you off. It’s okay, and the emotions will stop being so overwhelming. And if they don’t, make sure you talk to someone about it.
6. Relevance deprivation.
We love you Kate. Your hair, your smile, your perfect wardrobe … you have a million best friends-in-waiting the world over. But, you’re about to become #2. Be prepared to feel a little less important. You’re pushing out the third in line to the throne, and soon everyone is only going to ask you about the baby. It’s nice that people care … but sometimes you’ll want to remind people that you’re a person beyond the young Prince/ss.
7. Soak it in.
In 2009, I was exactly as you are now: overdue and eagerly awaiting the birth of my first child. My little Princess is turning 4 this weekend. Incidentally, she’d be tickled pink to share her birthday with your wee bairn, and meantime I am stunned that she is graduating from toddler-hood and becoming a proper little girl. Time flies, no doubt especially when you’re running the monarchy. Soak it in, Duchess, and enjoy the ride! Regards,
Your Loyal Subject etc.
Zoe Arnold.
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