Beyoncé has spoken for the first time about her heartbreaking miscarriage in her upcoming documentary for HBO,Like a Dream.
“About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time,” the notoriously private singer revealed. “And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life.”
“I picked out names … I envisioned what my child would look like … I was feeling very maternal.”
Tragically, Beyoncé miscarried just days later.
“I flew back to New York to get my check up — and no heartbeat,” she said.
“Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat.”
Understandably devastated, she turned to her music to help her deal with her grief.
“I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I’ve ever written in my life,” she said.
“And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album. And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through.”
The famous singer has never publicly talked about her loss before now, though equally famous husband Jay-Z referenced it in his song ‘Glory’.
Though the song is a tribute to the couple’s daughter Blue Ivy, Jay-Z speaks of Beyoncé’s first pregnancy, rapping, “Last time the miscarriage was so tragic, we was afraid you’d disappear, but nah, baby, you magic”.
Beyoncé also spoke about the joy of being pregnant in the candid interview.
“Being pregnant was very much like falling in love,” she said. “You are so open. You are so overjoyed.”
“There’s no words that can express having a baby growing inside of you, so of course you want to scream it out and tell everyone.”
Though she admits she was “scared to death” of birth, Beyoncé says it ended up being akin to a religious experience.
“It’s the most powerful thing you can ever do in your life,” she said. “It was amazing … I felt like God was giving me a chance to assist in a miracle … You’re playing a part in a much bigger show.”
