Given the eclectic bunch that we are, it’s not often that a single TV show will become the subject of water-cooler chat here at The Weekly, but Celebrity Apprentice is that rare beast.
As the last remaining contestants square-up for the grand final showdown tonight, I’ve been charged with the responsibility of assessing the form of the field and indulging in a bit of crystal-ball gazing to predict who among the celebrity apprentices is going to emerge victorious.
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JASON COLEMAN — 25/1
So let’s start with the runner with the longest odds. Jason, God bless him, must surely be the least favourite to win tonight.
Despite what can only be described as unwavering self-belief (he’s staged 464 shows this year AND has only recently gotten back from Moscow, don’t you know?), Jason has become the celebrity contestant we all love to dislike.
The mealy-mouthed pandering to “Mr Bouris”, the complete lack of self-awareness, the persistent use of words he clearly doesn’t know the meaning of — it all boils down to a reality TV show contestant who exists to annoy us.
Be under no illusion, gentle viewers: the only reason Jason is still in the competition is because we love to tune in and rail against him. To squirm every time he opens his mouth and hurl objects at the telly every time he appears on the screen.
From the producers’ point of view, he is reality TV manna from heaven. A winner, though, he ain’t.
SHANE CRAWFORD — 10/1
Look, there’s little not to like about Shane. He’s been so damned likeable in the series that he almost disappears into the background.
He’s the series’ wallflower. Pleasant enough, inoffensive enough, but not exactly charismatic winner material.
Unless he pulls it out of the bag tonight and makes a late dash for the finish line, or, unless he continues to skate calmly along in the background while his more vocal, showy opponents trip over one another allowing him to step over them and slide to victory (a la Aussie speed skater and accidental Olympic medallist, Steven Bradbury), I can’t see it happening. But I could be wrong. Never underestimate the power of nice.
JESINTA CAMPBELL — 5/1
On the subject of nice, the former beauty queen has developed quite the following thanks to her consistently pleasant performance in this dog-eat-dog competition (just ask Didier…).
Deni’s attempts to undermine Jesinta during last week’s challenges only upped the public’s sympathy ante for the fresh-faced ingénue whose challenge throughout has been to shuck off the airhead beauty queen tag and prove she has more to offer than a great silhouette in a bikini and a plan for world peace.
It’s hard to dislike Jesinta, whose dedication to the cause has been absolute, whose enthusiasm has been unrivalled and whose big brown eyes just get you every time. Or is that just me?
That said, I wonder if she has the gravitas required to carry home the trophy?
JULIA MORRIS — 4/1
Which brings us neatly, and inevitably, to the last woman standing — the effortlessly wonderful Ms Julia Morris.
Why do I think J.Mo deserves to walk away the winner? Because she alone among the celebrities has brought a practical, mother-of-two sensibility to proceedings.
If the object of the program was to show the true colours of this handful of celebs, Julia has come out as the most likeable. Not least because she alone among the grab-bag of famous faces has consistently been able to step back from the madness and laugh at it for the silliness it all represents.
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In what must surely rank as one of the most understated performances in the history of celebrity reality TV (and here we must doff our caps to the camera operators and editors who masterfully capture every one of her raised eyebrows) Julia has managed to walk that fine line between taking the competition deadly seriously, but not taking herself at all seriously. And for this reason alone, she deserves to take out the gong.
Your say: Who do you think should win tonight’s Celebrity Apprentice Final, and why?
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