Thousands of Australian men and women are turning to professional matchmakers to find love. Jordan Baker talks to some of these real-life Cupids about the man-drought myth, why some dates don’t work and how they make love happen.
Playing Cupid is a tricky business, as Mary Mitchell can attest. A client sued the Irish matchmaker for “negligence, breach of duty and fraudulent misrepresentation” after she failed to find love, complaining one man was too shy, the second was too rude and a third too desperate — while a fourth attempted to kiss her in a public car park.
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The client lost after a judge found the men were “within her range of compatibility”, but that was enough to prompt Mary to quit matchmaking for the less thorny ground of speed-dating.
As Mary’s experience shows, those in the business of creating love carry a heavy responsibility. They are the custodians of our most private hopes, fears and confidences. They battle bad manners, halitosis and frumpy outfits. And, in perhaps their greatest challenge, they grapple with the increasingly lofty expectations of modern singles, who, they say, feel entitled to meet someone tall, dark, handsome and rich, even if they are short, pale, homely and poor.
Playing Cupid might be frustrating and rewarding, but all agree it is not to be taken lightly.
The art of matchmaking is as old as man’s inability to find a suitable mate. The popularity of online dating was predicted to spell its end, but in fact the opposite has happened. While dating websites have taken the stigma out of looking for love, they have also proved time-consuming, risky and unreliable. Those burned by the experience are turning to a more tailored service, in which they can trust their hearts to a matchmaker with a proven knack for these things.
“Matchmakers have a skill that sometimes you don’t have because you are too close,” says long-time matchmaker Michelle Lewis, who now runs J-Junction, a not-for-profit introduction agency for the Jewish community.
In Australia, there are more than 300 introduction agencies listed in the White Pages, matching everyone from Christians to seniors. Anyone can bring people together, but there’s a skill to doing it well.
“It’s just an instinct,” says Trudie Gilbert, who owns Elite Introductions. “You look at what they’re saying, what they’re not saying, their body language. We look at energy levels, hobbies — what drives them? For a lot of people, it’s growing and learning, they love challenges.”
There are agencies for every walk of life. Blonde, glamorous Tracey Langdon began her Gold Coast agency, The Millionaires Club, when she noticed how many of her wealthy friends were single. She only accepts people with a “net worth” of $5 million or more (although she is about to drop that to $1 million).
Her clients go on lavish dates. “We’ll fly girls up to Hamilton Island and go boating for the weekend,” she says. “The overall glamour of the company attracts them.”
Even for the super wealthy, finding love can be tough. “Millionaires get disappointed, like everyone else in life,” says Tracey, who has dated wealthy men herself. They face added dangers, whether it is being targeted for their money or judged because they earned their fortune in mining and don’t fit the stereotype of a martini-sipping mogul.
“Non-millionaires have an expectation of what a millionaire is like that is unrealistic,” she says. “They think they should all be sophisticated. Millionaires are normal, everyday guys — they’ve just got a lot of money.”
Trudie Gilbert’s Elite Introductions is slightly more inclusive — it accepts professionals or business owners. “[My clients are] very much at the top of their game,” says Trudie, who “just fell into” matchmaking. “They’re highly eligible and they have trouble meeting someone else who is also eligible.”
Sixty-three per cent of her members end up in a relationship, she says, and the vast majority go on second dates. She is responsible for eight weddings and a baby in the past six years.
Yet, she says, a matchmaker is only so powerful — they can lead a horse to water, or, in this case, to dinner, but they can’t make it drink.
“In a lot of ways, success is really due to the person,” she says. “My responsibility is to put people in front of them. They have to get into a relationship.”
Opinions differ about whether the supply of men, across age groups, is a problem. Trudie says the “man drought” is a myth and there are plenty of men for the women on her books. “I think it’s a conspiracy by men to make themselves feel like they are more of an exclusive product.”
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The good news in all this is that there is an army of people ready, willing and committed to helping Australians of all ages, postcodes and bank balances diagnose their dating problems and find love.
There’s a matchmaker — and hopefully a match — for everyone. “I believe in the system,” says Michelle. “I believe that someone who is a matchmaker, who has the right attitude about what they’re doing, can make a huge difference.”
Read more of this story in the May issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.
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