Catching up with a friend in an inner-Sydney café, Kay Schubach was overwhelmed with the presence of a handsome, muscled man as he walked in the door.
“I could tell this man was listening to our conversation, he didn’t really try to hide the fact … he had this intensity and power about him,” she says.
What Kay couldn’t predict was how quickly and devastatingly this man would tear her world apart.
“I was in a serious, long-term relationship at the time and against my better judgement I took the man’s business card as he left the café that afternoon,” she explains.
The man who gave Kay a card was Simon Lowe, who is now serving a maximum 12-year prison sentence for the rape of another woman caught in his net of deceit.
“I am still shocked at the speed in which I made such a terrible mistake,” Kay says during her lunch break from managing a popular art gallery in trendy Surry Hills.
“In eight short weeks Simon made me leave my partner, lose my job, fall pregnant … all while subjecting me to his violent temper which left me with emotionally and physically shattered.”
A decade on from her harrowing experience, Kay Schubach still can’t believe she was the victim of domestic violence.
“I was desperate for a baby, and within hours of meeting Simon for the first time he promised me we would have a child together,” she says.
“I can’t explain why I fell for him, except to say he was a tremendous force who tapped into what I wanted … this deep maternal hunger. And he swept me off my feet.”
Simon found out Kay’s surname and starting calling her constantly at the Potts Point apartment she shared with her then partner.
“He harassed my then partner, stalked me at work, all the while he was wooing me incessantly,” Kay says in disbelief.
“I moved out of my flat, ostensibly to move somewhere alone … but Simon convinced me his name should be on the lease at the last minute. In my mind my dreams were coming true, but his behaviour was unravelling at the same time.”
Before moving into their new home together, Simon flew into a jealous rage in the bedsit he was renting – literally throwing a naked Kay out the door.
“I tried to cover myself up as best I could, and sat next to our door until a passer-by asked me if I was alright – at that point Simon threw open the door and hurled me inside again.”
Simon began to accuse Kay of flirting with his male friends, and his temper increasingly became worse.
“He kept saying it was my fault, that I had caused it, that I had laughed too much and flirted with his friends,” she says. “I kept excusing his bad behaviour and was examining myself to fix what I had done wrong.”
When she met Simon, Kay was a successful financial manager with a number of celebrity clients on her books.
“I loved my work, but Simon took over that too,” she says. “He would call me incessantly while I was in the office, and he started hanging around outside the building which irked my manager.
“At the same time, I suspected I was pregnant – we must have conceived the first or second time we slept together – and I was suffering horrendous morning sickness.”
Kay was exhausted, but elated with the news that she would finally have a baby.
“I thought Simon’s treatment of me would change because he was waxing lyrical about having a family, I thought we could realise our dreams of having children,” she says. “But if anything it became more violent and aggressive.”
Kay applied for an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) against Simon, detailing his mental and physical abuse to officers at her local police station. It was then she realised she would be forced to face Simon in court as part of the AVO process.
“I couldn’t do it. His behaviour was so erratic, shifting from violence to remorse in minutes, and it left me literally and figuratively battered. Facing him in court was more than I could handle – and I impressed on the police that they needed to tell the magistrate how scared I was.”
Kay realised she was close to losing her life when Simon came up behind her in the apartment one night, smothering her until she was fighting for breath.
“I thought ‘I am going to die,’ and then something kicked in and I managed to escape – scratching him in the process – ironically he told me he would be applying for an AVO against me.
“I was stuck somewhere between denial and bewilderment about the situation I was in, and it took a trip to visit girlfriends and family in Melbourne to make me realise I had to get out for once and for all.”
Unfortunately for Kay “getting out” wasn’t as easy as just packing her bags. In domestic violence situations, leaving is one of the hardest aspects for victims.
“The AVO had been adjourned three times – with the magistrate saying he couldn’t do anything else without me in court,” Kay says.
“In the meantime, Simon kept imploring me that things would change, that I couldn’t throw our life together away. On a completely separate level I was a snob about the process … I couldn’t believe someone like me had to go to court in the first place.”
Kay knew she needed police protection, and so in one final humiliating episode, she packed up her possessions while the police watched her every move, protecting her from further violence.
Related: Rachael Taylor – I was a victim of domestic violence
Finally free of Simon, Kay has watched from a distance as he has appeared in court for various crimes against women and felt some vindication when he was finally jailed two years ago.
“His attacks against other women were almost identical to what he did to me,” she says. “When he gets out of jail, I have no doubt that within 24 hours he’ll be back at the Woollahra Hotel, hunting for his next victim.
“There’s a lot of stigma attached to domestic violence, a lot of prejudice and judgement. But if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone – rich or poor – smart or uneducated. Women need to recognise the signs, seek help, and get out of the situation before it’s too late.”
Kay Schubach has written a book about her experience, called A Perfect Stranger. She is also an ambassador for Domestic Violence NSW and a fundraiser for White Ribbon Australia.
The Australian Women’s Weeklyhas partnered with Rachael Taylor and White Ribbon Australia to launch the Secrets campaign, which encourages women to share their personal stories of domestic violence by submitting a video to the White Ribbon website.
