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How to plan your big day

The big question's been popped, but now what? We found the best online sources to make planning almost as fun as the big day.

Planning your dream wedding can be tough without the right tools. Do your research online before you walk down the aisle to save yourself time, money and stress.

Let us point you in the right direction for tips, tools and advice from the experts.

Where is it?

www.i-do.com.au

What is it?

Australia’s leading weddings site.

It’s good for…

Providing regional directories for fashion, flowers and transport. Tips and advice on planning, live chats, real-life stories, membership and more. It’s well worth a click.

Where is it?

www.law.gov.au

What is it?

A directory of Marriage Celebrants, provided by the Attorney General’s Department.

It’s good for…

Finding a wedding celebrant.

Where is it?

www.dfat.gov.au

What is it?

Everything you need to know about getting married overseas

It’s good for…

Making sure you have all your bases covered before you elope to an exotic location!

Where is it?

www.theknot.com

What is it?

US-based weddings site.

It’s good for…

Although it lacks Australian local content, it is great for tools, such as the checklist and budget planning tools.

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Extract: wives and lovers

An exclusive extract from Wives and Lovers, the Great Read in the August issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Wives and Lovers by Jane Elizabeth Varley is a thoughtful and entertaining exploration of contemporary marriage and family relationships, told through the lives of three sisters.

Orion, August, $29.95

Victoria Stratford considered that her husband’s fortieth birthday party was going as well as could be expected. The drawing room hummed with animated conversation, smokers had taken her gentle hint and drifted into the garden and she had so far managed to avoid prolonged conversation with any of her guests. However, the continued absence of her husband was increasingly irritating. She did not fear an accident – or worse: David could be relied upon to be late – only to burst in upon the room – and, with tales of awkward judges and London traffic, apologise for his absence in a way that suggested he was not terribly sorry at all but expected to be forgiven his lateness.

He would be forgiven, by the friends, family and neighbours who had gathered to celebrate his birthday but more especially to gaze upon his Wimbledon house, which after a year of renovations over three floors and thousands of pounds, was now theirs to occupy again. It was his house: although he had been married to Victoria for fifteen years, and they had two children, David was at heart a lawyer and had thus omitted to place the house in their joint names.

There was, moreover, as their guests were to be told in good time, another event to celebrate.

Victoria heard more people arriving. Her daily, Consuela, was stationed by the front door to take coats and point new arrivals in the direction of the drawing room. Six guests had arrived together and were bunched dangerously in the hallway beside two waitresses bearing trays of hot sausages coated with marmalade. Victoria had been unsure of this last concoction but Panda had assured her it would be a certain hit and guests after initial reservations seemed to bear this out.

In truth, Victoria found Panda rather intimidating, but she had been highly recommended by one of the mothers at school and she certainly looked the part – slightly porky, nudging forty, and always dressed in a man’s blue-and-white-striped shirt, navy pedal-pushers and those flat blue pumps with gilt chains across the front that Victoria thought they’d stopped making years ago. One of the last surviving Sloane Rangers still at large in the King’s Road, Panda had made it clear over the telephone that she normally only catered for central London parties but, as it was a quiet time, would on this occasion venture south of the river. Of course, at their first meeting, Panda had rumbled Victoria within seconds – guessed that she had never used caterers before, breezily substituted champagne for white wine and smiled patronisingly at Victoria’s enquiry about serviettes before assuring her that paper napkins would be provided.

But David had been insistent: influential people would be coming to this party, senior barristers, well-connected friends, and the neighbours. Neighbours from their side of the street – the Edwardian semi’s – but more especially from the double-fronted Victorian houses opposite, on bigger plots, with basements, four reception rooms and off-street parking. And the original bells for the servants. Houses that sold before the local agents had time to type up the details – ‘Generously proportioned family home, retaining many period features, in the heart of Wimbledon Village with easy access to the City, benefiting from a choice of excellent private schools.’ Houses lived in by sophisticated people who could not be served Victoria’s party food – toast triangles with smoked-salmon paté, mini vol-au-vents and Twiglets, cheese footballs, peanuts, or anything encased in flaky pastry.

Victoria caught sight of her sister and brother-in-law hovering in the hallway and sprang towards them, relieved to see their familiar faces in a sea of acquaintances.

‘Bottle of red.’ Tom pressed a plastic carrier-bag into her hand.

Cooking wine, no doubt. Victoria made a mental note to give it to Consuela tomorrow. But she was grateful that they had come, aware that Tom detested cocktail parties. ‘You really didn’t need to bring anything,’ she said. ‘And, before you ask, he’s not here yet.’

Tom raised his eyebrows but before he could respond Clara cut across him: ‘Don’t worry about us. You see to your proper guests.’ She spoke with her usual calm assurance. Clara, like Tom, would never have been described as a party animal, far preferring to spend her time researching some obscure point of law in a university library, so Victoria was surprised and touched to see that she had made a special effort with her appearance: she wore a black knitted dress, which was the closest Clara possessed to what other, smarter women would call a cocktail dress. It was not, however, a garment many women would consider wearing to an evening drinks party. Though Clara had donned black court shoes, the opaque black tights she wore with them, not to mention her heavy beaded jewellery and thick glasses, somehow served only to reinforce her dowdiness. Though younger than Victoria by four years, Clara might easily have been mistaken for the older of the two: she had no interest in the touches of make-up that would have accentuated her strong cheekbones, full lips and soft blue eyes, features which were further hidden by the thick auburn hair that fell heavily across her face and on to her shoulders.

Tom’s eyes were already on the miniature club sandwiches emerging from the kitchen. As family, Tom considered himself exempt from any dress code and had complained earlier to Clara that it was a Friday evening when those who really needed to work for a living could scarcely be expected to find time to change. His jeans and denim jacket were his trademark work clothes, an outfit he liked to believe rendered him less official, more approachable, to the poor and dispossessed of the South London housing estate to which he was assigned as the full-time social worker.

In the hallway Victoria made out the Boltons from next door and noted, without surprise, that they were empty-handed. Major Bolton was a stalwart of the Wimbledon branch of the Heritage in Architecture Association and had made a perfect nuisance of himself during the renovations with a stream of helpful suggestions as to period details. This had been all the more annoying because his own decaying house, stuffed with dowdy furniture and mouldy chintz, was all but held together with linoleum and purple-painted Anaglypta wallpaper. The Boltons had surged ahead and were now creating a bottle-neck at the drawing-room door, having stopped to gawp at the newly painted cornicing. Major Bolton was lecturing no one in particular: ‘Good show. Original nineteenth-century colour. Helped them track it down myself. Chap in Wales makes it, natural dyes…’

It was all original – or, at least, authentic and sympathetically restored in keeping with the period. They had had plenty of time to plan the work, ten years to be precise, the time it had taken them to recover from buying the house in the first place, which had been a nightmare on account of the bridging loan they’d been forced to take out when their Clapham flat stuck on the market. But David had been determined. In the late eighties they had despaired of ever affording a house, so they were damned well going to get one in the crash of the early nineties. The building society had wanted a quick sale, and David would give them one. Six weeks from viewing to moving in, and crossed fingers that the repossessed owners hadn’t pushed sardines down the radiators and turned up the heating before their enforced departure. They hadn’t. As Victoria subsequently found out from Mrs Bolton they had been a rather nice couple. He was a City trader; she stayed in touch with them and was really quite upset when the wife wrote six months later to say they were getting divorced.

Victoria could only imagine that he had once been paid stinking bonuses: she and David had moved into a scuffed version of a Las Vegas hotel suite, all spotlights and silk-effect wallpaper and marks on the carpet where white leather sofas had stood. The en-suite bathroom was floor-to-ceiling black marble, apart from one wall of smoked mirror and the bath itself, which was actually a Jacuzzi. The carpet was white and so deep you needed a special plastic rake thing to comb it out properly. It was all very modern, apart from the kitchen in hand-carved rustic oak. And it had been fun to live in with all sorts of gadgets to play with, like electric curtains and a TV console built into the headboard and sunken blue lights along the garden path.

David had tired of it first. After a couple of years, he had started getting the big cases and big money, and invitations to the houses of judges and QCs. Houses that shared a certain classic English style. He would return home discontented and frustrated and, if the house they had visited was particularly grand, ashamed. He no longer laughed when the doorbell played ‘Careless Whisper’. He wanted a house like the others had, with all the vocabulary that went with it. Sofas and pantries and lavatories and cellars and sash windows. Especially the sash windows. Oh, and he wanted a country house, too.

David wanted a country house as only a boy born in a council house could.

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Bush poetry championships

Eulo*, 67kms west of Cunnamulla in south west Queensland, boasts over 20 businesses, which is remarkable for a town with a population of 50. Eulo also hosts the annual World Championship Lizard Race as part of the Paroo Festival. And if that’s not enough to put it on the map, Eulo can now claim its own national poetry champion with local, Janine Haig, winning the Bronze Swagman award for the Written and Performance Sections at this year’s Waltzing Matildas Bush Poetry Championships.

This makes local hero, Janine, the only person to take out both awards in the 32 year history of Swagman which began in 1972.

For Janine, who has been writing poetry for ten years, the win is a welcome boost during tough times. Janine and her husband, Doug, own and run a sheep and cattle station called Moama, which covers 106,000 acres and is 100kms west of Eulo. “The station is gripped with drought,” reports Janine. “We have been feeding stock for almost three years and have lost more than half our sheep. As the bookkeeper, among other jobs, I can tell you it is quite a juggling act, keeping our heads above water, financially.”

The couple have three daughters aged between 15 and 21 and Janine, who has two published books, I Hope Yer Sheep Get Flyblown and Always Wear Clean Knickers, is the country cousin of Kim Wilkins, author of the award winning Europa series.

Bush Spirit, Janine’s new book, which will be a combination of silly and serious verse, will be out at the end of October.

Here is her prize winning poem, Not Gone. It expresses the disbelief of a wife who has lost her husband in a tragic farm accident.

(*In case you were wondering about the origin of the name Eulo, the stories vary. One theory is that it was named after a woman from a European country and her name was pronounced Eulo but spelled differently. Another theory is that the name is Aboriginal. Some say it stands for dry place/creek/river, others claim it means wet springs).

**NOT GONE

He can’t be gone. I know that any moment he’ll be back;

The chocolate cake I baked for him is cooling on the rack,

I can smell his aftershave – I know that he is near,

And if I hold to love I know that he will soon appear.

I didn’t say “I love you” when he hurried out the door,

I didn’t say “I’m sorry” for our fight the night before,

I didn’t kiss his cheek and hug him as I always do,

So this must be a nightmare. I know it can’t be true.

His dog lies by the kitchen step, her eyes confused and dim,

She will not move away because she’s waiting there for him

To whistle soft and say her name and make her life complete;

One word will cease her brooding and bring her to her feet.

He can’t be gone, the yards are full of calves he needs to brand;

I hear the sound of neighbours who have come to lend a hand,

He should be there to supervise and rally them along,

Making sense of chaos in the bawling, milling throng.

That savage bull he battled with will have to go away,

He told me just this morning that he ought to shoot that stray,

He said the bull was crazy, and he said it with a curse –

That bull would do some damage – he’d gore someone… or worse.

He knows too much to turn his back on cattle that are bad,

He’s worked at drafting cattle in the yards since just a lad,

He’s agile and he’s quick when there’s a need to climb the rail,

I won’t believe that suddenly those skills of his could fail.

Despite what they are saying, I know they must be wrong;

He wouldn’t go and leave me, he knows I’m not that strong.

And that broken, battered body – I know that wasn’t him –

His face is always smiling – he never looks that grim.

A murmuring of voices insisting it is true,

A gathering of women who are here to see me through

The shock and then the grieving – for me to lean upon –

I don’t know why they bother. I know he can’t be gone.

He can’t be gone, his laughter echoes up and down the hall,

I know that any minute I will hear his Smoko! call;

He hasn’t signed the documents to verify our loan.

He knows I cannot keep the business running on my own.

He can’t be gone, he promised me that he would mow the lawn,

He promised he would be here when our baby boy was born,

He promised he’d be careful, so I’m sure there’s some mistake –

For if he’s gone my heart will cease to beat and simply break.

Stop telling me these stories – they’re just a bunch of lies,

I know that if I’m patient he will open up his eyes

Then fold me in his arms again and rock me to and fro –

Don’t tell me any different for I do not want to know.

** Copyright held by:

Janine Haig

Eulo

March 2003

Winner of the Bronze Swagman Bush Poetry Award 2003, Winton

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Bathroom accessories

Add a little pizazz to your bathroom with these great accessories that are so easy to make.

Materials

FIMO modelling clay (available at large craft retailers and selected art stores)

Seahorse and shell moulds (we used plastic chocolate moulds which are available at large craft retailers)

Paintbrush

Baby powder

FIMO metallic powder (available at large craft retailers and selected art stores)

Sharp knife

Fork

Skewer

Glass and ceramic bottles

Shell

Baking tray

Aluminium foil

Gloss or satin varnish

Wooden backed hairbrush

Craft glue

Step One

Knead the clay until it becomes pliable. Brush the sea horse and shell moulds lightly with powder, then press the clay firmly into the moulds. Smooth the backs of the shapes, then push them out of the moulds and trim the edges with the knife.

Step Two

Make the starfish decoration by moulding flattened balls of clay; squeeze the corners to form the points of the starfish. Use the fork to make dots in the clay along the points. Using the skewer, make a hole in the end of one point – this allows you to hang the starfish shape around the neck of a bottle. Brush your shapes lightly with metallic powder.

Step Three

Roll the clay into rope-like lengths and twist two of these together. Place the twists around the neck of a bottle and press the ends together. Use twists or single lengths to decorate the necks or ridges of your bottles, as pictured. Brush the twists with metallic powder, if desired.

Step Four

To cover a bottle, mould a large piece of flattened clay over the surface of the bottle, adding more clay as you work. Make a soap dish in the same way using an existing soap dish or a shell as a mould. If any air bubbles form in the clay, pierce them with a pin and press down gently to remove them.

Step Five

Place your prepared objects on a baking tray covered with foil. Bake in a conventional oven, at 130 degrees Celsius for 25-30 minutes. When cool, apply one or two coats of varnish to the shapes and allow to dry. Glue the shapes onto bottles, a hairbrush or other objects such as boxes and bowls to create a range of coordinating bathroom accessories.

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Q&a: Jane Elizabeth Varley

Author of our August Great Read, Wives and Lovers.

**Q How has the book been received in the UK?

A** It was published a week ago and we’ve had a lot of interest. It came out in hardback and it’s in all the bookshops and getting very good review coverage. Which is fantastic and surprising, because I’m a first-time author and it’s not always easy to get a book off the ground. The publisher has been great, they’re 100% behind it.

**Q You’re obviously hopeful the publication of your debut novel is the beginning of a long and successful writing career?

A** I’m working on the second book at the moment which isn’t a sequel to Wives and Lovers, although some of the minor characters do re-appear. They are minor characters in Wives and Lovers but, in the second book, they are main characters. So it’s the same setting, same type of location, but different theme. I feel very driven to write a second book.

**Q I think a lot of women will relate to Wives and Lovers and it’s theme of modern marriage – what drew you to it?

A** I’m 37 now and I guess I’m at a stage in my life where most of my friends are married, building up their families but I also have a number of friends who are in their forties and starting to struggle and in some cases separate and divorce. It’s that time of life. So it’s something that I saw going on around me. And I’ve seen it from both sides of the fence because I’ve been a single parent, like the character Annie in the book, but I’ve also been married. And I’m aware of the kind of thing that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The girls who are single, envy their married friends. The married girls envy their single friends and I wanted to look at that and see, what is the reality? What are the advantages? To some extent, even though the characters David and Victoria have what you’d call a bad marriage, there is still some companionship, some shared activity although their quality of life together is very low. Whereas with Clara and Tom, she is very dissatisfied. There’s a lot of dullness there. But she goes back to that companionship even though there isn’t the excitement. I wanted to look at all of that and see what it is that keeps couples together in a long term relationship?

**Q Did you come to any conclusion or do you have any answers?

A I would NOT** set myself up as having answers for anyone. Although it may sound clichéd, I think trying to reach some acceptance of where you are at the time. I think the idea that if you have an affair, or if you change your partner, or if you move to another part of the country then your life is going to magically improve is very corrosive. You still take yourself with you and I think it’s important to have that acceptance of where you are now. And I think that’s what stage Victoria reaches, because she’s in complete denial about the state of her marriage and one day she has to say, ‘Well, what’s the reality?’ I suppose it is taking a long hard look at where you are and seeing whether you can work it out from that point.

**Q I think, too, your story says that it takes a lot of courage to end even an unhappy marriage?

A** That is really important. When Clara and Victoria have that argument and Clara says, ‘Why don’t you just leave?’, it’s probably a question we’ve all asked about our friends either directly of them or indirectly in our own mind. If you’re unhappy why don’t you leave? These days it’s not that easy. I suppose I wanted to make a point too in that argument between the sisters, that we don’t ever really understand the true dynamics of other peoples’ relationships. It’s very easy to give advice, but it’s tough to actually carry that out. And Victoria has a lot of fear. She’s looking out thinking, ‘Well, do I really want to be on the dating scene again?’ That’s the thing I hear a lot of. Women who are dissatisfied in their marriage but think it’s a very scary place out there.

**Q You’re single again, aren’t you? So how are you finding the dating scene?

A** This is going to be in my second book, too. I find it incredibly difficult. Going through that process. I’m pretty positive. I think you’ve got to go out there, be not too heavy about things, be fairly light-hearted and see what happens. I think if you come out of a marriage thinking, ‘hopefully, soon, I’m going to find the love of my life’, you might be disappointed. But if you go out and do all the standard things, building up your network, your social life, going out with your friends, then I think that’s a good place to start from. In my second book it’s something I want to look at – from the point of view of a woman in a traditional marriage who has been looked after by her husband, and she suddenly finds herself on her own. We think, don’t we, that in this age of women’s liberation that everybody is independent? But I know plenty of women who still have quite a traditional marriage, and who are frightened of the idea of being by themselves.

**Q I can’t imagine you ever being a dependent wife?

A** I think there was certainly a stage in my life earlier when I was living in France and I wasn’t working and I did fall into that – it’s something I’ve never thought about really. In France I didn’t have very good language skills and I was dependent on my husband, and that becomes a cycle – the less you do the less you can do. I have got a fear of that. Outside of that, I’ve always worked. I was a law lecturer.

**Q You’re writing full-time now?

A** Yes. Promoting the book and looking after my son Adam, who’s 12 in August, keeps me pretty busy.

**Q Are you okay financially, because that’s the other big challenge for people who want to write full-time?

A** Yes, I mean I have to be careful. I’m not going on any exotic holidays, but I’m managing.

**Q Do you still believe in marriage as a valid institution and see it as a good thing to have in life?

A** Yes, of course I do. It’s the ideal, isn’t it? I think it’s the state to which most of us aspire. I think independence is an important quality, but I don’t myself feel that I am at my best when I am on my own. I feel happiest when I’m in a loving, supportive partnership. I think the challenge is getting the quality of that relationship, particularly for a number of years, with children coming along as well. I don’t know what you think of this but I think most of us are still drawn to the romantic idea.

**Q Yes, but isn’t that part of the problem? We believe in the idyllic image of the great lover with whom we’re going to run off into the sunset. Maybe we should be a bit more realistic, more aware that marriage is a difficult thing to do well over the long-term?

A** It’s unglamorous isn’t it? And hard work. As Clara has to do, in the aftermath of their problems – you have to sit down and talk to a counsellor when you don’t really want to. When it would be so much easier to walk out of the door and say, ‘Well, I’ll just start again.’ And particularly when you have the same issue and you despair of ever resolving it. One of the things I want to look at in book two is step-families. I have a couple of friends who are dealing with step-children. Really, it’s never going to be perfect.

There was an Australian film, Lantana, it was such a good film, the way it captured that distance between the couple and their inability to overcome it. And I suppose, the irony of her being a psychiatrist and yet she couldn’t talk to the person closest to her. It goes back to what we were saying a little earlier about communication and how hard that can be.

**Q You finally began to write your book when you moved to Normandy – how long where you there for?

A** A year.

**Q Did you know what kind of book you wanted to write?

A** I wanted to write an engaging novel. The challenge to me was to write a book that was going to be a page-turner, where the reader was driven to read on. In a way, that was what intrigued me and beyond that, there were themes and characters I wanted to write about. To an extent, I guess all the three sisters in Wives And Lovers are autobiographical. Each represents a different stage in my life. Victoria and her struggle with her marriage, Annie as the single parent as I was, and Clara who professionally is the character closest to me – I was a law lecturer too – although I did not have an affair with a younger student!

**Q You were a single mother after your first marriage ended?

A** Yes, I was a single mother for three years and it was a very tough time. I was working full-time. I also did private tuition in the evenings. It was a hard time. There was a study here in the UK recently that found the two biggest problems facing single mothers are financial insecurity and social isolation. And that was something in the flashbacks in the book, I really wanted to bring out. When you get home at night and you can’t afford a baby-sitter and you’re in with the children.

**Q I imagine you and your son are especially close?

A** We are close because we’ve been through a lot together, although I’ve always encouraged him to be active. But I’ve also been conscious of not wanting to fall into that trap of the mother with the only son and being too suffocating and cloying. I’m lucky though because he’s quite sporty so he has his own network and his own interests. That’s sparked off something else in my mind that I want to write about – what can happen after divorce when women make children their surrogate partner. I see quite a lot of that and I feel it could be quite dangerous.

**Q I read that you always felt a person’s mid-30’s was a good time to write. Was that because you feel you need more experience?

A** I think books draw heavily from life experience. There are some wonderfully talented writers who produce great books in their 20’s – I’m not criticising that. But for me and the kind of book I’m interested in, it is based on life experience. Particularly when you are writing about relationships.

**Q It was your husband who encouraged you to get an agent?

A** Yes.

**Q Was your manuscript snapped up?

A** Pretty much so, yes. I’d finished the novel and I sent it to a couple of agents and somebody called me back quite quickly. It did happen fast. I was amazed because you think it will be a very long haul, but things happened very quickly.

**Q What kind of contract did you get?

A** A two-book contract with Orion.

**Q Was writing a novel a life long ambition?

A** Yes, but I think in my twenties I was very much preoccupied with my career in law and also I became a mother when I was 25, so it wasn’t something I tried to focus on. I think it was just a question of events coalescing and I found myself at the right time in my mid 30’s in Normandy, with the time to sit down and write the book. Other people had been saying to me for a long time, ‘oh, you really ought to write a book’. And I suppose I was a keen writer of letters and emails and it almost reached a stage where I thought, ‘well, I’ve got to see if I can do that.’ But I didn’t have any background in creative writing, hadn’t done a course or anything like that. I just literally sat down one day and started at page one and carried on and the book almost wrote itself. It all came out.

**Q Tell me a bit about living in Normandy?

A** I was living on the coast in Deaxville which is quite a traditional French town. It has a strong fishing industry and in the hinterland, it’s agricultural, so you have a daily market. Obviously, there is a very strong cuisine. It also had a very old-fashioned sense of neighbourhood – everyone knows everyone else. There’s one school, like a little town school and all the kids go there. It’s a very integrated social community with a small ex-pat community, which I became involved in. In fact we had a book club there. That was a highlight. It’s a very picturesque, traditional way of life which doesn’t really exist in the UK any more.

**Q And your husband was working there?

A** My husband’s family is French. And it was something he wanted to do for a while – go and spend some time in France, but in fact what happened was he had a business and he ended up spending quite a bit of time in the UK. I was the person who became more integrated into the life than he did. And I would have stayed, but sadly because of business commitments we had to come back to the UK.

**Q You had a very sad childhood – I read about your Mum being an alcoholic and committing suicide – that was a major thing to recover from at the age of 15. Did you need help to get through it, or has life and time healed it for you?

A** Life and time, that is a good phrase. And it’s working through it. I had huge issues of my own when my son was born. And it’s just actually living with those feelings and working through them. In my early 20’s and teenage years, I think it was something I blocked out. The two things were running parallel. I had this very chaotic and disturbing family situation, but at the same time I went to a grammar school, I was pushed very hard academically, put in for a scholarship at Oxford and then reading for the Bar. So in a sense it got repressed until I had my own family which was a huge trigger. It’s been a process of working through that from there.

**Q So you must have had a lot of unresolved grief?

A** Absolutely and that was triggered when my son was born. When I thought about the publicity for my book, I had to think very closely as to whether I was going to talk about all this. I’m not a crusader, but it was really important to me to in a small way, to look at the theme in the book and to show how you can reach the stage as a mother where you actually consider taking your own life. Because most people would say, ‘well, how selfish. You should think about the children.’ And what I tried to show is that suicide is a part of a wider picture of mental illness. It goes with the most basic level of low self-esteem and then it becomes severe depression and other disturbances as well and I’m just trying to put it into that context. And also to break away from the stigma. Suicide is still the kind of death that people shy away from. There’s no reason for that. It seems to me that it’s the conclusion of mental illness. We’re beginning to be more open, more educated about mental illness in this country, we’ve still got some way to go. Suicide is still a very strong taboo and I felt really strongly that that is something I wanted to break, in my own small way.

**Q You do it well I think, because you experience the depression that leads to the suicide attempt and the state of mind of the character, who tells herself that her child would be better off without her anyway?

A** Yes, that’s the really frightening part of the illness, that it normalises abnormal emotions and responses. It’s what depression does, if you think about it. At the simplest level people can’t get out of bed, can’t get dressed – the character in my book had reached the stage where she was just too tired to make the bed, it seems too overwhelming and then she goes and talks to someone and begins to realise that is not normal.

I don’t know what the figures are, but depression does seem to affect more women than men, unless it’s that women are more open about it.

**Q What did your father do for a living?

A** He worked for BOAC and then for British Airways on the management side. He died when I was 25.

**Q Was he an important part of your life?

A** He was an enormous part of my life during my childhood because he was the stable, reliable parent. I certainly owe him a great debt for all the normality he brought to my life and the encouragement he gave me. He made me feel that I could go out into the world and achieve things. Although it affects everyone in the family, we are only just beginning to talk about alcoholism in this country. There is an enormous taboo around that, too. I have some friends in the US and of course the recovery culture is much stronger in the States. In the UK the country as a whole is in denial. And we have a growing and obvious problem of alcohol abuse.

**Q You walk your dog every day in Richmond Park. What’s his or her name?

A** Pillsbury. She’s a French mountain dog and I actually rescued her when we were living in France. She’s about 35kgs and she’s very shaggy.

**Q Your book depicts Surrey. How would you describe the Surrey lifestyle?

A** It’s a moneyed lifestyle. But Surrey people will pride themselves on their good taste. It’s not as ostentatious or flashy as Essex. The worst thing you can do is tell someone who’s from Surrey, that they look like an Essex wife. Although Victoria will go to the gym and she will have her nails done, the style is much more understated. And there’s much more of an emphasis on trying to attain, buy into the idea of classic English good taste. Victoria and David, for example, decide they’re going to have a tennis court rather than a swimming pool. And there’s that slight awareness -what will people think? In Surrey they are probably more likely to drive a Mercedes Estate than a big wheel drive. It’s all those little style things. And a Surrey wife probably won’t spend as much on clothes and she’ll be a little bit more conservative. And less adventurous. And there’s incredible emphasis on the children attending the ‘right’ school and university.

**Q Do you have any dreams?

A** To have a balance in my life. Balance between work and time with my son. To spend time with friends. To be able to travel. To come to Australia at some point. I’m very content with my life, actually.

**Q Star sign?

A** Cancerian.

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July 2003 book gossip

For the latest in the world of books from The Australian Women’s Weekly Books Editor, read on!

And now for something completely different…actress Shirley MacLaine who has written her share of bestsellers – six, according to Publishers Weekly – has a new book coming out called Out on a Leash: Exploring Reality and Love. Shirley is ‘co-authoring’ it with her pet terrier, Terry, with each providing insights into the other’s life.

According to USA Today, Sen. Hillary Clinton’s image has improved since the release of her blockbuster memoir. In a poll conducted after the release of Living History, more than half said they have a favourable view of the former first lady.

One of the stars at the recent BookExpo America, “the world’s largest publishing event”, was actor Buddy Ebsen, best known as Jed Clampett in The Beverly Hillbillies and TV sleuth, Barnaby Jones. His book, Kelly’s Quest, a love story about one woman’s need for love and success in a world dominated by men, has been a Los Angeles Times bestseller.

The June issue of Publishers Weekly announces that Australian children’s writer, the talented Andy Griffiths, has become a big star in the US with his book, The Day My Bum Went Psycho (“Bum” has been replaced by “Butt” in the US version), rocketing up the bestseller charts. Now his ‘Just’ series about to be published there as well.

Singer/songwriter/activist, Kris Kristofferson, is writing a memoir for Hyperion.

Barbara Taylor Bradford is suing a large Indian production company for using her Woman of Substance trilogy as the basis for a prime-time television series.

The nextshort story contest to be staged by The Australian Women’s Weekly will be launched at the opening night dinner of the Byron Bay Writers Festival on Thursday July 31. Details along with entry coupon will be published in the August issue of The Women’s Weekly. Guests at the biggest regional writing festival will include Malcom Fraser, Midnight Oil’s Rob Hirst, Nomra Khouri, Susan Mitchell, Sarah McDonald, Peter FitzSimons and local hero, David Leser, who is a regular contributor to The Australian Women’s Weekly.

According to Publishers Weekly (May issue), reports from several international news sources that recast the rescue of Jessica Lynch during the Iraqui war as a stunning case of “news management” by the Pentagon, could put HarperCollins on the defensive about its recent acquisition of a book about the mission. The reports question whether Lynch was in any real danger and whether the drama surrounding the mission was genuine.

UK entertainer, Cilla Black has just celebrated her 60th birthday and forthcoming autobiography, What’s It All About?

In the UK again, Cherie Booth, has signed up to co-write a book with Cate Haste (wife of Melvyn Bragg), which will be a social history of the changing role of the wife of the PM.

Simon & Schuster UK has bought The First Man: The Life of Neil A Armstrong, the authorised biography of the first man on the moon. Film rights have been picked up by Clint Eastwood who will produce and direct the movie version.

A book begun by Mark Twain in 1885 and finished more than a century later by US author Lee Nelson, has been released in the US. Published by The Mark Twain Foundation and the University of California Press, the book, which Twain stopped writing mid sentence after 15,000 words, is the sequel to The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

There’s a lot of fizz surrounding next month’s publication of Shantaram, the book written by Australian, Gregory David Roberts, former heroin addict who spent 19 years in prison for a series of robberies of building societies. Shantaram is about his years spent in India after escaping from prison in 1980, where he set up a health clinic in the slums, acted in Bollywood movies and worked for the Bombay mafia. Word is that the writing is extraordinary and the book, already the subject of a hotly contested auction overseas, is being read right now by Russell Crowe.

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Extract: the guilty heart

We hope you enjoy this extract from our July Great Read, The Guilty Heart (Macmillan), by Julie Parsons.

Outside the moon hung in the black sky. From time to time dark clouds put out its brightness. Inside Nick lay on his back, his eyes open, watching the glow from the street lights pattern the ceiling. When he had woken first he hadn’t been sure where he was. He had been dreaming about home. There was no form or narrative to the dream. He could remember nothing of what had happened or not happened. But he had been there in that house that once had been his, and now as his eyes flicked around this darkened room it’s shape was unfamiliar and strange. The windows were in the wrong places. The ceiling was too low. There was no full length mirror on the wall in front of the bed. And where was Susan? In his dream he knew she had been lying curled up beside him. He could still feel her thighs pressing against his, her breasts and stomach soft against his spine, her hand holding onto his.

He lay still listening for the sounds of the world outside. What would he hear? The early morning call of a thrush or blue tit? The slow toll of first bell of the day and the hollow thump of Mrs Morrissey’s front door as she banged out of the house two doors down on her way to early morning Mass?

Somewhere out on the river a tug boat hooted. It was a low and mournful sound. He lay still waiting for an answering call, and heard it in the tone of a second boat, a note or two higher. He listened to the two boats’ voices across the river’s rippled black water. And remembered the fog horn which sounded every winter in Dublin Bay. An insistent lowing, an ugly sound. November weather. Mist in the morning and evening. Stillness and silence, blackness in the dead of night and barely any sun at all, even at midday. The fires of Halloween burning to keep the dark away. The day that Owen had gone missing. Mist in the afternoon, and a cold northerly wind. And that night and every other night of that long month of November, lying without sleep, Susan flat on her back beside him, both with their eyes open, watching the clock, listening for the phone and hearing only the sound of the fog horn, bellowing out its ugly cry, regularly, reliably, every twenty seconds. Feeling the cold on their faces, wondering, where was he? Was he hungry, thirsty, frightened, injured? Was he calling for them? Was he waiting for them to find him? Reaching out to take Susan’s hand, realising that she at last had fallen asleep, the tears wet on her pillow. Knowing that no sooner had she woken him that it would be his turn to sleep. So they would avoid yet again the words that had to be said.

*How could you?

How could you leave hi like that?

Why didn’t you check where he was?

Why didn’t you make sure that Marianne was with him?

What were you doing all afternoon, anyway?

Why don’t you tell me the truth?

Knowing the truth would end it for them.

Do you love me?

If you love me as you say you do, how could you do it?

Don’t you want me still?

You don’t, do you?*

As they lay side by side, not touching, listening to the sound of each other’s breath and the moan of the fog horn. Each one crying in turn as the hours passed by.

Now he sat up and switched on the light unable to bear any longer the images which pressed in upon his eyelids. This room took shape. Small and square. Unadorned white walls and dark wooden floor. A bed, a chair, a wardrobe. A ceiling fan that whirred slowly above. He got up and opened the bag which was lying half packed in the corner. He rummaged inside it and pulled out a large plastic wallet. He reached into it. His hands were filled with photographs. Owen’s face stared up at him, new born, cradled in his mother’s arms, his skin so perfect and untouched. He flicked through them watching as Owen grew and took shape before his eyes. Crawling, standing, taking his first tentative steps. Running, kicking a football, riding his bike, playing with his friend Luke from across the square. His first day at school. Learning to swim, on holidays in their favourite village in Crete, wearing a snorkel and a mask, standing on the edge of the swimming pool, poised to dive, while in the background Susan looked up from her book, the sunlight glancing from the lenses of her dark glasses. Always smiling, showing off the gaps in his teeth, his thick fair hair standing up on his head. A winter’s day in the garden. Snow cushioning the lawn, and Owen with Marianne and the others. Chris and Roisin and that friend of theirs, Ed, wasn’t that his name? A quiet, shy boy, with a slight stammer. And Owen pointing to the tracks in the snow, a regular line of small pawn prints, his face suffused with joy, as he points for the camera.

“Look Daddy. Look what was here last night. I saw her from the window. And I was right, you didn’t believe me, did you, you thought I was making it up, didn’t you? But she was here. The fox was here in our garden. And this proves it.”

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Q&a: Julie Parsons

Julie Parsons was born in New Zealand but has lived most of her adult life in Ireland. Her fourth book, The Guilty Heart, has been selected as the Great Read in the August issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. It is a gripping psychological thriller and a ‘must’ for all Minette Walters and Ruth Rendell fans.

The plot: It is ten years since Owen Cassidy, eight year old son of Nick and Susan, disappeared. Their marriage has disintegrated and Nick has moved to the US to try to forget the tragedy. But wherever he goes, his conscience follows. Nick can’t forgive himself for what he was doing the day Owen disappeared, nor can he leave the mystery unsolved. Nick returns home to Ireland determined to find out what really happened.

**Q You don’t sound like you have an Irish accent at all – I thought you were very young when your family moved back from new Zealand to Ireland?

A** No, I was 12. And for some reason – I don’t know why – I never got the Irish accent. People constantly say to me ‘what do you think of the weather? And ask me how long I’ve been here and things like that.

**Q Congratulations on The Guilty Heart, it is a compulsive page-turner, I simply couldn’t stop reading it – have others reacted the same way?

A** I was in London recently doing some stuff with Macmillan and I was in a bookshop in London and one of the booksellers said to me that having enjoyed it, she gave it to her mother, who read it on the train from London to Bath and when she got to Bath, she got out and sat down at the railway station until she finished it.

**Q I imagine that The Guilty heart has been well received at home in Ireland?

A** Yes, it’s been fantastic. It’s number one on the bestsellers list in Ireland and it’s only been out a couple of weeks. Our three main daily newspapers have reviewed it and given it great reviews.

**Q You live in a place called Dun Loghaire?

A** Yes, it’s pronounced Dunleary. It’s the ferry port, so a lot of British people and holiday makers know it. If you come in a ferry from Hollyhead or Wales and if you’re coming on a driving holiday to Ireland you come to Dun Loghaire. It’s a Victorian town really, a little port about ten miles out of the city.

**Q Are you a local celebrity?

A** It’s funny, a lot of people know me – the book was reviewed in Saturday’s Irish Times, which is the paper and there was a very big photograph of me and I have been stunned…people who have never spoken to me before have been coming up to me and saying ’oh! I read about your book in the paper.’

**Q This is your fourth book, have any of the others gone to No 1 in Ireland?

A** No, they’ve been in the top five but this is the first that has gone to number one.

**Q Any thoughts on why this book has taken off?

A** I think the idea of a child disappearing is very compelling because it’s pretty much the worse thing that could ever happen. I think people are interested in the subject matter. It’s very hard to judge yourself. I’ve always tried with all my books to give them that on the edge of your seat quality, so that the reader is completely absorbed and wants to know what’s going to happen. It certainly seems that with the response I’m getting to this book, that it has worked like that. I think that must be it.

**Q Did you use the device of a missing child because it makes a compelling plot or was there some other reason?

A** It’s hard to put my finger on why, but usually when I’m writing a book by the time I’ve got to the end of it, I’ve begun to think well next, I’m going to do this. I think I found it so intriguing in a way and what I really wanted to do was to look at what can happen when a child goes missing. I didn’t immediately have a view as to what would happen. But…you know the Spanish painter Miro, they say he takes the line for a walk? In a way what I did was I took the story for a walk, and I wanted to take it to its conclusion and that was what I did.

**Q All your books have been psychological thrillers, is there a particular reason you are drawn to writing this kind of book?

A** The initial answer is ‘yes’ I did like reading them. I’ve always been a great Ruth Rendell fan. And love particularly Patricia Highsmith and P.D. James. I was very intrigued by them. I also really hate that snobby thing people have about thrillers. So when I started writing, I started going to a writers group. I was writing a book that was quite autobiographical and then I thought, this is so predictable, this is what everybody does, the first novel is about you and your family sort of thing and I thought I’d love to write something that was a complete work of fiction, and I got the idea for Mary, Mary my first book. I can’t understand how it happened, but it did and I thought ‘this is a fantastic idea, I have to write this.’

But since then I have begun to realise that…do you know the story about how my father was lost at sea? (Julie’s father, Andy Parsons, went missing at sea in the South Pacific in a marine mystery that has been likened to the Marie Celeste).

I think that in some ways on a deeper, emotional level, I have been trying to solve mysteries. It’s become very interesting to me to find out what happened. So in my own fiction I have been doing this, find out what happens in a way I can’t find out in my own life. I think there are huge echoes in all my books of the experience. In Mary, Mary there was the theme of the absent father which I wasn’t really conscious of until after I finished writing it and obviously, loss is a huge part of The Guilty Heart. It doesn’t surprise me now that I’m so interested in solving these mysteries, working out what is it that has happened and where the person has gone. How did it all happen? I think that ties in very much with my own experience.

**Q How old were you when your father went missing in 1955.

A** I was four, I was born in 1951.It’s my birthday in May and I will be fifty-two!

**Q Do you have any memory of the tragedy?

A** I don’t remember the day it happened. But I remember, when my mother realised my father wasn’t going to come back – it took a while to find the boat – the only thing she could do was take us back from western Samoa, where we were living at the time, to New Zealand. She sent my sister and brother, who were older, back by themselves. And took me with my little brother with her and all her belongings. I remember the trip back because there was a cyclone and a terrible storm, and I remember sitting in the cabin and my brother, who was 2, on his potty, sliding across the room. From one side to the other.

I remember a really strange sense of wonder. And occasionally the front door would open and you’d think ‘oh,it must be Daddy.’ Or you’d hear footsteps and you’d think ‘oh, Daddy’s coming back.’ I’d be coming home from school and I’d think, ‘Daddy will be there.’ But remember in those days people didn’t talk about things very much. If it happened now, there’d be an army of counsellors and therapists on your doorstep. In the fifties it was almost bad manners and you were expected to get on with your life. And that’s what my mother did. She was very brave. She survived it all and kept on going and it was just accepted that that was the way things were.

**Q How did you go from Ireland to New Zealand and then Samoa?

A** My parents emigrated from Ireland in 1947 after the war. My father was in the British army and was decorated and my mother was in the WRNS. Ireland then like the rest of Europe was a pretty miserable place. And they decided to leave and went to New Zealand. He worked as a doctor just outside Auckland and then he decided to go to Samoa to work in the hospital there and I think he thought it would be a further adventure to go off to this little island. So they went to Samoa and he was working for the government which was why he went on this boat to go to another island and why everything happened that happened.

**Q The disappearance of the boat, the Joyita, remains an unsolved mystery?

A** It does, completely. The boat was found but there was nobody on it. There’s never been a conclusive understanding of what actually happened. I think there were 25 people on the boat and there were children, a 10 and a 12 year old, islanders, so it was a tragedy that spread across the Pacific in many ways . Lots of people’s lives were touched by what happened.

**Q No trace of either the cargo and of anyone on board was ever found?

A** No, I presume that they unfortunately disappeared in the South Pacific which is really such a huge expanse of water that they were probably never going to be found.

**Q You were 12 years before your mother decided to return to Ireland?

A** She had to wait until my father was presumed dead because there was no body and in those days my father owned the house and the bank account and everything else, so she couldn’t sell the house until he was legally dead, so she had to wait for seven years. She went the High Court and they had him declared presumed dead and she decided to bring us all back over here.

**Q Going on the list of jobs you’ve held, it’s been a long and winding road to becoming a full time writer

A** Yes(laughing), it has.

**Q Was the desire to write always there?

A** Yes I was one of those kids who reads all the time and because I grew up in the days before television, I was a head in the book kind of kid. I always thought I was going to write a book and time passed and I didn’t. The older you get, your confidence drains away. You stand in the local bookshop and look at the bestsellers and think the world doesn’t need another writer and it certainly doesn’t need a mediocre writer. This isn’t going to happen to me. I had various stabs at writing short stories that didn’t work. I’m not good at them and eventually, urged on by a good friend I started going to a writer’s group. And that was the catalyst for me, it was fantastic.

I got a contract for Mary, Mary on the basis of a synopsis and three chapters. I got this great idea, going into work one day,. When I got to work I immediately jotted it down. And then I just thought, ‘this is good.’ So worked out the plot and wrote it in synopsis form and then wrote the three chapters and sent it to a local Irish publisher. I remember I wrote in my diary ‘sent stuff,’ thinking ‘give her a month.’ She phoned the next day and said I just read what you sent me and the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. Send me some more and if I like it I’ll send you a contract. And that was what happened. I mean the money was – it was like 3000 Irish pounds but I decided to take leave of absence from my job to write it. I was working as a television producer at the time, on a show called Check Up. It was a human interest show and we’d pick an illness of the week. But I knew I couldn’t write and work. So I got an unpaid leave of absence and my husband said, ‘do whatever you have to do.’ So I came home and got on with it and six months later, it was done.

**Q You must have been excited to get that response from a publisher?

A** I was, I couldn’t believe it . I was totally bowled over. You never really know – you think its great and you give it to a couple of other people to read and they say that’s very good, but you don’t really know. I was delighted, then when I finished it and my Irish publisher took it to Macmillan. They said they were going to take it to the Frankfurt Book Fair and sell the translation rights. I was completely astounded – couldn’t believe it. But they did. Mary, Mary was published in 17 countries.

**Q I loved your last book, Eager To Please, have the film rights been snapped up?

A** It has. It was optioned by an American production company and in fact they are just renewing for a third time. The script has been written and I’m expecting it to arrive in the post any minute. And Mary, Mary has been optioned as well for a TV series and the script has been written by the same people who wrote Ballykiss Angels.

**Q Outside of writing, your list of jobs included artist’s model – why does that always sound scandalous?

A** Well…you do stand up in front of people and take your clothes off. Initially when I started doing it, there was a sense of bravado. I could have got a job as a waitress, but I thought ‘oh, what the hell?’ I did it off and on for a quite a few years. In Dublin. And I lived in New Orleans for a year which was why I decided to set the beginning of The Guilty heart there. And I actually modelled at the art college where Nick does his classes so I know that place.

**Q Was there was particular reason why you chose to tell the story through Nick?

A** I wanted to see if I could do it. I was conscious that in the other books, the main characters had always been a woman. And I thought this would be interesting. But I wanted to look at the relationship between a father and child and I think that often fathers are dismissed in the parenting process, so I wanted to see what that would be like and see it from his point of view and make him a real father.

**Q I found Nick very believable – including his slinking off to have the affair?

A** The review in the IrishTimes said it was not a nice book but it was a good book. And of Nick, well he’s not a good person but a nice person. I was interested in Nick’s insertion into women’s society. Him being the one taking Owen to school and being a part of that Mum environment, I was intrigued by that…

**Q And the temptation that lurked there for a man like Nick in that situation?

A** Absolutely. The women would spoil him and make a fuss of him and there was a a sense that they had to be extra nice to him because ‘isn’t he lovely?’

**Q I also thought The Guilty Heart was about the impact of a tragedy on a marriage?

A** I did quite a lot of research about subject and one of the things people always say is that couples grieve differently and grieve at different times. The husband might be having a bad day and the wife might feel like she’s coping and can get on with it and doesn’t want to get dragged back into it. And then the next day she could be feeling totally unable to move. And he’s thinking I have to get on with my life. This is one of the things that is a real problem for people in that situation. That they go through their stages of grieving at a different pace. And in a different way and that’s what makes it really difficult because they can’t always be there for each other. They want to, but because they have to look after themselves as well they can’t be absorbed by their partner’s grief and their way of coping. Apparently people in situations like this do divorce and separate very frequently.

**Q The irony or perhaps tragedy of The Guilty Heart is that they were devoted, loving parents, yet they were still blind to some things that were going on in their child’s life?

A** Yes, I think that happens a lot. There is a level of understanding the way children express themselves that adults don’t get in some ways. They just don’t hear it. So although they do love Owen very much and he is the centre of their life, they really haven’t a clue what’s going on. Later they say they can see the signs, but at the time, they don’t get it at all.

**Q Do you have children?

A** Yes. Harriet, my 27 year old daughter and two step-children. Sara 32 and Paul 27.

**Q So you know that awful feeling of having a child disappear if only for a second?

A** I remember when Harriet was about 3 we went shopping in Dublin and there’s a street called Moore St., a market street, and we were walking along and I turned around and she was gone and I remember, I was rushing up and down and I ran up to a policeman and said ‘my daughter’s gone! I can’t find her!’ And we started back and I was calling and there she was, sitting on a footpath eating an apple, quite happily. And it was that terrible feeling you can’t make a fuss about it, but inside you’re terrified – those very conflicting emotions. But it always stuck with me that terrible moment when I couldn’t see her anywhere.

**Q People compare you to Minette Walters and Ruth Rendell, how do you feel about that?

A** I think it’s a huge compliment, I don’t mind at all. I think it’s great when people think you can aspire to being like people who are very, very successful and highly regarded.

**Q Your birth sign?

A** Taurus

**Q Favourite writer?

A** I love Nadine Gordimer. I’ve read all her books and go back and re-read her books periodically. And the other writer I love is Jane Austen. I think I read Pride and Prejudice every year, at some stage.

**Q How long have you been married?

A** Only for a year but John and I have been together for 17 years.

**Q Why get married after all that time?

A** For a long time divorce wasn’t legal in Ireland, not until about five years ago and John was married before so it wasn’t that straightforward but then he got a divorce. We waited a bit, it’s interesting when the divorce laws came in the general view was that there would be a rush for people to marry but that’s not what happened. People took a while. I think they weren’t quite sure it had happened and they waited…

**Q What work does your husband, John, do?

A** He’s a media consultant. Does a lot of training work. He’s an ex-radio producer.

**Q Do you still feel influence by your time spent in New Zealand?

A** I do – very, very much. I went back in 1999 for the first time since we left and it was an incredibly emotional experience. There was such an enormous contrast between NZ and Ireland. In the 1950’s NZ was a very open, secular society and Ireland in the fifties was completely closed, totally dominated by the Catholic Church and very poor. I always think of it as NZ was technicolour and Ireland was black and white. And it was a huge shock. Because our mother had always brought us up to think of ourselves as Irish. When we got here we realised that we weren’t at all. We didn’t speak like anyone else, or look like anyone else. We were used to running around barefoot in summer in our shorts and bathing suits. Which wasn’t really the Irish way, so I think I still have that big contrast. But I think really the biggest effect that living in NZ had for me was it made me very, very conscious of my senses. I grew up in this beautiful village by the sea. Much of our life was spent outside and I have this really strong sense of the feeling of the sun on my back. We’d be in and out of the sea all summer and you’d lick your arm and taste the salt. The feeling of the sand between your toes and that sort of thing. So when I’m writing, I try to get that strong, visceral sense and I try to put it into the writing because I really want people to physically experience what’s happening. And I think in many ways in my writing as been the big effect. I hope that the reader is drawn into the story and not just at an intellectual level, but at an emotional and sensual level too.

**Q Is your husband the first person to read your manuscript?

A** I still go to the writer’s group, so I read to them. But he is the first person who reads the whole thing. He’s very good. He will sit down for two days and read and it’s terrible, because I keep on looking at him and he’s very inscrutable, doesn’t give anything away and I go crazy and the worse thing is when he’s reading it in bed! And he has a pencil in his hand. And oh, I’m nearly dying! But his criticisms are always very valid. He usually says it’s absolutely fantastic but I think you need to look at this, this and this. And I go off and do that.

**Q You’re writing full time now?

A** Yes. When I got the commitment from Macmillan that they wanted to publish two more books, they gave me enough money so that I could give up work and I’ve never regretted it for a single minute.

**Q You’re very contented with your life and writing full-time?

A** Yes, I love it. You have days when you’re in despair and you think ‘I can’t do this!’ But no, I have realised that I like being on my own. I have a certain hermit quality, so I enjoy the process of sitting down by myself and doing it all by myself. When I was a TV producer it was so difficult having to have so many other people involved in everything you did. This way, you never have to go to the props department.

**Q Describe where you live?

A** In a terrace house, one of six built in 1803. They are among some of the oldest houses in Dun Loghaire. It’s a late Georgian house and I live just up from the harbour. Dun Loghaire is an old fashioned port with two long piers. The east Pier has the bandstand and respectable people there. The west Pier near me is where people walk their dogs and it’s much more wild and natural and it’s where I walk. It’s a small town, everyone knows everyone else. It’s lovely. My mother grew up here, a quarter of mile from where I live. My Grandfather was the Canon of the mariner’s Church, he was a Church of Ireland clergyman. When I was a child in NZ , every night my mother would tell us stories about when she was a little girl and so Dun Loghaire was almost a kind of magical place for me. So I’m really pleased I live here.

**Q Pets?

A** I have two cats, Oliver and Nelly. And they’re half brother and sister. Nelly is the eldest and an incredibly fierce hunter. Oliver, who is very beautiful is a neutered Tom. We have a house on an island, West Cork which is in the south west of the country and we go down there in the summer and we take the cats, which is great. Nelly loves it because she goes out and hunts. But Oliver gets quite nervous. I told the vet about it and he said ‘well, neutered Toms tend to introspection (laughing).’ And it’s an absolutely perfect description of Oliver. He looks worried. It’s a sort of pained expression.

**Q Outside of work, one of your interests is going to the island?

A** Yes, it’s called Sherkin Island. And we sail. My husband is a very keen sailor and he’s very interested in traditional boats, a kind of 19th century rig. And there’s quite a movement here to restore a lot of the Irish traditional boats which would have been fishing boats. So we sail a lot.

**Q Given your family history, aren’t you frightened of sailing?

A** I am and I’m not. I like the sea but I’m not mad about going outside of the sight of land. Sometimes I go out and I suddenly get the sense that there’s a big depth below me. I’m a fair weather sailor. I am fascinated by the sea. One of the things living near it, is that it’s always different. Every time I look at it I see something new. It’s always changing and I think that’s inspiring. It’s also very restful.

**Q It sounds like life has worked out very well for you?

A** It has – I have to touch wood. As I’m sitting here I’m touching my desk. I think one of the long lasting effects of having something happen to you, like what happened with my father where your life is transformed, is that there’s always a sense that it’s great today but be careful about tomorrow. It might not always be like this so don’t take anything for granted.

I do think I’m very lucky. There’s a lot of luck involved in publishing. There’s a lot of luck producing a book that someone wants at the right time.

So I think I am lucky. John says ‘don’t be ridiculous you’re very talented.’ And obviously (laughing), yes, I do have talent, but I’m modest enough I think, to know, that there are other people who are equally talented but just haven’t had the breaks I’ve had.

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Candle meditation

Try a Candle Meditation.

Gazing into a candle flame is a simple, effective way of quieting thoughts and focusing your mind.

  • Sit quietly at a table, and place a candle in a holder in front of you. Light it.

  • Look steadily at the candle, and take five deep breaths, one after the other. While you are doing so, look straight at the flame – note its colour, the shape, how it moves and flickers. Then gently close your eyes.

  • With your eyes closed, keep the image of the candle flame in your mind’s eye, still breathing in and out, and so releasing tension.

Colour therapists say you should choose colours to enhance your mood:

Pink Candle: if you’re seeking love

Orange Candle: if you want to get in the mood for a celebration

Yellow Candle: to encourage conversation

Green Candle: to restore harmony

Blue Candle: if you’re tense and need to calm down

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Video games for ADD

Video Games for Attention Deficit Disorder.

A new kind of video game, one with EEG (brain wave) biofeedback, is being used by psychologists to treat attention deficit disorder (ADD), a condition characterised by hyperactivity and poor concentration.

Patients have an electrode attached to their scalp, which is then connected with the computer; they play the game by using their brain waves only, not their hands. The longer they can stay focused, the more points they earn, which teaches them to control their own brain waves.

Although this work is only at a very early stage, results have been promising. In one study at Canada’s ADD Centre in Toronto, over 80 per cent of patients were able to discontinue their medications after just five months.

For more information, visit the Biofeedback Certification Institute of America, at www.bcia.org.

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