On the outside looking in, Samuel Johnson is a man who ought to be overjoyed. He has spent the last seven years with one thing on his mind: raising $10 million for cancer research.
Each day, he had gone to another small town, attended another community event and heard the rattle of the tin, all to keep the promise he made to his sister Connie before she died.
And now, the money is in – 10 million hard-earned dollars, each one dedicated to fighting the disease that robbed Samuel of Connie in 2017 and continues to fracture families around the country.
“First, I promised my sister, then I promised all of us. It took seven years. We came good. Thank you,” Samuel confirmed via Instagram on August 25. “$10m for cancer research banked. I’m the proudest brother in the world right now.”
He also had a message for the loyal followers of the non-profit organisation Love Your Sister: “Thanks for showing me how to be. You gave me somewhere to belong. I love this village.”
Samuel with his late sister Connie.
However, talking with Samuel in the days preceding the achievement, it’s clear that whatever pending elation he’d experience would be hamstrung by fear.
He understands that raising the money will set him free, but what does that freedom look like when your drive has defined you for so many years?
“All I’ve known is this goal for the last seven years,” he explained to TV WEEK on the eve of the financial milestone. “Every day, I’ve been driven by it.
“I’m so excited to honour the promise I made Connie and the nation, but I’m equally terrified that I will fall in a hole after that.”
Think of it as the Connie Comedown.
Since the brother-and-sister duo burst onto the public scene with the creation of Love Your Sister in 2012, Samuel’s purpose has been pinned to this narrative.
Whether riding around Australia on a unicycle or cha-cha-cha-ing his way to the Mirror Ball trophy on Dancing With The Stars, every decision has been framed by his goal.
And now, for the first time he can recall in a long time, Samuel’s life becomes his own again.
“What do I have when I don’t have the thing I’ve been obsessing about for seven years?” the 41-year-old actor asks himself out loud.
“My family and friends are very worried about me – they’re worried that once that target hits, there will be a comedown and I’ll regress into old and destructive behaviours, so I’m on high alert to not mess it up.”
“What do I have when I don’t have the thing I’ve been obsessing about for seven years?”
Samuel Johnson is no stranger to talking openly and candidly about the chinks in his armour.
He’s unashamedly honest regarding his battles with alcohol and drugs, and has spoken of having scratched the bottom, risen to the top and floated somewhere in between.
“I understand my demons now, I’ve danced with them many times, and I’m old enough to say it’s not a dance I want to continue,” Samuel says.
“I’m lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed from my bad choices in the past, and I don’t want to tempt fate again. If I push my luck any further, then I’m asking for trouble.”
If you subscribe to the idea that there’s a higher power pulling the strings, then it seems almost scripted that the Love Your Sister team surpassed their $10 million fundraising goal on Sunday, August 25, just two weeks before the second anniversary of Connie’s passing.
“I’m sad she isn’t here for the $10 million, and I’m sad she didn’t see me on Dancing With The Stars,” Samuel says. “But I was given 40 years with her, and I must remain grateful. It feels like she’s not even gone, she’s that close to me in the work that I do, but then sometimes it just hits you, and you get ripped into reality.
“Usually when I have a fundraising high, or a big win, and she’s the one I want to call and share that, I’ll grab the phone, and I can’t [speak to her].”
“I was given 40 years with her, and I must remain grateful.”
Ticking off the $10 million also puts Samuel’s early retirement back under the microscope. Following his TV WEEK Gold Logie Award win in 2017 for his work on the Channel Seven miniseries Molly, Samuel shelved acting in favour of fundraising.
“So call me Molly if you like. Call me that annoying voice-over guy. Just don’t call me an actor,” he wrote on the Love Your Sister Facebook page. “Not until the $10M is raised. Until then, I’m all yours, around the clock.”
But with the money banked successfully and his career at a crossroads, perhaps a back-flip on retirement is exactly the right move?
“Acting work is hard to come by. I’ve had two straight offers since I retired, which is four years,” Samuel declares. “It’s not something I’ve missed, but at the same time, there is a sense of unfinished business; I was just starting to get good at it.”
Samuel’s portrayal of Molly Meldrum was a reminder of his abundant talent on screen.
“In The Secret Life of Us, I was just playing myself, but with Molly, I applied myself, I felt semi-capable, like I was hitting my stride,” he says.
“So who knows, maybe there is more for me.”
Samuel won DWTS earlier this year, adding the winnings to his charity.
The final push towards the fundraising finish line was helped, in no small part, by the release of Samuel’s latest volume, Dear Dad, a collection of letters by notable Australians to their fathers.
In the book, Samuel pens a moving missive to his own dad, who he says “had a profound belief in my abilities, and he had an unusual trust in my instincts”.
And it’s clear that the project forced him to consider the possibility of having his own family, and why that may be the one role he may not be right for.
“I feel like my parenting days are over, but I feel like I’ve played a good role for kids more broadly,” Samuel says. “It’s not something I see for myself. It’s not for me. I spend all my time with families and most of my life around children, so I don’t necessarily need to create space for my own.”
But in the same breath, he offers an instant disclaimer.
“Never say never! I could fall madly in love with someone and squeeze one out within a year!” he says with a laugh. “You never know what might happen tomorrow!”
And now, finally, Samuel Johnson’s tomorrow appears to be wide open.
