Ever since I was a little girl I’ve dreamt of meeting the man of my dreams and having four children. When I met Nathan through my work he was everything I wanted – funny, intelligent, sophisticated. But most of all, he wanted me too.
Nathan and I had been dating for three years, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. On the other hand, he didn’t really want to make a commitment.
When I’d even talk about friends who had children, he would change the subject. He’d even complain if they brought their kids with them when they visited us.
One evening I overheard a conversation between Nathan and a friend whose girlfriend was pregnant. When he got off the phone, I found out that Nathan’s friend was planning to propose to his girlfriend.
“He feels obliged to do it, I guess,” Nathan shrugged.
I had an idea. If I pretended to be pregnant as well, Nathan would propose. Then after we were married, I could “miscarry” the baby. By that time we’d be closer and Nathan would be willing to begin a family of our own.
Over dinner a few weeks later, I built up the courage and told Nathan, finally, that I had something very important to tell him.
“I’m pregnant,” I said, voice breaking with put-on emotion.
Nathan glared at me and asked, “Are you sure?”
I nodded.
“It can’t be mine,” he said. “Have you been seeing someone else?”
I was shocked that he was accusing me of having cheated. I couldn’t help but scream at him, saying that I’d never do that and I was offended he’d even dare to suggest it.
“That’s what I thought,” Nathan replied. “But I’ve only recently found out I’m infertile. I was trying to find the right moment to tell you … and I guess this was perfect.”
Stunned, I tried to explain, but Nathan just wouldn’t listen. He stormed out of the house.
Next day, when he came to collect his things, I pleaded with him to stay with me, apologising over and over.
Nathan shook his head in disgust and took out a small box from his pocket. It was a ring. He had secretly been planning to pop the question to me after he’d told me the painful truth about his infertility.
As Nathan turned to leave, his last words were, “I can’t believe you would lie to me.”
A year later, I still haven’t recovered. Nathan left our work and I’ve only seen him once since then. He’s never told any of our friends what I did.
I’m so completely ashamed of my actions. More than ever, all I want is him.
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