Most of us treasure the memory of our first love — the butterflies in our stomach, the tender first kisses and the daydreams you share about the wonderful things that lie ahead of you. But psychologists have warned that while reunions sometimes have happy endings, they can also wreak havoc on lives and relationships because they unleash unexpectedly powerful emotions.
Thanks to social networking and websites such as Facebook and Friends Reunited, it is now easier to reconnect with former loves.
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This month, The Weekly meets couples who are now married after being torn apart as teenagers and reuniting online.
But away from the success stories, beware as there are some hidden hazards.
The risks of going back to an ex
Psychologist Nancy Kalish of California State University has studied 2000 “lost love” relationships over the past 15 years. Lost loves, she says, are defined as those who were separated from their loved one midway through a happy relationship when they were young.
“A lost love is someone with whom you did not get closure, or something was not explained to you,” Dr Kalish tells The Weekly.
“They’re left wondering what might have been, could have been, should have been.”
Often the relationships are forcibly broken up by family members who disapprove.
“I was talking to someone today who went out with a young woman for four years in high school, was about to get engaged to her, and, out of the blue, her sister sent him a note saying his girlfriend never wanted to see him again,” says Dr Kalish.
“For 40 years he wondered why. When he finally talked to her, he found out that her sister told her that he’d broken up with her. It’s tragic.”
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Devastating consequences
Dr Kalish has found that reunion can have devastating consequences for people who are in relationships when they reconnect with their lost love.
“Someone goes onto Facebook, they say hi, they start chatting,” she says. “People who have happy marriages aren’t thinking of a reunion. But the feelings come back. If they talk on the phone it becomes more compelling, then it becomes secret. There’s all that anxiety mixed in, it becomes exciting.”
See this month’s Women’s Weekly for more details on the joys and pitfalls of reuniting with a lost love.
Your say: Have you ever contacted a lost love? Would you be upset if your partner did? Share your thoughts with us below.
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