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Three wishes

We hope you enjoy this exclusive extract is from Three Wishes (Pan MacMillan Australia), by Liane Moriarty, our October Great Read.

It was a Wednesday night six weeks before Christmas. A nothing sort of night. An unassuming midweek night that should have vanished from their memories by Friday. ‘What did we do Wednesday?’ ‘I don’t know. Watch TV?’

That’s what they were doing. They were eating spaghetti and drinking red wine in front of the television. Cat was sitting cross-legged on the floor, with her back against the sofa, her plate on aher lap. Her husband Dan was sitting on the edge of the sofa, hunched over his dinner on the coffee table. It was the way they always ate dinner.

Dan had cooked the spaghetti, so it was hearty and bland. Cat was the more accomplished cook. Dan’s approach to cooking was somehow too functional. He stirred his ingredients as though he was sitting concrete, one arm wrapped around the bowl, the other stirring the gluggy mix so vigorously you could see his biceps working. ‘So what? Gets the job done.’

That Wednesday night Cat was feeling no specific emotion; not especially happy, not especially sad. It was strange afterwards, remembering how she sat there, shovelling Dan’s pasta into her mouth, so foolishly trusting of her life. She wanted to yell back at herself through time, ‘Concentrate!’

They were watching a show called Med School. It was a soapie about a group of very beautiful young medical students with shiny white teeth and complex love lives. Each episode featured a lot of blood and sex and anguish.

Cat and Dan shared a mild addiction to Med School. Whenever the plot took a new twist, they responded with loud enthusiasm, yelling at the television like children watching a pantomime: ‘Bastard!’ ‘Drop him!’ ‘It’s the wrong medication!’

This week Ellie (blonde, cutesy, cropped T-shirts) was in a state. She didn’t know whether to tell her boyfriend Pete (dark, brooding, abnormal abs) about her drunken infidelity with a guest-starring troublemaker.

‘Tell him, Ellie!’ said Cat to the television. ‘Pete will forgive you. He’ll understand!’

The ad break came on and a manic man in a yellow jacket bounced around a department store pointing an incredulous finger at the Christmas specials.

‘I booked that health and beauty thing today,’ said Cat, using Dan’s knee as a lever to help her reach over him for the pepper. ‘The woman had one of those gooey spiritual voices. I felt like I was getting a massage just making a booking.’

For Christmas she was giving her sisters (and herself) a weekend away at a health retreat in the Blue Mountains. The three of them would share an ‘exquisite experience’ of ‘indulgent pampering.’ They would be wrapped in seaweed, dunked in mud and slathered in vitamin-enriched creams. It would be extremely amusing.

She was pleased with herself for thinking of it. ‘What a clever idea!’ everyone would say on Christmas Day.

A health insurance ad came on television and Dan winced. ‘I hate this ad.’

‘It’s effective. You watch it more closely than any other ad on television.’

He closed his eyes and averted his head. ‘OK. I’m not looking, I’m not looking. Oh God. I can still hear that woman’s grating voice.’

Cat picked up the remote and turned up the volume.

‘Aaagh!’ He opened his eyes and grabbed the remote from her.

He was behaving perfectly normally. She remembered that afterwards and it made it worse, somehow. Every moment he behaved normally was part of the betrayal.

‘Shh. It’s back on.’

Ellie’s betrayed boyfriend Pete appeared on the screen, flexing his freakish abs. Ellie gave the TV audience guilty looks.

‘Tell him,’ Cat told her. ‘I’d want to know. I couldn’t stand not to know the truth. Better to tell him, Ellie.’

“You think so?’ said Dan

‘Yeah. Don’t you?’

‘I don’t know.’

There were no bells jangling a warning in Cat’s head. Not a single chime.

‘Cat,’ said Dan.

‘What?’

‘I need to tell you something.’

She snorted at his ponderous tone. ‘What? Have you done an Ellie? Have you been unfaithful to me?’ ‘Well. Yes.’

He looked as though he was going to be sick, and he wasn’t that great an actor.

Cat put down her fork. ‘This is a joke, right? You’re saying you’ve slept with someone else?’

‘Yes.’ Now his mouth was doing something strange. He looked like a guilty little boy caught doing something disgusting.

She picked up the remote and turned off the television. Her heart was thumping with fear but also a strangely urgent desire, a desire to know. It was the sick feeling of excited resistance at the very top of the rollercoaster – I don’t want to go hurtling over that precipice but I do, I do!

‘When?’ She still didn’t really believe it. She was half laughing. ‘Years ago, do you mean?’ When we first started going out? You don’t mean recently?’

‘About a month ago.’

‘What?’

‘It didn’t mean anything.’

‘Would you just start from the beginning please? When?’

‘One night.’

‘What night? Where was I?’ She fumbled through her mind for events over the last few weeks. ‘What night?’

She asked him questions and he answered them. ‘Where did she live?’ ‘How did you get home?’

He finished his story and Cat stared stupidly at him, waiting for it to hurt. All her muscles were tensed tight in anticipation of pain. It was like giving blood and waiting for the smiling doctor to find her vein.

‘What was her name?’ she said.

His eyes slid away. ‘Angela.’

Finally. An exquisite twist of her heart because this girl actually had a name and Dan knew her name.

‘It was nothing,’ he said. ‘It was just a stupid one-night stand.’

‘Don’t call it that!’

‘OK.’

‘This is all so tacky.’

He looked at her beseechingly.

‘You’ve got food on your face,’ she said savagely. His guilt was inflating her, making her powerful with righteousness.

She said, ‘Why are you telling me this now? Is it just to make you feel better?’

‘I don’t know. I kept changing my mind. And then you said you’d want to know the truth.’

‘I was talking to Ellie! I was watching television! I was eating dinner!’

‘So you didn’t mean it?’

‘For God’s sake. It’s too late now.’

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Q&a: Liane Moriarty

Exclusive interview with LIANE MORIARTY, author of the Great Read, THREE WISHES (Pan Macmillan Australia), in the October issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

**Q You have an unusual first name?

A** Mum read it in a book somewhere, I think it’s German.

**Q You have described yourself as an annoying little girl and said that friends had to hide their books when you arrived – did you hog them?

A** Yes and I wouldn’t talk to anybody. My mother got annoyed about that, too. I just sat there and read all day. You couldn’t get the book off me. Enid Blyton books in particular, this girl used to hide from me.

**Q. So you were a voracious reader from very early on?

A** Yes. I read till I’m ill – you know how you can read so much you get a headache. Just gobbling it up. I read like I eat, too much and too fast.

**Q. When did you write your first story?

A** I was 10. My first published story was Summer Is Coming and it appeared in the Sun Herald comics, and I remember my teacher telling me, “Liane, I saw your story in the paper at the weekend.” It was the most wonderful moment. Mum still has it and shows it to people. Still thinks it was the best thing I’ve ever written, like I peaked when I was 10! In sixth grade, we had a wonderful teacher every Friday afternoon. She’d give us a topic for creative writing and we’d write away. It’s hard to get back that unselfconscious way of writing. When you’re writing purely for the joy of writing. I don’t think I’ve got that back yet.

**Q. This teacher was obviously crucial in your development as a writer?

A** I think she was. I was worst in the class at gym, best in the class at writing.

**Q. Did you nurse an early ambition to write?

A** It definitely was an ambition. I remember thinking as a child you needed to be sensible and I remember writing, when asked, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up? A teacher.’ Then I put in little writing down the bottom, ‘Not really, I want to be a famous writer’. I don’t know why I couldn’t have said that.

**Q. You obviously didn’t think it was a legitimate occupation?

A** I must not have and it must have been something to do with me eventually going into copywriting and the marketing – telling people what they want to hear.

**Q. What do your parents do for a living?

A** Dad’s in mapping and surveying, Mum’s a mum.

**Q. She’d need to be with 6 children.

A** Yes and then she went onto foster 40 children. It’s short-term fostering.

**Q. Mostly babies?

A** Yes, she just loves babies, she did a lot of the pre-adoption babies. The mothers would get the chance to change their mind in that six week period. But there’s not so many adoptions happening nowadays so now it’s more where something’s happened or there’s a problem.

**Q. You must have had perpetual babies in the house?

A** We did. And now poor Mum still hasn’t got any grandchildren. Still has to keep going for the foster babies.

**Q. What impact did the fostering have on you growing up?

A** We loved the babies, but we were quite spoiled as we got the fun part. We got the cuddles and smiles, we didn’t get up at night for them. So we just enjoyed the babies. I think perhaps it did give us a realistic idea of what’s involved in having babies and perhaps that’s why(laughing) none of us have one. But we do love them. And we will have them.

**Q. You’re the eldest of six?

A** Yes, I have four sisters and one brother.

**Q. Did growing up in a big family equip you for going out in the world in any particular way?

A** It was great fun growing up with six children. My youngest sister, who is 21, has been saying things like I want to have six children. And we’ve said the fun part was for us, it wasn’t fun for Mum. There was always somebody to play with, but me being the eldest, I was used to people doing what I told them to do. So I think I was a manager of a team for a quite a while, so I’m quite a good manager. It’s interesting to me how only children work out who they are. Because growing up with so many sisters, it makes you realise somebody was the tidy one and somebody was the untidy one and we all enjoyed the differences. I enjoyed writing about that in the book – the roles that you play in the family

**Q. The triplets in your book were simply a device and not based on reality?

A** I really made the whole book up as I went along. That very first scene I just had three women, I didn’t even know they were going to be triplets and then all of a sudden they were. I’ve got a thing about twins and triplets. I’m really interested in them. If I meet one, I love to hear about them. There were triplets at school and I wasn’t good friends with any of them, but I watched them from afar. I can still see their faces in my mind. Especially identical twins, they really fascinate me. In fact I want to have twins. I should know better, but I’ve got this thing that I’d love to have twins.

**Q. Are there twins in the family?

A** No (laughing) there’s no reason in the family for me to have twins. I feel like if I talk about it a lot it might happen. Apparently though, as you get older, you’ve got higher chances of having twins. That’s why there’s more twins around now because we are all having babies much later.

**Q. Three Wishes was completed as a part of your Masters degree – what kind of story did you set out to write?

A** I don’t know that I did. You didn’t have to write a whole novel to finish your degree. You only had to write 30,000 words, so I was just being a show-off, really. I didn’t really plan anything. I just wrote as I went along. And I tried not to think too much about it so that I wouldn’t be overcome by fear.

**Q. Your relationship with your siblings provided a lot of material for Three Wishes?

A** Yes, certainly the way I interact with my sisters definitely influenced the book. I really enjoyed writing the dialogue between the sisters.

**Q. Their relationship was very real – it was rocky, alliances changed, and there were arguments. They weren’t like idyllic sisters who got on perfectly.

A** Exactly, although certainly I think because we’re not triplets, because we’re not the same age, there isn’t as much conflict as there was in the book. Now we’ve grown up, there’s no fighting over bathrooms or stuff like that. Whereas the Kettle girls are a little bit over the top and very, very close. We’re close, but we don’t fight much any more.

**Q. Was the famous birthday scene based on real life?

A** No. And the difference is that if it happened to us we’d be quietly vicious, we wouldn’t be loud.

**Q. Was knowing a literary agent because of your sister, who is a very successful children’s writer, a big help?

A** It’s definitely an advantage.

**Q. Was there a big waiting period to hear if the book was to be published?

A** I didn’t have to wait very long at all. It was a matter of weeks. Cate at Pan Macmillan read it over a weekend and made her offer on the Monday, so it all happened very quickly. I was lucky. The agent called half way through and left a message on the answering machine. She said she loved it and that I’d achieved something “really special”. I made my girlfriend listen it. I remember her standing there and grabbing my arm with excitement.

**Q. The title Three Wishes is based on the opening birthday celebration?

A** Yes and it also refers to what the three women want in their life – they’re all wishing for different things.

**Q. Is there anything else I should know?

A** I guess the only thing I was practising to say to you (giggling), was what I was trying to get across in the book was this idea of what makes you who you are. So there’s the whole nature versus nurture thing. Is it in your genes? Or your environment and that whole thing of your personality being formed by the time you’re seven or by the time you’re three. So I had things happening to the girls before they were seven. They are all affected by the divorce. And if that means that’s your personality settled by then, can you then change your personality? So I’ve got Lyn reading self-help books, but things obviously happen to you in later life, like Gemma being in an abusive relationship, or having a terrible secret, so how does that affect you? And also how you appear to other people, which is why I have those scenes of other people, strangers watching from afar and making their own observations. And the way you perform for others. And of course in relationships, the roles that you play. And how you get stuck being a certain sort of way in each new relationship.

**Q. Part of the Three Wishes is about divorce and the way it bruises children – is it based that on any real life event?

A** Only my own divorce. I was the only person I knew to get divorced, so I was very surprised. I think everybody was surprised. You’d think we wouldn’t be, with divorce so common.

**Q. When it happens to you, it is a shock.

A** That’s right, I still can’t quite believe it even when I say it. I never thought I would be the sort of person to say, ‘I got a divorce’.

**Q. I think, too, if you come from parents who have had a long, good marriage, your expectations are that you’ll have the same thing.

A** Yes, that’s right. And I think it did impact on my family too.

**Q. Are you still working as an advertising copywriter?

A** Yes. I keep thinking that I should start saying ‘no thank you’ to clients, but it seems like bad luck or who do I think I am? I will eventually, though, because I want to write the next one. I’m freelance and that’s why it’s hard because the work’s always been up and down and it goes against the grain to turn it down.

**Q. When did you begin working as a copywriter?

A** 1985. I was 18 and dreamy, and someone suggested I try it. I’d done a course and coming up with the creative idea that also benefits a product was something I understood – it appealed to me. I liked the marketing side and also being able to come up with something creative. I thought yes, I get that. Then I got more caught up with the business, I did a business degree with a marketing major. I got a bit corporate. I think I lost myself for a while – no, I didn’t. I just discovered another part of myself for a while.

**Q. Any well known ad campaigns you’ve been associated with?

A** No, I wish I could say I have. I remember I was at a dinner party one night and I mentioned an ad I’d worked on and a woman said, ‘I HATE that ad’. She didn’t seem to realise that that would be insulting. Most of the TV ads I’ve done were for a phone company which did really well as a company. In a way, it was too funny to be hurtful.

**Q. I imagine you’ve written about a lot of different products – you mention writing on the back of cereal boxes?

A** Yes and I’ve written about everything from cook-tops to cables, and some amazingly technical stuff about a tender for a Navy, for submarine stuff – didn’t understand a word, to furniture and beach holidays.

**Q. Are you still enjoying it?

A** I do. I still enjoy dealing with the client and having a project and then it’s done. When I went quiet for a couple of weeks, I went a bit nutty.

**Q. How old are you?

A** 36.

**Q. Did your sister, who is an author, inspire you?

A** Yes, when we were little we both wanted to write and she went ahead and did it! Wrote a book and had fantastic success with it. I was very proud of her, but also very envious. I think you think real people don’t actually write books. You dream about it, but that’s all. I’ve got a little circle of friends who are now all writing books, definitely thinking that if the Moriarty clan can write books, anybody can. Without them actually saying that, I think that’s what they’re thinking.

**Q. Any writers in your background?

A** Mum and Dad tell a good story and write funny letters and emails. They’re both taking credit for it. I think it does come from both of them. My grandma tells a lovely story and often writes down little stories.

**Q. Paternal or maternal?

A** Maternal. She’s 80.

**Q. How would you describe Three Wishes?

A** I think I’d say first of all it’s an easy, enjoyable read. I read very fast and I think as a result I’ve written a book that people read very quickly. And, hopefully, it’s a book they can’t put down. That’s the comment I’ve loved hearing most from friends. The sort of books that I like to read are the ones that are funny and touching. That odd cliché, it makes you laugh and it makes you cry.

**Q. How would you classify the book?

A** Originally, I would have said chick lit with grit, but my publisher said chick lit has become a brand, normally by a UK writer about a single girl finding love, so I stopped calling it chick lit and she said to call it women’s fiction.

**Q. Education?

A** Went to Mt Benedict High School, Pennant Hills, did my degree at UTS and my Masters at Macquarie University.

**Q. Do you have a partner?

A** Yes. I was married for four years, so I have a divorce in the background. And I’ve been with my partner for coming up to three years.

**Q. What does he do?

A** He works in IT. And he says he’s going to write a book now, too.

**Q. His name?

A** Eric.

**Q. Star sign?

A** Scorpio.

**Q. Nominate a couple of writers you really like?

A** Anne Tyler. Carol Shields.

**Q. When you’re not writing you’re…

A** Reading in the bath or eating.

**Q. What really annoys you?

A** People fast forwarding the previews when you’re watching a video. I love the previews.

**Q. Favourite movie?

A** Bread and Tulips

**Q. Describe yourself in three words?

A** Untidy, self-indulgent, neurotic.

**Q. Other interests?

A** Snow skiing. I love snorkelling, but my boyfriend’s into scuba diving, so if the relationship is going to continue I’m going to have to learn to scuba dive.

**Q. And he’s going to have to learn to enjoy snorkelling.

A** Yes, that’s true. We live by the sea in Sydney, it’s right outside our front door, so we can go snorkelling easily. And bushwalking, I love going for walks.

**Q. You sound contented with your life at the moment.

A** I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been. For a while there all I wanted was boy, book, baby. The three B’s. But no, I’m very, very happy, I’ve got the two out of the three B’s. And that’s pretty good.

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2004 diary

Get your new Women's Health Diary and help save lives.

Get your new Women’s Health Diary and help save lives. Anyone familiar with The Australian Women’s Health Diary will know what an invaluable resource it is: jam-packed with up-to-the-minute health information for you and your family, the diary is also the major fundraiser for the Breast Cancer Institute of Australia. Produced by a small team at The Weekly, the diary costs only $12.95 and all the money from sales goes to research into a cure, prevention and better treatments for breast cancer. Since the first one was published in 1999, the diary has raised more than $1.6 million for breast cancer research. Available now at newsagents and most Woolworths supermarkets nationally, or by calling 1800 423 444. A great cause. A great diary.

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Seeking help for anorexia

This extract is taken from The Australian Women's Weekly health series Eating Disorders book.

This extract is taken from The Australian Women’s Weekly health series Eating Disorders book. People with an eating disorder can spend a lot of time trying to convince themselves that they do not really have a problem and are most certainly not in need of professional help. A significant point in the process of getting over an eating disorder is acknowledging the extent of the problem, becoming committed to making change happen and accepting help from others to ensure the process will be successful. Seeing a Dietitian This is one of the many forms of therapy and support available. Professional dietary assessment, counselling and advice is an essential part of the treatment of eating disorders. If possible, find a dietitian experienced in working with eating disorders as he or she will have a better understanding of the specific difficulties and fears you are likely to be facing. A dietitian can help you establish a healthy eating pattern and stable weight. You should be able to negotiate a weight range that is acceptable while also healthy, and a new eating pattern that can stabilise your weight in that range. In other words, the dietitian is not there to make you fat but to help you eat normally and be able to maintain your weight at a stable level without resorting to obsessional and self-defeating methods of self-control. Even if you consider yourself to be an expert on food you will benefit from seeing a dietitian with specialised knowledge of eating disorders.

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Postcard from byron bay 2003

The 2003 Byron Bay Writers Festival was another fabulous success with a record crowd of 20,000 plus, converging on the wildly beautiful North Coast town.

Bar the arctic freeze which gripped opening night festivities, visitors lapped up a mid-winter dose of Byron’s blazing blue skies and warm sun. A few people went for a swim. Whales were spotted. Gossip and passion – as in lively discussion and debate – flowed as freely as the white wine. And former PM Malcolm Fraser and his wife Tammy, who were guests of the festival, stayed on afterwards to enjoy the local golf courses.

The Australian Women’s Weekly was a major sponsor of the Byron Bay Writers Festival for the third year in a row and launched The Australian Women’s Weekly/Dilmah Short Story Contest at the opening night dinner (for more information see a special section in another part of The AWW Book Club).

There were bucket-loads of famous writers: playwright David Williamson and his wife Kristin, Peter Singer, Norma Khouri, Peter FitzSimons, Susan Mitchell, Garry Disher, Hanifa Deen, Sarah MacDonald, David Leser, Martin Flanagan, Thea Astley, Tim Flannery, Paul Jennings, Christopher Kremmer, Mungo MacCallum and Di Morrissey, among them.

For those who couldn’t make it to Byron Bay, here are a few snippets:

  • The audience was stunned to hear Norma Khouri (Forbidden Love) reveal that a fatwa has been taken out on her by the Jordanian government.

  • Di Morrissey, in a session about Broome as an inspiration for writers, told how one of her first connections with the WA coastal town was when she came across a strand of lustrous Broome pearls in a shop. Di asked the assistant how many books she’d have to sell to buy them, who replied: “Four hundred … thousand.”

  • Seen at Di Morrissey’s Friday night cocktail party, Tammy Fraser whistling softly for Malcolm to follow her through a crowd.

  • Who was the Melbourne writer who went for a skinny dip, only to come out of the water to find his clothes ‘stolen’ by a practical joker?

  • In the session titled Biography: Other People’s Lives, Peter FitzSimons and Susan Mitchell swapped notes about the perils of writing about “very high profile people” with “high self-esteem.” Peter admitted that such was her displeasure with the finished book, one of his subjects hadn’t turned up at the book launch. Susan topped that by admitting she hadn’t even been invited to the launch of a book she had written about a famous person.

  • David Williamson on working with Madonna on his play Up For Grabs, in London: “She’s interesting, intelligent and very forceful. She likes to get her own way. Madonna hasn’t got to where she is by being a wilting flower. We had some tussles … and I lost them.”

  • David Williamson to his wife Kristin, as he was getting dressed to take part in a session titled Approaching The Big Issues with an Inquiring Mind? “What does someone with big ideas wear?”

  • Susan Mitchell revealed that she is writing a book about the Snowtown murders, in a similar style to Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil.

  • Malcolm Fraser, quoting his famous quote in full: “Life wasn’t meant to be easy, but take courage child, it can be delightful.” Mathuselah.

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September 2003 book reviews

The Romantic, by Barbara Gowdy

Flamingo, $27.95.

A sad but beautiful story by an intoxicating writer. The heroine is lonely 10-year-old Louise, who fantasises about having another family after the loss of her mother. Louise falls in love with her neighbour, an exotic Mrs Richter, then finds herself drawn to her brilliant son, Abel. But her first love in all its glorious intensity is doomed when Louise is unable to rescue Abel from his self-destructive tendencies.

Remember Me, by Lesley Pearse

Michael Joseph, $19.95.

Based on the true story of a convict with the First Fleet, in which the appallingly brutal conditions of the prison hulks and the ships that brought the early settlers are re-created. The central character, Mary Broad, is a survivor and her trials as well as friendships forged during life in early Sydney and during her daring and dangerous escape are an ode to the determination of the human spirit over insurmountable odds.

The Alphabet of Light and Dark, by Danielle Wood,

Allen & Unwin, $21.95.

Essie discovers significant items in a sea chest: a small coin in an oyster, a carved coconut and a picture of a little girl leaning against a dinghy. Recalling her lighthouse-keeper grandfather’s tales, she returns to Bruny Island, explores the past, writes the story of her great Aunt Alva and renews a friendship with a sculptor. A lyrical debut novel by a talented Australian who won the Vogel Award with this book.

Lorelei’s Secret, by Carolyn Parkhurst,

Sceptre, $29.95.

Paul has to come to terms with the death of his wife, Lexy, who fell from the top of an apple tree. There were no witnesses other than her dog, Lorelei. Paul feels there is more behind the accident and there are some unusual hints that he might be right. This is not a murder mystery, but more a love story of the couple’s meeting and recollected life with all its highs and lows. A beautifully written tale in which the part played by the loyal Lorelei is logical, loving and gratifyingly unsentimental.

Bare Bones, by Kathy Reichs,

Random House, $45.

A surfeit of body bones is putting paid to Temperance Brennan’s longed-for holiday during an overly hot North Carolina summer. The links between a dead baby, a plane crash and its mystery load, and a cache of human and animal bones in a remote farmhouse are woven into a deadly threat, not only to the forensic scientist, but to those whom she loves most. A train of heart-stopping twists and turns, prove once again that Reichs is a masterly suspense writer.

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Love begins with an a

Our September Great Read, Love beings With An A is a warm, funny and sassy story about what a woman will do for love. In this remarkably assured debut novel by Melbourne writer, Jeana Vithoulkas, twenty-something lawyer, Fiore, is looking for a man. But not just any man. He must be a good dancer, politically aware, articulate with a serious heart to boot. Fiore can’t find him, so she goes to Greece instead.

Nick was with my sisters and me one cold winter night when we went to see 1900 for the first time. It was freezing in the cinema and we sat huddled together with our coats over us to keep warm. In among the sea of emotions we experienced watching the film, Elendina fell in love with a hat worn by Dominique Sanda. Elendina makes clothes and hats and bags, and would probably make shoes if she had the equipment. She takes her inspiration from movies, and that night, between weeping for the old women being killed by the fascists in the rain and cheering when Donald Sutherland was mauled by the peasants, she lusted after that hat. She sketched it roughly in the interval and made it for me afterwards. She made me others as well, including one inspired by Howards End. The Mary Poppins one, as Nick called it.

I told him I was grateful for his advice but wasn’t sure how interested I was in Bruce. ‘He looks bored in my company and I don’t really know why he’s asked me out,’ I said.

Nick looked at me as if I were mad. ‘Well, give the guy a chance. He might be nervous.’ Nick had complained before that my standards in men were too high, but then he’d tell me not to settle for second best. ‘It might surprise you, Fiore, but not a lot of people feel passionate about the Irish question. Or know much about Ugandan musicians living in Belgium.’

Nick was more excited about my date with Bruce. He told everyone at work. He told his friends. He told his neighbour. He even told one of his clients. For months afterwards, I saw people who would ask me, ‘I heard you were going out with Bruce Stewart. Is it true?’

A good friend who loved me to bits, Nick wanted me to be happy. He was always on the lookout for a decent man who might be of interest to me. But given that he was gay he didn’t run into a lot of straight men socially. And when he did, they weren’t always too sure they were straight. He gave me advice, often contradictory, about how to have better success with men.

‘The thing is, Fiore, you intimidate a lot of men. I’ve seen them trying to impress you with something, and if you’re not interested you look bored. Or worse, you get up and leave. Not exactly encouraging. Men have fragile egos.’

‘Why should I act interested in something if I’m not? It’ll just give the wrong impression.’

My boss Victoria was a woman who never gave any man the wrong impression by looking interested. Although she had a man, you’d be forgiven for thinking she could easily have done without. She made it clear she preferred women to men and never missed an opportunity to point out the latter’s inadequacies. Men were a necessary but often irritating fact of life. It was hard to disagree with her, but I marvelled at how she never let her feelings interfere in her unwavering mission to fight sexual inequality wherever she found it. She was a professional woman with very firm views about the salvation of the female sex through work, and she did her best to promote young women who were prepared to put in the hard yards.

‘He looks like a drugged-out boy who hasn’t washed for a week,’ Victoria said when Nick showed her a photo of Bruce in a music magazine. She shook her head in disapproval. She never seemed to be moved by men physically. It just never figured in her approach to them. They didn’t have that sort of power over her at all. I understood it, but thought it rather strange.

‘Don’t you find any man attractive, Vic?’ I asked.

‘Why should I be attracted to a member of the sex that starts wars, rapes women, kills their wives and destroys the planet?’

‘Well, I’ll just go and organise my sex change,’ Nick said sarcastically.

‘Haven’t you ever felt something that you can’t control?’ I asked her. ‘You know, looked across a room and seen someone and your knees weaken –‘ This was the wrong word to use with Victoria.

‘No,’ she said firmly.

In a way I envied her and wished I could be more like her. I could have avoided a lot of dramas in my life and saved my tears for worthier causes.

‘Don’t you ever just crave sex?’ Nick asked.

‘Well, my sexual urges do no translate into a quest for power over everything. And I think all this business about the natural rampant sexuality of men is total crap, a convenient excuse for their obsession with their dicks. For heaven’s sake, why can’t they learn to deal with their infantile urges in a mature way?’

Victorias was absolutely right, but when I fall in love I find it very hard to remember all the terrible things men have done to the world. Perhaps that’s the point. Love makes you weak, blurs your judgement, and is an unreliable indicator of a good relationship. Mihalis was the first man I fell in love with – he was handsome and political and could sing with a voice that made me want to cut my heart out and give it to him on a plate. And he turned out to be a womaniser. Definitely not relationship material. Victoria, despite her intense feminism, shared my parents’ belief that people should be partnered according to the compatibility of their family, education and cultural values; a system where romantic love is not a priority. This might sound like a logical way to organise your life, but in the meantime, what do you do with your heart?

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Knitted pompom hat

We give you a range of gorgeous handmade gifts to make for baby – from a cute knitted hat with pompom trim to a wrist rattle (designed to amuse a little one on the go) and a fabulous playmat.

Materials

4ply baby yarn (25g balls): 1 ball each lemon (MC), mint (C1) and lilac (C2)

One pair each 2.75mm and 3.25mm knitting needles

Tapestry needle

Measurements

To fit: 3 (6, 12, 24) mths. Fits head: 40 (45, 48, 51) cm.

Abbreviations

K: knit; patt: pattern;P: purl; rep: repeat; st/s:stitch/es.

Tension

32 sts and 42 rows to 10cm over patt, using 3.25mm needles.

HAT

Using 2.75mm needles and MC, cast on 122 (134, 146, 158) sts. Work 22 rows stocking st (1 row K, 1 row P). Change to 3.25mm needles.

Beg patt. 1st and 3rd sizes only. Using C1, 1st row. Knit.

2nd row. K5, P4, K8, P4; rep from to last 5 sts, K5.

3rd row. P5, K4, P8, K4; rep from to last 5 sts, P5.

Rep 2nd and 3rd rows once, then 2nd row once.

All sizes. (This is the 7th row for 1st and 3rd sizes, but 1st row for 2nd and 4th sizes). Using C2, 7th row. Knit.

8th row. P3, K8, P4, K8, P4; rep from to last 11 sts, K9, P3.

9th row. K3, P8, K4, P8, K4; rep from to last 11 sts, P8, K3.

Rep 8th and 9th rows once, then 8th row once.

Note. For all sizes, return to1st row as given for 1st and 3rd sizes for patt.

Using MC, rep rows 1 to 6 incl once.

Using C1, rep rows 7 to 12 incl once.

Using C2, rep rows 1 to 6 incl once.

2nd, 3rd and 4th sizes only. Using MC, rep rows 7 to 12 incl once.

3rd and 4th sizes only. Using C1, rep rows 1 to 6 incl once.

4th size only. Using C2, rep rows 7 to 12 incl once.

All sizes. Shape crown. Using MC (C2, C2, C1),1st row. K3, K2tog, K4, K2tog; rep from to last 3 sts, K3…102 (112, 122, 132) sts.

2nd row. P3, K6, P4, K6; rep from to last 3 sts, P3.

3rd row. K3, P6, K4, P6; rep from to last 3 sts, K3.

Rep 2nd and 3rd rows once, then 2nd row once.

Using C1 (MC, MC, C2), 7th row. K2, K3, K2tog; rep from to end … 82 (90, 98, 106) sts.

8th row. K3, P3, K5, P3; rep from to last 4 sts, K4.

9th row.P4, K3, P5, K3; rep from to last 3 sts, P3. Rep 8th and 9th rows once, then 8th row once.

Using C2 (C1, C1, MC), 13th row. K1, K2tog, K2, K2tog; rep from to last 3 sts, K3 … 62 (68, 74, 80) sts.

14th row. P2, K4, P2; rep from to end.

15th row. K2, P4, K2; rep from to end.

Rep 14th and 15th rows once, then 14th row once.

19th row. K2tog, all across … 31 (34, 37,40) sts.

Break off yarn, run end through rem sts, draw up and fasten off securely.

Pompoms

Make three small pompoms, once in each colour yarn and attach to the crown with a length of twisted yarn.

To make up

Join seam, noting to reverse seam for first 12 rows of stocking st. Allow stocking st to roll onto right side of hat to form purl fabric brim.

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Wrist rattle

We present a range of gorgeous handmade gifts to make for baby -from a cute knitted hat with pompom trim to a wrist rattle (designed to amuse a little one the go) and a fabulous playmat.

Click here for pattern

Materials

Scraps of pink and purple felt

Water soluble pen

Stranded embroidery thread in pink, black and blue

Thread

Three bells (available from craft stores)

Two small Velcro squares or dots

Method Using pinking shears, cut two 7cm diameter felt circles (one pink and one purple) and two 16cm x 3cm strips of purple felt. Trace the pig face pattern and cut it out from pink felt.

Stitch it to a purple felt circle. Draw your face details using the water-soluble pen and embroider in the colours (see our pattern). Using backstitch for the lines and satin stitch for the fill-in areas.

Stitch the felt circles together securely around the edges, with the wrong sides facing, leaving a small opening. Insert the bells and stitch the opening closed.

Place the two strips of felt together and stitch around the edges to make the wrist strap.

Stitch the embroidered circle onto the centre of the wrist strap.

Stitch the Velcro dots to the ends of the straps to they will hold them securely in place.

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Touch and feel playmat

We present a range of gorgeous handmade gifts to make for baby -from a cute knitted hat with pompom trim to a wrist rattle (designed to amuse a little one the go) and a fabulous playmat.

Materials 2.3m x 90cm wide felt (purple)

1.2m x 90cm wide thin wadding

15 x 90cm lengths of ribbon or ric-rac braid in various colours and widths

Fabric scraps of fake fur, felt, cotton, corduroy and suede fabrics (or your own scraps)

Lace motifs

Matching and contrasting threads

Non-toxic fabric glue

Finished size: 15cm x 85cm

Method Prepare appliques:

(Use the colours desired, we have listed our colours to assist you with assembly.)

Cut three 7cm x 4.5cm rectangles of cotton and stitch them in the centre of three 14cm diameter circles of pink felt. Take two of the circles and stitch them onto two 25cm squares of fur fabric. Cut three 9cm diameter orange felt circles and stitch lace motifs on two pieces and a 6cm x 5cm suede rectangle on the other. Cut two 15cm squares of yellow felt and two 15cm squares of orange felt (cut these squares in half to form four triangles).

Cut three plain and or patterned fabric 10cm diameter circles and stitch them in the centre of three 15cm squares of green felt.

Assembling the mat:

Cut two 117cm x 78cm rectangles of purple felt. Cut a piece of wadding the same size.

Place your appliques on the top of one of the pieces of purple felt and arrange them following our photograph or as desired. (Allow room for placing lengths of ribbons and braids between each line of appliques). Stitch them in place then stitch on the ribbon and braid trims.

Place the wadding on the top of the appliques, then place the remaining rectangle of purple felt on top. Pin then stitch around the edge leaving a 10cm opening in one side. Trim and clip your seams, cutting into the corners. Turn your mat out to the right side and slipstitch the opening closed.

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