It’s been more than 10 years since actress Tammin Sursok, 31, left her role as Dani Sutherland on Home and Away and took the familiar route to Hollywood where she forged a successful career in film and television. Along the way she married long-time partner, American writer and producer Sean McEwen, and a year ago took on her biggest role yet, as mum to daughter Phoenix, now 15 months. The family, who are based in LA, recently returned to Australia for a holiday.
Being pregnant with Phoenix was one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. I loved pregnancy – it was so sensual and I felt attractive and more alive throughout it.
I gained quite a lot of weight – she was a four-and-a-half kilo baby – but luckily I wasn’t too sleep deprived or uncomfortable towards the end.
I filmed Pretty Little Liars [the American teen drama/thriller series] when I was pregnant and the crew were able to shoot around it. At about seven months pregnant I stopped working, because I wanted to spend time with my growing baby and to be relaxed. Fortunately I did, as Phoenix arrived early, and I’m so glad I was able to have that time off before I gave birth.
Becoming a parent is a big adjustment and identity shift. I don’t think it comes straightaway to everyone, or as naturally as people may think. It took my husband Sean and I about six months to really get into the hang of it. Now, it feels like second nature to us. Phoenix is part of our work life, our future and the bigger picture.
ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
Phoenix is a good sleeper now, but she wasn’t in the early days. In fact, for six months straight she would wake up every 45 minutes. That time was so exhausting.
It’s so easy to feel down and extremely isolated after having a baby, especially if you’re suffering from horrific sleep deprivation. And it’s not like being tired after a night out; it’s more like chronic exhaustion. You feel so lonely and can’t see an end, but now I’m out of it I know the baby will eventually sleep. You just have to hang in there.
We don’t have any family in the States so, in the early stages, I was so desperate for information and support. Having a new baby was daunting. But I made friends with mums who had children the same age as Phoenix and we started holding our own playgroups.
Meeting others in the same situation brings a sense of camaraderie through parenting. And in the beginning that was really important for us as first-time parents.
I’ve met some wonderful mums who really support each other. We have a glass of wine and talk about the crazy, challenging and amazing things that have happened – it’s great to be able to connect with someone other than your partner on that level.
THE BALANCING ACT
Hollywood is such a tough business – you can buy into it or not, be best friends with it or not. You have to be really resilient. It can be all-consuming and you need to have a thick skin to look out for yourself and your future. For us, the movie business is just a job – going to photoshoots or premieres or signings is just work for us.
Phoenix has to live a transient life and be a bit of a wanderer with us. Sometimes I work three months in Canada and she comes with us. She’s been adaptable from a very young age and I think that will be good for her in the future.
Sean and I go to a lot of effort to always travel together and support each other as much as possible. When I’m filming, he will take her and when he’s writing a script or producing a movie, I’ll be with her. It’s so important to us that we are together as a little family unit.
ALL WORTH IT
From the first second I looked at my daughter, I felt like I’d known her face my whole life. It’s a love that’s deeper than anything I’d ever felt and I didn’t think it was possible to experience. I can’t really explain it – it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. As a new mum, in the beginning you’re just trying to survive. You are so in love with this amazing being and you are feeling so many emotions. Throw intense sleep deprivation on top of that and it’s very challenging, but it’s so worth it, because now, when Phoenix hugs me it’s like nothing else matters. There is nothing better.
