Meet single girl Lisa. She’s single, she’s a girl, her name is Lisa and she’s looking for love at first kiss. It’s simple.
Lisa is joined by her sister Tanya and best friend Jasmine. They’re with Lisa on her journey to find the “man of her dreams” by pashing 12 strangers while blindfolded – though they have no official say in which lucky man she chooses to kiss, bang and eventually love. It’s beginning to get complicated.
To no one’s surprise, Lisa enjoys long walks on the beach.
Tanya begins by explaining that her sister Lisa will “literally give someone the shirt off her back if it means making someone happy”. Effectively establishing that not only is Lisa comfortable with locking lips with 12 strangers, she’s also fine with taking her clothes off for them. A promising start indeed.
While Lisa awaits her 12 suitors in a studio, Tanya and Jasmine prepare to watch events unfold in a separate room via a monitor, which Tanya describes as “the best job in the world”.
Lisa is nervous. Tanya and Jasmine can both see that Lisa is nervous. And thus, the first rule of the Kiss Bang Love drinking game becomes clear: take a shot when anyone says nervous.
Guys, Lisa is really nervous.
And so we begin.
Tanya and Jasmine are already on the champers, while a nervous Lisa (is she nervous? I don’t know, she does look nervous, so nervous) receives the final touches to her make-up – a strangely excessive amount considering both the kissee and kisser will be blindfolded throughout this round of the experiment.
Enter kiss one: Josh, 25, is a fire fighter who likes to surf. Complete with his perfect hair and body, it seems we’ve just hit JACKPOT. Thank you very much. Our work here is done. Well done Josh. Everybody can go home now. That was all very easy, thank you and goodbye. We wish.
The pashing begins. Josh is a bit slurpy, but gets a solid 8 out of 10 from Lisa. Not bad for round one.
Josh and Lisa get their slurp on.
Next up is Jaxon, a self-described “new age guy” who loves magic and would describe his level of proficiency as “first year at Hogwarts”. Now would be a great time to remind Jaxon that Lisa is looking for “the man of her dreams” not a pre-pubescent wizard.
Jaxon, just put the cards away mate
But lo and behold, Jaxon works some magic and has Lisa hoping that “he looks as good as he kisses”.
It’s also right about now that the reality of Tanya’s position of perving on her sister making out with strangers sinks in, as she admits, “I actually really feel like I’m invading their privacy.” Mmmm, don’t we all?
A brief montage of obviously boring kisses is followed by the most cringe-worthy face eating of the night by 23-year-old “I’ve never had a girlfriend” Jake.
Seriously Jake?!
Thankfully, 29-year-old Joel comes to the rescue scoring a whopping nine out of 10 sweaty palms from Lisa.
Now comes the twist. Tanya and Jasmine have planted Lisa’s hot tradie plumber Ryan (going by the name of “David” for the blind round) into the mix. Turns out he’s a biter. And Lisa is impressed. We’re learning more about Lisa.
Meet Ryan and his guns.
Travis, 34, rounds out the 12, earning high praise from Lisa who believes she saved “the most passionate for last”.
Lisa whittles down her top five from those first 12 pashes and the blindfolds come off! After a second round of kissing, two lucky guys will be chosen for an overnight date.
Some awkward flirting, serious pash rash and five packets of Eclipse mints later, it’s down to Jaxon the sparky/wizard and “David” who is actually Ryan, Lisa’s hot plumber. Stay with us.
Jaxon and Lisa spend their date at a winery playing games like archery, and bubble soccer without the ball (that bubble soccer episode of The Bachelormust have rated really highly).
We like Jaxon, until he whips out a guitar after dinner and murders Ronan Keating’s When You Say Nothing At All, though he does get bonus points for not actually singing and refraining from doing any card tricks at the table.
At least he didn’t play Wonderwall.
For those still keen on the drinking game, you can add the word “great” to the list, because Jaxon is a great guy. And they both had a great day. Like, such a great day. Because they are both great people. So great.
Just really, really, great.
And now, we get to the BANG part. As Tanya, Jasmine and Lisa regroup the next day, Lisa admits that her and Jaxon shared a bed shocked face emoji. But did they bang?! Lisa says she won’t kiss and tell, but she already kind of did tell…
Next up it’s Ryan’s turn. The two take a cocktail class where Ryan demonstrates a lack of hand-eye coordination, followed by seriously poor dexterity with the chopsticks at their Teppanyaki dinner… Lisa can only hope he’s better with his hands in other areas.
Just ask for a fork buddy.
Despite the fact that Ryan is obviously NERVOUS, they do seem to share a genuine chemistry and it’s likely they’ll hit it off with another bang.
Having tried and tested both Jaxon and Ryan, Lisa must now decide who to take with her on a romantic holiday. After an excruciatingly awkward airport dumping, Jaxon gets the boot and Ryan gets a week away with Lisa in Noosa.
So is it love at first kiss? Well, the pair are reportedly still dating so… 10 out of 10 sweaty palms to them both.
Next week on Kiss Bang Love, Chelsea is looking for the man of her dreams after breaking up with her high school sweetheart of six years. But will she be as lucky as Lisa? For now, let’s just hope she manages to avoid a Jake situation…
This story originally appeared on TV Week.
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