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A lesson for the teacher

Rearing a child alone is no easy task. By the time my daughter reached school age, I realised I had to find a way to earn a decent living, so I returned to university to gain a teaching qualification.

As part of the course I was placed for a number of weeks at a secondary school. This was my first full-time, although unpaid, work experience for a few years and I revelled in the challenge, stimulation and social atmosphere of the school.

I quickly developed a crush on my supervisor, Tony. An older man, he had the air of a world-weary academic — intellectual and wise. I loved the way he taught his students. He obviously cared about them and his film classes were informative and fun. “Is he married?” I asked myself, although I knew our student/supervisor relationship forbade the possibility of anything extracurricular.

As the weeks wore on, we spent much time together discussing lesson plans, film-making and, endlessly, the state of education, as we shared a latte at lunch. As he puffed away on his movie mogul’s cigar, his attitude towards me was nothing but professional, so I resigned myself to unrequited love.

Meanwhile I had noticed the Information Technology teacher, Matthew, who was a positive and friendly man. His marriage was breaking up and physically he looked exhausted and out of shape. As much as I liked him, I was wary of ‘rebound’ guys, so I continued fretting for Tony.

Finally my time was up at the school and I said goodbye to both Matthew and Tony. In my haste I left my wallet behind at the final drinks after school. Later that night the telephone rang. It was Matthew; he had found my wallet and offered to bring it over. He stayed for drinks and we shared a fun evening together. He was interesting and smart with a great sense of humour. We kissed goodnight and made plans for another get-together. This unexpected turn of events had still not affected my feelings for Tony. In an unusual burst of bravado I e-mailed Tony to see if we could get together now my placement was over. His response was cool and detached.

With no interest there, I continued seeing Matthew. He seemed to love coming to my place and cooking for me; each week the recipes were more elaborate. I enjoyed it but wondered why he did not invite me on a proper date. “It’s too difficult for you to get a babysitter”, he said.

After a while a much warmer e-mail returned from Tony. “How about dinner?” he said. The thought of going out excited me. Although I realised Matthew probably would not be happy, I accepted and had a beautiful evening at a cosy local bistro.

Both men had custody of their children every second weekend, which meant we only made plans on a fortnightly basis. For about six months I had home-cooked meals with Matthew one weekend and fine wining-and-dining with Tony the other. In a strange way both men satisfied my social needs.

I liked them both very much and felt torn, as I could not decide between the two. Matthew was now back in shape and healthier and more active than ever, but his homebody attitude was a concern. After many years spent at home alone I found the social whirl of the two suitors truly exciting.

Eventually a decision had to be made. As much as I liked Matthew, I found his unwillingness to go out a sore point. When I broached the issue, he asked me if we went out would we go ‘Dutch’?

That was the turning point. I made the break and gave the relationship with Tony a real go. After a couple of months he was no longer so keen to go out and started to take up residence on my couch. I found the neverending conversations about school a bore and the cigar smoke started to offend. I lost interest quickly. On one of our final evenings together he told me in passing how Matthew was about to set up house with his new girlfriend.

In that moment my feelings finally clarified. I no longer cared for Tony and desperately wanted Matthew and his home-cooked meals and fun personality back. I sent off a tentative e-mail to enquire about his wellbeing. He never responded.

I guess he is happy. That was a few years ago now. I missed Matthew terribly and have never had strong feelings for another man. I realised Matthew was looking for a partner in a happy home life and I could not see his many qualities because of the good times offered by Tony. When Tony and I finally spent time at home together, the relationship lost its sparkle.

The lesson for this teacher? To focus on one subject at a time. The irony is that I was the person hurt most by my two-timing. Since then I have devoted myself to my child and have never felt the urge to risk love again.

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Mary watch

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Sleep apnoea

Sleep apnoea

Picture posed by model

Marion Weatherburn says she was “just so debilitatingly tired” and growing more and more tired seemingly every day.

Although there were obvious reasons for her fatigue (running a household with a husband and two children and working), one day about eight years ago, she knew “it wasn’t right or normal tiredness”.

“Then I actually fell asleep while I was driving,” she says. “I was driving home from work one day. One eye closed, then the other … but then I caught myself in time. I didn’t have an accident or anything, but it scared me, so I made an appointment to go to see the doctor.” **

Her doctor referred Marion — a Perth-based office worker and mother of two children, Ryan, 13 and Jesse, 11 — to a specialist, who conducted a sleep study.

“I was in hospital overnight, where they monitor your brain, breathing, snoring and leg movement,” she explains. “And my results showed I stopped breathing 37 times an hour.”

Marion was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnoea, a condition in which breathing is temporarily interrupted during sleep. This not only disrupts sleep, but also starves the body of vital oxygen.

Sleep apnoea is more commonly associated with men and being overweight, but Marion is neither of these!

“It’s very unusual for someone like me to have sleep apnoea,” she says. “Which just goes to show it’s something women should be more aware of. I think that women tend to put tiredness down to other, day-to-day things. But if you think you’re overtired, consult a doctor and ask about a sleep study.”

Marion’s treatment involves the use of what’s called a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine, a pump that blows air through a mask worn over the nose while she sleeps.

“There are other treatment options — including a mouthguard or sometimes surgery — but this is what’s working for me,” she says. “I noticed a big difference after only two or three days.

“Now, if I don’t use it, for any reason, I’m a zombie … the crankiest, tiredest woman around! But when I do, I feel alive and have energy.

“So if you think you’re more tired than you should be, talk to your doctor, because it could well be treated.”

For more information, contact Sleep Disorders Australia: (02) 9990 3514 or e-mail: [email protected]

**

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Over-plucked eyebrows

Question:

For eyebrows that have been over-plucked, what options are available to fix the problem other than tattooing?

Vivian Thai

Answer:

Investing in a great eyebrow kit which contains a powder and cream eye-shadow and a pencil is one solution. Laura Mercier has a great kit, which is available at David Jones. I would also suggest that you visit your Estée Lauder counter, where they have a special brow specialist who will be able to help you create the perfect brow shape for your face.

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Princess Mary’s beauty secrets

Woman’s Day beauty editor Mary Zavaglia headed to Denmark to interview ‘facialist to the stars’ Ole Henriksen, the LA-based Dane who advises Mary on skincare, and Soren Hedegaard, the Princess’s personal make-up artist.

Ole Henriksen is the man responsible for Princess Mary’s healthy, glowing complexion.

His products are delivered to the Palace, and when Ole is in Denmark for his numerous TV appearances he is invited there to meet with the Princess. Now he shares his special skincare tips with us …

What do you love most about Princess Mary?

I love her natural beauty, and that is what all Danes love about her. They are into a natural look, more so than other parts of the world.

For example, Princess Mary invited me to lunch ? and she greeted me totally free of make-up, totally groomed, perfectly shaped eyebrows, stunning eyes, beautiful skin, gorgeous, freshly shampooed hair that moves … Everything was about romance and naturalness.

Her body language was very feminine ? the way she draped her body on the sofa. She always has eye contact and she spoke only in Danish ? fluently, with no ifs or buts. She speaks beautifully, and you sense she cares about people in her path. The staff love her, too.

When I walked around the Palace with Princess Mary, she wore high heels and was dressed in a beautiful velvet tuxedo. With her fashion sense and her perfect figure, she is the Danish fashion ambassador.

How often do you go to the Palace?

I can’t really divulge too much, but I am invited soon as Princess Mary wants to say thank you for the way her skin looks. She has told me that she has never received so many compliments on her complexion.

You must be proud that her skin looks so good …

When I have a happy customer, whether it is her or anyone else, I feel fantastic. But I also believe Princess Mary has a glowing complexion because she is in love!

Ole, what are your skincare principles?

Keep it simple ? less is more. I advise my clients to use products with high concentrations of antioxidants and natural active ingredients, which results in firmer, smoother, even-pigmented skin.

I also believe in stimulating the skin with refreshing water, rinseable cleansers and scrubs. Lastly, use a daily moisturiser and eye cream.

And what are your top five products?

  1. Ole Henriksen Pure Perfection Anti-Aging Creme, 57g, $99.

  2. Ole Henriksen Truth Serum Collagen Booster, 30ml, $82.

  3. Ole Henriksen Invigorating Night Gel ? Firming Treatment, $69.

  4. Ole Henriksen Sheer Transformation ? Renewing Creme, $58.

  5. Ole Henriksen Ultimate Lift Eye Gel, $85.

Tell us about your book, which has just come out in Denmark.

It is about living in the moment and how to stay in touch with your senses. I cover the topics of wellness, including diet, exercise and keeping your life simple. This is my first book and I am happy to say it will be translated into English and next launched in Australia.

You travel a lot. Any travel tips for us?

Yes. I always bring my own food on board ? I think plane food drags you down and makes you feel tired. I slather my hands with hand cream that has a rosemary aroma, which is very uplifting. I also use my Blackcurrant Complexion Oil, which gives skin a beautiful gloss. And my Fresh Lips is a must-have. It stops chapping and drying of the lips.

Would you consider doing a kids’ range?

Definitely. Parents ask, “What can I use from your range for my children?” I suggest the Clarifying Body Wash, as it is 100 percent soft and soothing ? and my Lavender Body Oil, which can be used on rashes.

Have you bought a gift for Prince Christian?

Yes, I have bought a fun swimsuit and of course I will bring the Princess a copy of my book!

Is Mary in your book?

No, I did not take such a liberty as to ask her. I respect her desire for privacy. But she is a very available person with a great memory of places and people.

Who would have thought? She met this guy and a few years later she’s a Princess. And this is the oldest monarchy in the world. She’s part of an amazing history.

When I met her last time, she was about to meet President Bush, but that’s just like another person. I mean, for her now, if it isn’t Queen Elizabeth, it’s President Bush or whoever!

Mary watch

As well as weekly coverage in Woman’s Day magazine, there will also be regular Mary updates on our website throughout the week, so check back regularly for the latest on all things Mary!

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Princess Mary’s beauty secrets: make-up tips

Mary’s favourite make-up artist Soren Hedegaard shares his tips for modern beauty.

Soren Hedegaard has helped polish Princess Mary’s appearance on many occasions. We asked him to share some of his tips and views on the latest trends.

What brand of make-up do you use?

I am using a simple and effective Danish make-up range called Tromborg Professional Makeup. The range has been developed by a colleague of mine, Marianne Tromborg. I particularly love her Pure Mineral Foundation.

What are your lipstick tips?

Lipstick depends on the person’s natural lip shape. If you have full lips, you can wear almost any colour or pigmentation. If you have thin lips and want to emphasise them, stay away from lip pencils as they can sometimes give your lips a hard edge. Instead, apply your lipstick using your index finger.

The fingertip actually has the shape of a lipstick, so it will give you the perfect application as well as making your lip look stained, which will make them look fuller. After, you can apply gloss to make lips look luxurious. I prefer to use gloss for the evening.

What eye make-up are you into right now?

I have gone away from the smoky eyes. I’m working a lot on lashes. I am very much into mascara now.

I want to make lashes look big and full, and I am even using single lashes to extend the lashes. Less eyeshadow and more mascara, because lipstick is back in a big way ? coral is my favoured colour.

If I use eyeshadow, it’s a darker colour very close to the lashes and softer shades along the socket line.

What about eyebrows?

Eyebrows frame the eyes. I can get a stomach ache from seeing someone with the wrong shape eyebrows! I use a gel to brush up brows, and cut away stray hairs. At the moment I’m into the Brooke Shields of the 1970s [look]. Make-up, like fashion, is like a wheel. It comes back.

And blush?

I use it to give the cheeks a natural glow. A lot of women overdo blush, which can be ageing. The trick is to apply blush to the apples of your cheeks and blend upwards and away from the face.

Who are your favourite faces?

There are many, but Princess Mary is beautiful. It’s so nice that I have a connection with her, as I see all her natural beauty. You have to like the person you do the make-up on or you want to make them look like Morticia [in The Addams Family]!

You must follow these tips with Mary?

You see, I’m not allowed to talk … but can I say I love her?

We will take that as a ‘yes’, Soren!

Soren’s make-up tips

  • Less is more ? start with a light make-up application and add more if you need it.

  • Always use make-up brushes ? however, use fingers to apply creams as they warm up the product, giving a translucent finish.

  • Don’t overdo blush ? one of the most common mistakes.

  • Apply moisturiser every day ? make-up will go on evenly and smoothly.

  • Curl lashes before applying mascara for an instant lift.

Mary watch

As well as weekly coverage in Woman’s Day magazine, there will also be regular Mary updates on our website throughout the week, so check back regularly for the latest on all things Mary!

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Doggie diet

Question:

I have two miniature poodles that are one to two kilos over the recommended 10kg weight for their breed. How much food should I be giving them? I like to give them dry and tinned food daily, with raw bones once a week. The suggested amounts on the commercial food packets differ with each brand and don’t give a guide if you want to feed dry and wet. Also, do you have a good recipe for homemade dog food?

Linda Pearcey

Answer:

These guidelines are only guidelines, so get a vet to confirm if in fact your pooches are overweight. It depends on their condition, the fat covering over their ribs and the amount of waist they have. Your vet can give them a fat score. If they just need to cut down a bit, it’s just like us, really. A little bit more exercise and watch the titbits. Any extra little treat, bit of toast or scrap of leftover food does add up!

As for their diet, again there are no hard and fast rules. What you are doing sounds fine. With complete foods you can feed just dry food or mix a bit of tinned in — that’s okay too. Raw bones are good for keeping the teeth clean, so that’s good too. Each pet is different; some get diarrhoea with certain foods and do better on premium foods from your vet, some pets can eat anything. Start by cutting the food down by, say, a quarter or just cutting out treats. If they don’t lose any weight and you are still concerned, you should consider a light or diet food available from your vet, who should also check there are no underlying medical issues.

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My jealousy nearly ruined a friendship

Several years ago, when I was single, I had just enough money each payday to pay my rent, bills and buy food. A friend of mine, Jill, was doing really well in her job and I was envious of the income she was earning compared to my measly amount. The fact that she was several years younger than me and had been able to buy a home before I could also irritated me.

One day Jill phoned to ask if I wanted to join her and a group of friends on a weekend away. I barely had enough money but decided to go anyway. When we were away, Jill and her friends seemed to have heaps of money spare to buy food and alcohol, while I just scraped by, buying as little food as possible. There was no way I could afford any alcohol. I secretly seethed at Jill and her friends spending frivolously in front of me.

One afternoon we all went down to the beach for a swim and after lazing in the sun for awhile I decided to return to the house. Before we had left for the beach, Jill had hidden her purse in a cushion. On my return, as I was alone, jealousy overcame me and I took out Jill’s purse to see how much money she had on her. My jealousy turned to horror when I tried to put the purse back in its hiding spot and the zip on the cushion broke. I frantically tried to come up with a reason why I had gone to her purse but had no justifiable reason.

When they came back and Jill found the zip broken, they blamed it on another girl in the group. I played innocent and acted surprised at the cushion zip being busted. I’ll never know if Jill knew it was me who was snooping. I felt Jill suspected it could have been me. I guess I knew then I had a true friend, as she never accused me or mentioned a word about it afterwards.

I was sorry I felt so jealous that I jeopardised our friendship. I was lucky to save face. Jill and I are still friends today. I learnt my lesson and have never snooped on a friend since.

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Wedding joy

I have been brought up in a strict Italian Catholic family. My whole life has been organised from day one, including my arranged marriage.

When I was growing up I was always the one to miss out on fun activities with my friends and fellow students, as my father thought a young lady should be at home helping the family. I always had to make up excuses to my friends as to why I wasn’t allowed. They soon got the picture once we became older and realised my life at home wasn’t quite like theirs.

After I finished Year 12, my life went downhill. I was never allowed to see any of my school friends unless they came over to see me. If I wanted to go out, my older brother had to tag along and I still had to be home by 12am on the dot. I wasn’t even allowed to have a job. Just after my 21st birthday, I ‘met’ a young man by the name of Robert. My father introduced us. I always knew I would end up marrying him.

As I got to know Robert a little better, I realised that one of his best friends James was the guy I had loved throughout high school. We never went out because I wasn’t allowed. I know he felt the same way as I did towards him, but we both knew it was impossible for us to be together. James was a few years above me at school. All the girls loved him and he always had a new girlfriend. I was so jealous of them.

Robert and I were soon engaged, without one night to be spent together before the wedding day. The wedding organisation was fun and exciting — in a way I knew I would be out of my father’s arms. I was so happy when Robert asked James to be one of his groomsmen. I couldn’t wait to see him, just to rekindle that high school feeling I had for him. I had to keep it to myself, though.

James knew how I felt for him throughout high school and I presumed he felt the same way. I could tell by the way he would look at me now. Every time he would come over I would catch him checking me out and if we were to walk past each other he would always make that effort to touch me in the slightest way.

Two nights before my wedding, James came over to see Robert and me while we were renovating our house, putting the finishing touches in before our big day. The boys decided they were going to order pizzas and have a few drinks.

While Robert was out getting the drinks, James and I began talking about high school. He told me that he knew I loved him and he felt the same way. Before I knew it, he leant over and kissed me. I felt so guilty but at the same time so happy — this was my only opportunity without being forced by my family.

One thing led to another and we made love on the empty lounge room floor in front of the heater. I finally felt free. This was the only thing I had ever done without any of my family having anything to do with it. It only lasted about 20 minutes, but that 20 minutes I will never forget.

We both knew we had to keep it a secret. We didn’t even have to say anything. My wedding day came and went. Robert never suspected a thing.

I feel so guilty to this day but so happy at the same time knowing I finally did something on my own without asking permission or being told. My family would disown me and never talk to me again if they knew. That’s the best part, at times, although I will make sure they never, ever find out.

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