My colleague, Janet, was always moving from one “perfect” relationship to the next. It was all she seemed to talk about — the next great love in her life — and two weeks later it was over.
It probably wouldn’t have grated quite so much if she didn’t also like to point out, constantly, that one day she hoped we would be as “lucky” as she was. We just had to “put more effort in”, apparently.
As one who was constantly trying — going out every weekend, spending all my money trying to look my best, and usually coming away with nothing — her constant suggestions that I wasn’t trying very hard to meet Mr Right were extremely irritating.
And so was the fact that Janet seemed to be dating every single man in the city — there was no one left! And every single one was the love of her life… until she dumped him!
When Sean came to work at the firm, every single one of us was in love with him, and for once, Janet didn’t even seem interested.
“You can have him!” she announced to all of us at lunch one day — a clear sign that he wasn’t good enough for her. I myself thought he was perfect — dreamy blue eyes and a beautiful smile. When the other girls saw the way I looked at him, they backed off instantly. But the moment Janet heard I had a date with him, suddenly the game was on.
Sean and I only ever had one date — being naturally shy, I guess I just wasn’t any match for the aggressive style of flirting that was Janet’s trademark. She was always around, wearing lower and lower cut tops with increasingly shorter mini skirts, smiling suggestively and tossing her long blonde hair. What hope did I have?
I never bore Sean any real ill will for starting up a relationship with Janet — we’d only had one date — but my feelings for my man-eating colleague were much less friendly. It was war, and she was going to pay!
I had no idea how to get to her. I suppose my original idea was to wait until Janet dumped Sean and then be the one to console him. But the oddest thing happened: Janet didn’t break up with him. Not for two weeks, not even after two months. It was only when I heard them arguing in the tea-room one day that I realised how hard she’d actually fallen for him: Janet was talking to Sean about having children!
Clearly thinking they were alone, Sean was firmly telling Janet that he didn’t want to have kids — not under any circumstances. Hiding behind the kitchen door, I could hear how devastated Janet was at this news. But, far from feeling sorry for her, I now knew how I was going to get her back!
A few weeks later, slipping into work early, I went via Janet’s cubicle and threw into her rubbish bin the remainders of a pregnancy test kit — box conspicuously piled on the top. I placed the bin in the doorway and walked back past Sean’ office, leaving on his desk a rushed note reading:
“Sean. I really need to see you. Please come to my office as soon as you get here. It’s urgent. I hope I’m going to make you the happiest man alive! Love Janet.”
Sean always got to work earlier than Janet, and I waited in my office for my plan to be put into action. Sure enough, within the hour, Sean walked past my cubicle door, and didn’t walk back. He must have waited for Janet to get to work because, as soon as she did, the whole office knew about it!
He didn’t even give her time to get a word in, but instantly started screaming about how it wasn’t what he wanted — that he’d told her he didn’t want a baby. By the time he finished yelling, I don’t think Janet wanted anything to do with him anyway — she didn’t even try to explain. It was only then that I started to feel a little sorry for her. Sean was actually a real jerk.
I didn’t feel too badly for long though. It only took a few short weeks for things at the office to return to normal. Janet started seeing someone else, and then someone else, and we all had to hear about how tragic our own lives were by comparison. But I often caught her looking regretfully in Sean’ direction, and wondered if she ever lay awake at night trying to work out who’d wrecked her relationship with a carefully-placed pregnancy test!
Names in this story have been changed.
Your say: Have your say about this true confession below…
Newsletter conversion description. Get the latest in your inbox.
.png?resize=380%2C285)
