A few weeks ago I was sitting at an inner city salon in Sydney getting my hair braided into manageable corn rows. I get this done when I want to be lazy and want to go a week without giving my arms their brutal daily workout of brushing my unruly curly mane. Anywho, about three lines into the rad ghetto-inspired hairstyle a young woman sitting next to me, her hair slicked back with a whiffy white cream slapped all over, gently tapped the afro-salon hairdresser on the arm and calmly said: “It’s really burning now, should I go over to the basin?”
Without the slightest bit of alarm the hairdresser nodded and guided the woman over to the sink where she washed out her once vibrant springy curls to straw straight tresses.
While the idea of cooking your follicles to point of straight haired conformity might seem extreme, it is but a reality for the many frizzy haired females walking this earth.
Ask any woman with even the slightest hint of a wave what the best invention of the last 100 years is and it won’t be the aeroplane or the internet, it will be the GHD. A device that has gifted them with poker straight locks without having to risk their face on the surface of an ironing board while a trusted friend whizzed over it with the clothes iron – that’s a true story.
That’s right folks, having curly hair can be a beeyatch, a painful, burning, scary beeyatch.
So straight (haired) community, before you complain to your coiled haired gal pals about the annoyances of your lank mane, please consider the following home truths that only curly haired girls would know.
No so polished: Anne Hathaway princess with a semi-fro in The Princess Diaries.
A curly haired woman will never know the romantic touch of a lover’s hand running through their locks
Curly haired girls don’t care what stage of love making they are in, as soon as someone goes for the hair pull our thoughts are immediately transfixed on just how the heck we are going to brush out the mess that’s just been made?!
Rain makes us look like “cool girls”
While every other female shrieks and scurries for shelter at the slightest drop of rain, a bit of drizzle actually does wonders for curly haired girls. The light moisture takes away the frizz and revitalises our locks so we just look so chill walking in the rain – totally one with the elements. *Disclaimer: If our hair has been flat-ironed straight we will shriek and scurry with the best of them and think, ‘To hell with the cool girl cover!’
Just ’cause we got hair like Diana Ross don’t mean we can sing like her.
Having curly hair makes you Queen of Karaoke… apparently
While science has not yet been consulted on the correlation between curly hair and vocal ability society doesn’t seem to give a damn. When curly haired sisters find themselves at a karaoke bar they are immediately thrust to the stage with pressuring comments like: “Can she sing? Of course she can sing – she’s got hair like Diana Ross!” FYI: Curly haired people are just like straight haired people – some of us can sing and some of us definitely can’t so please don’t force us to pick up the mic and disappoint strangers.
Fashion blogger Man Repeller reveals her curl hair woes.
Not any comb will do
Picture this, you go away with girlfriends and someone says, “Oh gosh darn it, I forgot my hairbrush – can I borrow yours?” Now of course you oblige but if you are a true curly haired woman, you will watch that thing like it was your first born. It’s taken you years to find something to un-matt your mane without ripping out your painfully slow growing hair so like a boomerang, you’re are going to make damn sure that thing comes back.
Dangling earrings only means danger
A pair of expensive ear accessories dripping with the sharp intricate edges of Bvlgari jewels only spells disaster for the curly hair. We would spend more time trying to untangle them from our tresses than enjoying having them on.
Embrace your curls like Merida in Brave!
Every little girl thinks you’re a Disney Princess
This one is kind of hard to understand since Belle, Ariel, Rapunzel and every other major character from the Disney monarchy has lush straight hair but honestly it’s so cute walking down the supermarket aisle and hearing little girls whisper, “Look mummy, that Princess has pretty hair!”
Ahem, curls don’t always get the girls. Case in point Bradley Cooper in American Hustle.
Don’t call me lazy, I wash my hair errrrryday
Most Curly haired women must at least wet their hair every day to even stand the slightest goddamn chance of having any hair cooperation at all.
Where the heck is the conditioner?!
As far as the curly hairs are concerned shampoo can go to another planet – conditioner is our only true friend. And in those times when we’ve jumped the gun and washed our hair with shampoo without first checking for conditioner, we will spend the rest of the day looking like we survived an ambush from a wild boar.
Despite the commentary the author of this article, Jessica Leahy (pictured) does like her curly hair and wouldn’t trade it in for anything else.
Curly haired peeps can’t get bobs
We just can’t and nothing more needs to be said about this.
Big hair = big personality
Good luck trying to be a wallflower – the straight haired community just won’t let you. Our hair is big and loud so be proud!
